A Year and a half, forty pounds and lots of smiles ago

   This is for those who are considering a late transition. I have not looked at an old pictures of myself for a long time. I knew I looked allot different, but I had no idea. When I saw the pictures I just had to laugh. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Honestly I picked the best of the bunch. I had allot of pictures that were so bad I don't think you would believe that they were actually me. I know I couldn't.                                                                                                            

    The picture is about a year and a half ago. I was 45 then. Since then I have been on hrt for one year. Come November I will be sober one year. I eat  much more healthy , I've lost about forty pounds. I think I've cried more in  this last year then I have in my entire life. The same can be said about my smile. I just smile all the time now.

      I look at my avatar and think "I so much want to be that person all the time". Although  I am not full time yet , I hope to be , very soon. A wish I did not think would ever come true.

      I know it's sounds kinda funny, but Susan's Place had allot to do with how I feel about myself, today. If it wasn't for the wonderful people here. That were all dealing with the same issues as I was. I would have gave up on my dreams , long ago.

    Love you all, Erocse

Good for you, Erocse.

Congratz on the one year sobriety and the weight loss.  Love the new avatar.  You're a cutie.

OMG, Erocse, you are SUCH an inspiration!  OMG!  Sorry... for once, I'm nearly speechless.  I know what you mean about the smiling, even though I'm still very early in my journey.  I'm hoping sometime in the next six months, maybe less, I could be on HRT.  And already I say (each time I dress), "I so much want to be that person all the time".  ALL the time!  The "Cinderella Dance" is getting very old, and I've only just begun, really.  I take the train (one-hour ride) each Wednesday evening to my Gender Journeys workshop, and I change on the train, and I'm Colleen for about 5 hours until I get on the train to go home.  And then I must do the Cinderella thing.  And it hurts.  It gets harder each time.  I need to be her all the time.  I look at you, and I hope.  Thank you.

You look great Erocse! Good for you!

@ Erocse:

Girl!  Fan ... f-ing ... TAS ... ic!!!

This is SOOO inspiring!  Attitude, exercise, diet ... The Holy Trinity, baby girl:  You've proved it!

A year on HRT already?  Awesome!  It'll be a year for me in a month-and-a-half.  Everything you said here is so totally true.  Laughing?  A lot!  Crying?  More than I have in decades.  Happy?  Oh, heck, YES! ... most of the time anyway.  Do you go around thinking and acting like an adolescent a lot?  I totally do ... at my age even!  Unreal, but I love it!  Best of all, you seem to have a spouse who is on board with you.  That is a blessing beyond measure.  Rock ON!   

@ Colleen Ireland:

You're on your way, Colleen.  It wasn't all that long ago when I was right where you are right now.  One gets almost obsessed with the whole trip.  HRT seems like centuries away for you, but you can't WAIT to start it, right?  Yeah, I know!  Been there ... done that! 

Stay the course, hon!  We're cheerin' for ya all the way!   

I don't believe you. I think the NYC expression is: Get outa here!

As has already been said, Erocse, you're an inspiration.

I'm starting at 35, so you truly are an inspiration.. If you can achieve looking so good, hopefully I can come close..

One Year!!  I am stunned at the change. I am certainly going to be pushing my therapist for HRT as soon as possible in my first appointment in a couple of weeks. 
All the best , Sandra.

Thank you girls. As my mother would say, " I will give you just one hour to stop talking like that ".         
hehehehe.

   Colleen, I know you can't wait to start. I can't wait for you to start ether. We are all getting to know the "before",and we are all very excited and  waiting to see the "after". The day you start, we will get together on a post and crack a virtual bottle of champagne.

    I don't know..... If I get virtually drunk, would that be considered "falling of the wagon?"

   Lacey, Well I don't know about acting like an adolescent, (my wife thinks I dress like one though) but yes I simply can't contain myself, sometimes. I went from being a shut-in to going out everyday. Even just quick trips to the market has become an exciting event for me.

  Yes my wife is very much on board. She is truly wonderful.  I can see sometimes it hard on her. But that's only because I know her so well and know all her expressions. Otherwise you would be led to believe that she wanted this as much as I did.

   Hugs, Erocse

As someone who has a disposition towards being curvaceous and cuddly I admire the way you have gotten the weight off.

As I have got older middle aged spread has, well... spread my middle. Gone is my girlish figure and now, try as I might, I simply can't shift it. My doctor says this is the inevitable consequence of having a zero testosterone blood level.

