I feel pretty hopeless in general about the prospect of ever getting married.  I was born in one of the 3 states that doesn't allow a birth certificate change, Tennessee (it only "amends" the birth certificate by crossing out my male birth name and putting my female name above it).  I'm not sure if this part even matters though, as most cities here only need a valid driver's license as I.D. for a marriage license.

I have all the proper paperwork in order (I had my name changed, gender reassignment surgery, and social security documents changed all 15 years ago), and have been living pretty much in stealth since then (only those close to me know).  My significant other is male, so if we decide to get married, I'm wondering what my options are, or if I have any options?  I've thought about just saying "screw it", and going and getting married (i've been passing for the past 20 years or so), and not worry about the repercussions.

Is my only real option to wait until gay marriage becomes a reality in all the U.S.?

You could emigrate to a country that allows you to marry.

Get married in Reno or Vegas.

If you are legally female, then I don't see why you wouldn't be able to get married.  (If Social Security - the feds - and your drivers license - the state - say you are female, you should be legally female.)  Ask the county clerk's office.  If you can't marry in Tennessee, go to a bordering state.

If you are legally female and your intended is legally male, there is no reason you have to go somewhere that accepts gay marriage.

Disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV.

- Kate

Following the comment ... of since I am not a lawyer.... I am a lawyer

You can get legally married and all that jazz.  The only time the birth certificate could be a problem is upon your death or your husbands death.  Then someone wanting to contest the marriage & inheritance rights -- it happened in the Texas and the court ruled that they weren't legally married.  However, you would have to be living in one of those 3 states most likely for that to even be considered as a valid argument for the courts.

Wow, thanks so much everyone! And thank you Rob for the official (as in, legal) response! I guess I wasn't really thinking, or just had a major brain ...you know. Thanks again! 

Quote from: AnitaLife on October 17, 2010, 01:03:57 PM

I was born in one of the 3 states that doesn't allow a birth certificate change

I was born in one of those states too, Hate you Ohio for that!!!!

I have often wondered this very question myself about getting married.. great thread!!!

Wondering.

If a marriage, in one of the three stares, was declared illegal, after the death of a spouce, wouldn't the survivor be able to claim on the basis of a long standing relationship involving shared interests?

That would be nice. 

However, if they deem the person as the gender they had at birth then it would be deemed a same sex marriage which is not legally recognized in the USA except for a handful of states.  In fact, many states have laws completely banning it.  Thus, it would be the same as two friends living together for years and no legally standing.

Federally, Post op transsexuals are considered just what they have between their legs.  Now they leave it up to the states but Federally m to f is a female.    My birth certficate says FEMALE and my present name and thats it.  As far as marriage, I dont see why you CANT get married.  No one is going to run a DNA test on you prior to marriage and just make sure that your husbands affairs are in order such as a will.

Here is some information that may be useful to the OP that touches on
marriage, emigration, and immigration.

If the woman is a pre op transsexual and gets married in a state that
allows it, that would be deemed a same sex marriage, if she is post op
and has had her birth certificate amended that would constitute a
mariage between a man and a woman, as such the Defense of Marriage
Act (DOMA) does not apply to post op women.

As regards the point under discussion, marriage is a family law-based
concept and family law is governed by state law, not federal.

While immigration law is federal, the Citizenship and Immigration
Services looks to the law of the state where the marriage was entered
into to determine whether the marriage is valid.

Thus in the states where a woman is able to have her birth certificate
amended to be congruent with her gender after GRS, and she is
permitted by that state to marry, then the federal government will
recognize the marriage.

As an aside the vast majority of states and nations allow the afore-
mentioned to occur.

This has been borne out in re Lovo-Lara, 23 I&N Dec. 746 (BIA 2005).
This was a case before the Board of Immigration Appeals which
adjudicated that post operative women were indeed women for
purposes of immigration and marriage.

Lovo-Lara was a post op transsexual in North Carolina, a state that
allows for the amending of birth certificates following GRS, and
allows marriage as well.

Another relevant case is re Widener, A95-347-685, 2004 WL 2375065
(BIA Sept. 21, 2004). Esperanza Widener was born biologically male in the
Philippines. She had sex reassignment surgery in the Philippines and
received a court order here  changing her sex and her name.

The Board of Immigration Appeals also ruled in her favor.

As has been pointed out Idaho, Ohio, Kansas, Tennessee, and Texas,
would preclude a post op woman from legally marrying. Though the
civil case currently going on in Texas involving Nikki Araguz, the
widow of a firefighter may set new precedent.

In terms of countries that allow a post op woman to marry, France,
Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, Portugal, Denmark, Finland, Sweden,
the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, South Africa, China, Singapore,
Japan, Argentina, Brazil, Cuba, Iran are a few of the countries.

For women in Idaho, Ohio, Kansas, Tennessee, and Texas who are
desirous of marrying, and that are concerned about survivor benifits,
she and her husband should make sure that their wills clearly outline
who they want their assets to go to in the event of their death.

South Carolina (where, unfortunately, I was born) also will not change the birth cert. But I am gay. So I figured that if I really really wanted, to, I could maybe produce my birth cert with the big ol' F on it and then marry a gay guy. Don't know if it would work because all of my existing documentation says "M" on it. And I don't think I could ever follow through, either. I have worked too hard and gone through too much to just toss it all away and claim to be female--I had a hard enough time checking the "F" box before transition. And I have no idea how stuff like Social Security benefits would work out, as I am male with the Feds.

(Not that there is anyone special who is interested in me, and I'm still legally married to my ex-partner, but one does daydream about these things...)

Is there a site somewhere that outlines the documentation requirements for marriage in the various states, or does it vary from county to county? I have read that some regions require a birth certificate and some states base your marriagiability on your DNA sex (yeah, like they ask people to produce a DNA test), but I would love to see a breakdown of all the states.

Arch. I found this, which might be of some interest.

http://www.1800bride2b.com/articles/marriagelaws_chart.htm

Dear,
If the will of your husband said everything went to you, wouldn't the court honor that?
Amelia

Not necessarily.  Family can contest the will, as in the case Of Nikki Araguz.  They are trying to use her Trans status as a reason to overturn the will.

In the UK or a country under UK law like the British Virgin Islands nice for a honeymoon....eh?

You'd need to present a couples birth certificates to get a marriage license....

And as I've a female birth certificate, now (as of some years back).... i could marry there or anywhere in fact!

But you do have to go through a UK court legal process to get all the paperwork covered.... but it was worth it and affect how I'm now registered by the UK for NHS records and pension rights....

How it is across the rest of the world will vary on were you hold citizenship...?

But if you can get the legals all tickety-boo do it! Defo....