After the incredible amount of pain our family has endured the past few months, my wife feels very strongly that she would like to spare someone else that kind of pain. Obviously, if I had transitioned as a child, it would not have eventually involved my wife, her family and my son. So here is the situation. We have an 8 year old boy who lives on our block who has show many of the early signs of possibly being transgender. For as long as we have known him, which is nearly three years, he has shown a desire to be identified as a girl during play, prefers girl toys and playing with the girls on the street. We have heard him say that he wants to be a girl. Anyway, his grandmother seems to indulge him with girl things, but his parents seem a little uneasy and embarrassed, but not totally opposed to their son's behavior. We don't know if he is seeing a therapist or getting any other kind of help. Anyway, my wife would like to approach his mother (with whom we are on friendly terms) and tell her our story in the hopes that they might take the situation more seriously. Maybe see the real world impact ignoring the problem can have on his life down the line. I am kind of wary, but I do feel a responsibility. I wish someone had done something like that for me when I was 8.

So what to you think ladies? If you agree with my wife, how would you approach it?

If a male to female to transsexual approach me as a parent of a strange son, I'll probably be like "get the hell away from me, you freak! I don't want your bewitching EVILness near my child! Oh praise the Lord! Oh AHlelluha! Hail Marys (throws holy water), Saint Peter, Ohh Saint Mary Magdalene save us from this evilness that approaches us during these dark times weze now live in! Praise and Save us! Amen! Jesus, save us. Forgive thy Sinner and forgive his soul!"

i think might happen, you know, go on a tirade of religion and stuff.
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Just have your wife introduce the idea to them... and if they reject it, then they reject it. You can't do much really, she's the parent.

Quote from: Megan on October 18, 2010, 12:34:43 AM
If a male to female to transsexual approach me as a parent of a strange son, I'll probably be like "get the hell away from me, you freak! I don't want your bewitching EVILness near my child! Oh praise the Lord! Oh AHlelluha! Hail Marys (throws holy water), Saint Peter, Ohh Saint Mary Magdalene save us from this evilness that approaches us during these dark times weze now live in! Praise and Save us! Amen! Jesus, save us. Forgive thy Sinner and forgive his soul!"

i think might happen, you know, go on a tirade of religion and stuff.
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Just have your wife introduce the idea to them... and if they reject it, then they reject it. You can't do much really, she's the parent.

Uh, yes, well, the reaction you describe is not likely to happen. They are professional, educated, affluent and not particularly religious. I also don't look particularly trans yet as I just started HRT and am not going out en femme in public. In any case, it would be my wife approaching her.

Then I think it's a good idea.

You might want to just ask them if they have seen anything regarding Transgendered children.  You may say that you noticed something.

Anyway you do it, it will have to be handled with intelligence and caring.  But at the same time not outing yourself.  Unless of course you take that approach ( not ideal ).

If you know the parents enough to chat every time you see them then you may find an opening to make a very oblique reference to the child being possibly TS and if the parents then talk about it you may mention what you know of transitioning from an abstract point of view and let them know the problems of growing up as TS and mention the local therapists or services.
If they are releived to find someone who knows then that might make them ask for some personal input.
But they may not take kindly to an open invitation to start talking about their child.

I would be very cautious,
Many children go through complex sexual identities that has nothing to do with gender, lots of these are to do with television programs. It looks more interesting to be the girl or the boy, who is the hero/ine. I would also be very careful of being the new girl on the block. You can very easily antagonize people. I would caution to mind your own business unless you have evidence of abuse. 

Sorry don't mean the post to be antagonistic

Cindy

I would have to agree with Cindy.
If the child is TS then you may even make matters worst.
As you said the parents are already acting embarrassed.
If they find that other in the neighborhood thing there child is acting strange they may began to forcing the child to conform.  I'm sure they will become very protective. 
Jillieann

Most kids who are gender-nonconforming in early childhood end up identifying as gay and cisgender. I'd tread lightly, as I'm wary of the very early (preadolescent) transitioning idea in general unless it's completely child-led.

Unless you feel that the kid's being abused or having his/her identity repressed in a traumatic way, it's probably best to let the parents handle it for a few years. If it persists into puberty, it might be a good idea to at least hook the parents up with PFLAG.

This is the thing, the parents know that the neighborhood knows his stated desire. Maybe embarrassed isn't the right word. I think they just seem wary when they tell new people like when we first moved into the neighborhood. My son does play with him significant amounts of time and my wife was the den leader of his cub scout den. I wouldn't go so far as to say they are good friends, but certainly more than the "wave as you go by" type of neighbor. I would never approach her about this, but my wife would like to tell his mother about me to see if that might ring any bells there. There is fairly low risk in this for me as I am more generally out now and will be leaving in the not to distant future.

melody.

If your wife feels confident then she should do what she thinks is appropriate.

