I am a biological female but I feel like I am male many times. Last night my aunt told me my cousin was trans (male but wanted to be female). She was talking about it like it was a bad thing. Most of our family is actually very accepting of him. No one knows about me yet though. No one has any idea! So last night when my aunt was telling me about my cousin, she was acting like I didn't know what transgendered even meant, so she said "well it would be like if you were to dress up as a boy." I know my sister and dad would support me if I were trans. I don't care about the rest of the family. But last night was awkward for me because now I know that my aunt would feel the same way about me if I were trans. Is being trans a bad or wrong thing? I don't think so...but do other people? I also need some advice here. I sort of have more courage for some reason to come out to my family. Does it sound like I am trans? I think about being male a lot of times. Not having a chest and all. Every single time I go swimming I wish I were wearing a male swimsuit instead. But then I think of getting married, and in my wedding fantasies I am the girl, which is confusing. I am slowly starting to grow a hatred for makeup. But I do enjoy wearing dresses sometimes. I don't want to give up that part of me, but then I wonder why on some days I just want nothing more than to be a boy. I'm confused. I stay up all night sometimes wondering and worrying about who I am. Someone please tell me what to do. I want to see a therapist but I don't know where to find one or if I even have the courage to go to one! What should I do?!

Your question is pretty much, is being born a bad thing or not.  Being TS is something your born with, its not bad or good, it just is, however people who dont understand it will make fun of you.  It was the same with kids that had down syndrome or any other thing wrong with a human being that is out of the ordinary, eventually people became more educated and sensitive and the ridicule almost disappeared.  Hopefully we will see this with TS as well over time.

The best thing you can do is talk with a therapist about your thoughts as far as being trans goes.

With your Aunt have you considered trying to educate her a bit on your Cousin's defense? If you can help her understand what your cousin is going through maybe she would be more accepting if you come out? Just a thought.

Josh, take a look at the androgyne area of this forum, it may help you  =)

I agree with Izumi.  If you are transgender that is just the way you are born.  If other people view it was a bad thing that doesn't make it go away.  From your description you might be genderqueer or gender variant.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer  You don't have be either completely male or completely female and nothing between.  There is a gender binary.  Picture it as a line just figuratively with male on one side and female on the other.  Everyone falls somewhere on that line and no one is completely at the end of the line.

Yes some people view it as wrong.  My Mother told me it was against God's commands and that I would be judged and thrown away to burn in hell if I made any attempts at all to transition.  She really didn't have any point in the Bible that actually said that but she considers the whole rainbow of LGBT as one.  That's fine as I don't mind standing proud with my gay brothers and sisters.  Then she pulled up Bible verses that actually just very badly translated from the original language against homosexuality to prove that God hates me and why.  Just to prepare you for the way some people are.   I don't talk to her any more and it's a relief to have her out of my life even though I still love her.

There is one verse in Deuteronomy 22:5 you might hear.  I'm not going to quote it here as it might be triggering for some.  A lot of bigoted Christians use it against transgender people.  Just remember that the world and society has changed a whole lot since then and you need to look at the context of the verse to have a serious argument.  Rather than just cherry picking it and throwing it as someone to be cruel.  Never take anyone seriously who does that.  If you believe in God then know that he loves you exactly as he made you.  You are his beautiful creation and no one can take that away from you.     

I wish you the best of luck in figuring all of this out.   

Homosexuality and GID have absolutely no correlation and no link. They are entirely seperate issues. Something which is quite annoying as there seems to be a lot of hatred and distrust of "MTF Lesbians" because people don't understand that GID != Gay.

Is being trans wrong?

Unfortunately it seems the question you're being put is "is being gay wrong". Personally I think your mother (and anybody in this situation) should just handle one dilemma at a time. If they don't like homosexuals, they shouldn't use that against transsexuals, and vice versa.

22:11  Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

Look on the tags of your clothing, unless it says 100% anything, your going to hell, Lots of people.... are going to hell~

22:8  When thou buildest a new house, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine house, if any man fall from thence.

A lot of contractors.... going to hell.

Look i can quote scripture too!!!!!

BTW lots of things in the bible support TS, and nothing is specific to TS.   You are made up of body, spirit, and soul.  body being the least of the 3 since it is left behind when you die, so.. what sex is your soul or spirit?  until someone can answer that question everything is moot.

if you take the biblical prchibition against crossdressing to be right then ok. But I do not think it would apply to a TS/TG. It is a brain thing not a crotch thing.
Also if the judeo-christian crowd want to go there technicaly MTF are eunics and in the bible eunics are given a special place in heaven and are respected members of the comunity.
(maybe they are just jealous...? lol)

how about....

Isaiah 56:4
This is what the LORD says: [I will remember] the castrated men who keep my days of worship, choose what pleases me, and faithfully observe the conditions of my promise.