She might find it useful to go with some basic information. I would suggest she take this site address, which is so easy to remember. Susans.org

It's obvious that she is concerned and that is good. The only note of caution would be a negative reaction from the parents.

But if she feels it might be helpful, and it probably will be, and that the parents will recieve her without alarm, then do.

Incidently, there are a number of sites with very good information on dealing with transgendered children. I and I'm sure others can provide you with some if you wish.

Best of luck.

Quote from: Melody on October 18, 2010, 12:22:55 AM
After the incredible amount of pain our family has endured the past few months, my wife feels very strongly that she would like to spare someone else that kind of pain. Obviously, if I had transitioned as a child, it would not have eventually involved my wife, her family and my son. So here is the situation. We have an 8 year old boy who lives on our block who has show many of the early signs of possibly being transgender. For as long as we have known him, which is nearly three years, he has shown a desire to be identified as a girl during play, prefers girl toys and playing with the girls on the street. We have heard him say that he wants to be a girl. Anyway, his grandmother seems to indulge him with girl things, but his parents seem a little uneasy and embarrassed, but not totally opposed to their son's behavior. We don't know if he is seeing a therapist or getting any other kind of help. Anyway, my wife would like to approach his mother (with whom we are on friendly terms) and tell her our story in the hopes that they might take the situation more seriously. Maybe see the real world impact ignoring the problem can have on his life down the line. I am kind of wary, but I do feel a responsibility. I wish someone had done something like that for me when I was 8.

So what to you think ladies? If you agree with my wife, how would you approach it?

I would say if hes a young child, wait, when hes about 10-12 and just about to hit puberty then if he is still showing the signs then go ahead.  It could just be a phase brought on by environment. 

3 years of cross gender play and demonstrated desire to be the other sex......
The child is trans of some flavor.

If this subject had been broached to my mother back when I was little my life may verywell be very diferant and right.
I say point the mother of the child in the direction of the proper resourses.

Quote from: Izumi on October 18, 2010, 12:29:14 PM
I would say if hes a young child, wait, when hes about 10-12 and just about to hit puberty then if he is still showing the signs then go ahead.  It could just be a phase brought on by environment.

He's nearly 9, which is very close to the 10-12 range. He is at about the age I was when my trans feelings started to strongly come to the surface, and he has been showing them for three years. I'm not saying he definitely has GID, but that maybe his parents should think about having him see a therapist to express his feelings.

Quote from: cynthialee on October 18, 2010, 04:12:39 PM
3 years of cross gender play and demonstrated desire to be the other sex......
The child is trans of some flavor.

If this subject had been broached to my mother back when I was little my life may verywell be very diferant and right.
I say point the mother of the child in the direction of the proper resourses.

This is how I feel.

After all that you have already shared it does sound like your wife maybe able to very gently approach the subject.  But I do not think she should point a finger at you and say this is what happens if you don't act. And then began share all that both of you have went through.
But she could share about how hard it is for a person when they wait, if the child does have GID and her knowledge of what can happen if the parents don't act.
Or worst yet if they presser the child into a particular gender roll.
Jillieann

Quote from: Melody on October 18, 2010, 04:24:17 PM
He's nearly 9, which is very close to the 10-12 range. He is at about the age I was when my trans feelings started to strongly come to the surface, and he has been showing them for three years. I'm not saying he definitely has GID, but that maybe his parents should think about having him see a therapist to express his feelings.

Well 3 years is a bunch, and if it seems the child is sticking to it then i dont see why not except for the parents.  If you are on friendly terms with them then i would say its appropriate to give a suggestion or two, however if your a stranger, it might cause a hostile response that would otherwise cause problems for the child as they reel back in self defense of the accusation that something could possibly be wrong with their child.  Its a tricky thing.

Quote from: Izumi on October 18, 2010, 07:24:10 PM
Well 3 years is a bunch, and if it seems the child is sticking to it then i dont see why not except for the parents.  If you are on friendly terms with them then i would say its appropriate to give a suggestion or two, however if your a stranger, it might cause a hostile response that would otherwise cause problems for the child as they reel back in self defense of the accusation that something could possibly be wrong with their child.  Its a tricky thing.

We are on friendly terms and my wife wants to approach it from the point of view of her experience. Not necessarily directly refer to their child so much as kind of lead them in a certain direction given what has happened with our family. We agree, it is a very tricky thing, but fate has placed us on this block with a possible trans child who may need our help. We don't want to sit back and do nothing and watch how it plays out. Ultimately, it will be up to the parents, of course.

Don't forget the research that showed many young boys who seem feminine are more likely to develop into gay men that TS.  Old and possibly flawed research but we are outnumbered by gays.
50 feminine boys were followed and all became gay except one who was borderline but was given a TS label.
Let the parents get their child sorted in their own time.

The more I think about this melody, I would suggest she approaches as someone ready to support them, rather than their child.