Matthew 19:12
For example, some men are celibate because they were born that way. Others are celibate because they were castrated. Still others have decided to be celibate because of the kingdom of heaven. If anyone can do what you've suggested, then he should do it."
GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)

If you came out as trans, particularly the other kind of trans than your cousin, then perhaps that would get your aunt to rethink her stance on ->-bleeped-<-.

It's common for people to feel uneasy about things that are unfamiliar to them, or hard for them to understand.  They often handle this feeling of discomfort by judging the new concept to be "wrong".  To, instead, try to understand it would be far more productive.  But this takes more effort and is just not the way many people's brains work.

I can't think of a logical argument for TS to be considered immoral.  It's just convenient for people to think that it is because then they don't have to struggle to understand and accept an idea that is new to them.

Who are you hurting by being transgendered? nobody.
Who are you hurting by living a lie to please others? Yourself.

So, being trans is harmless, but living a lie harms you. Usually a lot.
Which is the more ethical decision?

People may *state* that your decisions about your body and life harm them, but in the case of being gay, bi, transsexual or transgendered they are incorrect.  They may feel confusion and distress, yes, but no actual harm has been done to them.

There are a lot of valid, and intelligent replys here, however, I for one feel that you should follow your heart and desires. I feel life to be a very short and beautiful expirence if you let it. If you feel happy following a path that expresses how you realy feel on the inside then I say there is nothing wrong with that. For one you are not hurting anyone or anything in your expression (aside from some possible family members not understanding), You said yourself at you do not feel you are doing anything wrong and in my opinion you deffinitely are not. I myself am going through a simular confusing time as I am really am done surpressing my feelings for expression of MTF. I have a big group of friends of guys that I could deffinitely see not understanding me and putting me down for it by making me feel like a freak. I am, like many before and after me, scared to come out to the people who know me but when I think about doing it I always get this feeling of relief that I do not have to hide and pretend I am somthing I am not. I already am becoming pretty femine in my ways of life as of late and find that the more it happens the better I feel, thus my quality of life improves, and I am smiling all the time. I would say to explore your desires and see how it makes you feel, about yourself and if it makes you happy.

In the end this is all my opinion though and I would recommend researching, and exploring, then after you are sure you know what you want, then make rash decisions. Until then quit worrying so much..it's not worth the stress.

Ps: sorry i realize that I went on about myself when this post is about you. I just thought by sharing you would not feel alone <3

Quote from: Josh T on October 18, 2010, 12:46:34 PM
I am a biological female but I feel like I am male many times.

I don't want to give up that part of me, but then I wonder why on some days I just want nothing more than to be a boy. I'm confused. I stay up all night sometimes wondering and worrying about who I am. Someone please tell me what to do. I want to see a therapist but I don't know where to find one or if I even have the courage to go to one! What should I do?!

Josh, thanks for your excellent post.  That your questioning is strong enough to make you post your concerns here means that you must resolve this issue, IMO.  Just like you, I've had this question gnawing at "my soul" about whether being trans is wrong/immoral/sinful or not.  After much soul-searching, I have to say that no, it is not. 

Like you, I grew up with the Judeo-Christian Ethic.  I followed it hardcore 3 different times in my life when I was younger wanting sincerely to "please God" and "do the right thing."  All 3 times, it was a disaster.  About The Bible:

In street talk, you have 2 dudes (Of course!  Women never figure into these things, right?).  You've got God (Jehovah, Adonai, whatever) who represents everything good.  Then, you've got Satan (The Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, whatever) who represents everything bad.  These 2 guys are locked in the biggest ego battle in the history of everything.  And, what's the battle about?  Who gets to rule ... who gets to be in charge ... who gets to be Pardoo Bubba Pardee ... who gets to be The Big Swinging Dick.  Sovereignty.  Lordship.  Godship. 

Well, these 2 dudes are in this pull-out-the-stops, take-no-prisoners, go-to-hell war for the right to rule.  Then, God basically says, "See my son.  He'll be loyal to me to the bitter end ... no matter what.  I'm going to make him prove it and go through hell ... just to prove that you, Satan, are full of crap!"  And, so the story goes.  You know the rest of it.  I won't bore you by going on.  Again, this is a boiled-down, "street" version of The Story.  God says, "Follow my son, and your saved.  Don't, and you're screwed."   

In the meantime, everybody and everything on the Earth moreorless gets to be cursed.  Hello disease.  Hello death.  Hello misery.  My point?  To me, now matter how you ice, splice or dice this story, IT SUCKS!  It's like 2 gonzo Rambo or Terminator dudes locked in The Greatest Testosterone Battle of All Time.  Man, I can't go there.  If The Story is literally true, I, for one, am screwed.  I just cannot do any religious trip anymore, and The Bible says YOU MUST do God's religious trip, or your ass is grass.  Heck, then consider my butt a wheat field, baby!  Sorry, but the whole thing rankles me ... and others too, I'm sure.  No, I'm not anti-God.  Not at all.  I am anti-BS.  The truth?  Nobody really knows for sure.  Why this is so, I cannot say.  Anyway, ...

No, I cannot agree with anybody who says transness is bad, immoral, sinful, etc.  They're wrong. 

You?  You may be an androgyne, like the people above have said.  Nothing wrong with that if you are. 

If you can swing it, find a good, competent, well-recommended gender counselor in your area and start therapy with them.  From there, your counselor and you can decide on the path that will be best for you to take.  All the things you said about yourself in your post?  Plenty of people on this website have felt and experienced those same things.  You've found the right website, man. 

Welcome!   

The ever present ability of people not being able to look, see and think is a population and worldwide phenomena.
Many people construct their own truths, if you are not like me you are wrong.

It wasn't that long ago that menstruating woman were not allowed to work in butcher shops as they would taint the meat . I have a Jewish friend, my age, that when she was born nurses came to have a look at the horns .
Homosexual men were burned alive in the mid ages (were the disgusting term ->-bleeped-<-gots came from). More recently people of African descent were burned alive for being different in some places of civilization such as the USA.
Now if you follow Islam you are a terrorist, alternatively if you don't follow Islam you are also a terrorist.

We were born with the wrong primary and hence secondary sex organs. So we are wrong and bad people. What about those born with none? Waste of time baptising them, god only wants the holy water for the good guys.

The more you analyse the beliefs and opinions of such people the bigger the gap in credibility develops. OK she is your Aunt and may/does have some sway in the family. But you also have that right, as does your cousin.

I realise I'm a little more senior than you, and happy to take on arguments, but if you wish read up on TG/TS/CD etc Wiki has good information from the great staff here. Then when she brings such stuff up take her on; she doesn't have a clue what being transgendered is, and she probably equates Gay guys as wearing pink tutu's dancing down the street holding barbie handbags. Knowledge is power. Ignorance is what we usually meet.

Take Care and Live a Lovely Life

Cindy

Women in most cultures are still not equal to men... 

In the west its salary levels for the same job that tell you this....in China aborting female infants was the norm a while back which led to the huge imbalances now...

(And why China has a lot of males with no wives currently)

Then when you dial in the bigotry of the 'godhead' types and the Neanderthal tribal types...

Bingo....!

As to the TG community, we are born the way we are as are most gay people too...

Is this wrong? Only if I guess you use it as a tool to harm others.... sa an asied, I saw a very disturbing TV piece last nite on the disabled and educationally different being bullied and abused by everyday able-bodied people here in Britain...

This was truly sickening stuff....much like the woman caught on CCTV whom dumped that cat in the bin... who did get convicted yesterday

Why some folk take joy in being cruel to the weak and vulnerable...now there's a more interesting subject me thinks?

Perhaps we have to face the fact that many people are in fact rather nasty and abusive types at heart, and take pleasure in harming people they have control over... how we deal with them does in fact define our style of society....

But enlightenment is far from universal.... and I fear will remain that way forever....

In a word- "NO".

If someone has a problem with somebody's TSness, I am inclined to ask them if they want to have sex with the person concerned, and if not, then it is none of their bloody business.

If they do, they are guilty of adultery and are going to "Burn in Hell"!!

Oh dear, there is nothing wrong with being yourself. There are many excellent post placed before me so mine won't contain much new info. The thing with society is that it wants to place everything in easy recognizable categories. When you as person don't fit in it is considered strange. It is not like you can do anything about it, it is a fault of society itself. Please promise me to never force yourself to be someone you are not. It will only cause you pain and you will regret it in the end.

You might want to get help to further discover your gender identity. There are many people who feel they don't fit in their traditional gender role, as there are many people who feel they don't fit in their assigned gender. A therapist will be able to help you with this.

Never ever let anybody tell you you are wrong for just being who you are, you are just one of the beautiful facets of diversity. Be proud of yourself.

Hello Josh,

I think if you look at the Androgyne section for more info you may find people who feel the same way as yourself.

Sorry to hear that your Aunt has her opinions, they are hers but it doesn't make them right ones. At least you do have people who are more open minded or just better educated. My mother couldn't have handled me being trans but there you go, she wasn't open minded, as you'll see here regardless of uneducated opinions the real life evidence is that being trans doesn't make you some awful sort of person. My opinion is that we are born this way and that Nature just sort of hiccupped. That isn't wrong.

Some have religious folks though so for anyone in that boat I've just looked up what a Rabbi,  Rabbi Tilsen, has to say about Deuteronomy 22.5 and he thinks the verse is saying that it is wrong to dress to deceive for the purpose of luring someone into being sexually immoral. Dressing to show your gender (regardless of the sex of the body you were born with) is the opposite of trying to deceive anyone. To cross dress as a transgendered person is to show who we really are. That's not  wrong it's being honest.

Good luck as you discover your self.

Thanks so much for all the support everyone!