All I can say is you look very very sexy and I'm sure that when/if you get SRS you will find that your figure develops even more. You are going to be one real heart breaker... and if I didn't have my Alison I'd be rather jealous of your wife!

Quote from: erocse on October 22, 2010, 07:48:53 AM

    I don't know..... If I get virtually drunk, would that be considered "falling of the wagon?"

With respect, it is.

Walking away from intoxicants is walking away from the notion that pleasure comes from within.

We don't need to get drunk or intoxicated to celebrate the joy of others, we just revel in their joy.

We don't need to get drunk or intoxicated to celebrate our own joy. We celebrate and take pleasure in sharing it with others.

Apologies for appearing to be a damp squid. You, I and many others have come so far. None of us wants to lose our perspective.

And I still think you look fantastic. Your wife is fabulous.

Quote from: erocse on October 22, 2010, 07:48:53 AM


   Colleen, I know you can't wait to start. I can't wait for you to start ether. We are all getting to know the "before",and we are all very excited and  waiting to see the "after". The day you start, we will get together on a post and crack a virtual bottle of champagne.

    I don't know..... If I get virtually drunk, would that be considered "falling of the wagon?"

       ,

 

 

Spacial. I wasn't really going to get drunk. I was joking about getting "virtually drunk" on a virtual bottle of champagne..

    Actually I don't wish to speak too soon. But when I  am around someone who is drinking or whatever. I have no desire what so ever, anymore. All I can think of is how much time and money I have wasted on that stuff. Over the years.

But thank you Spacial, you are very considerate

HUGS, Erocse

Nothing I say or said was intended to hurt. I think you know that.

It's always a struggle. Temptation is very real. The little voice, or whatever, which tries to rationalise, just this once, I deserve a break, can't do any harm, it wasn't as bad as I remember, it's just a joke and so on is always there.

For me and I hope for others like us, the very real pleasure we get from the joy of others is real. The voice, however we might try to belittle, dismiss or rise above it, just pulls us back to the misery we caused to others and the actual misery we fooled ourselves into believeing was fun.

You're a great girl erocse.

WOW


You're beautiful <3

Quote from: erocse on October 22, 2010, 07:48:53 AMColleen, I know you can't wait to start. I can't wait for you to start ether. We are all getting to know the "before",and we are all very excited and  waiting to see the "after". The day you start, we will get together on a post and crack a virtual bottle of champagne.

    I don't know..... If I get virtually drunk, would that be considered "falling of the wagon?"

@Erocse,

THANKS, girl!  Hugs to you.  Yes, you KNOW I can't wait... but it'll be a while yet.  I'm waiting for my GIC assessment, which won't be until at least January or February, then their letter won't arrive for at least 4 weeks after the assessment, so I'd guess I'm looking at late Feb at the very least, maybe March, but then, honey, WATCH my smoke, lol!  The very day I get the letter, I will email my therapist and say "Honey, please have my HRT letter ready for my next appointment!" and I will call my GP right after that to set up an appointment to get the endo referral.  And then... Woo-Hoo!  I will be doin' the HAPPY dance!  But, maybe not virtual champagne, I don't want you to get into trouble.  Maybe we'll set off some virtual fireworks!  That is gonna be SOME party! 

Erocse..


you are GORGEOUS!! also, congrats on your 1 year of sobriety!

From a nice guy to a gorgeous woman!  =)
Crongratulations, Erocse!  ^..^

What an amazing transformation!  Erocse, you are a beautiful woman, and I'm glad to hear you're happier and healthier now.

Wow, Roxy. You have come so far in almost two years.I'm so happy for you! I don't even see a hint of your former self in you.... If I get HALF of what you got, I will be thrilled!!!!  :-)

Long hug with an awkward sway,,,,,  Stacy

Quote from: Erocse on October 21, 2010, 07:25:08 PM
A Year and a half, forty pounds and lots of smiles ago

   This is for those who are considering a late transition. I have not looked at an old pictures of myself for a long time. I knew I looked allot different, but I had no idea. When I saw the pictures I just had to laugh. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Honestly I picked the best of the bunch. I had allot of pictures that were so bad I don't think you would believe that they were actually me. I know I couldn't.                                                                                                            

    The picture is about a year and a half ago. I was 45 then. Since then I have been on hrt for one year. Come November I will be sober one year. I eat  much more healthy , I've lost about forty pounds. I think I've cried more in  this last year then I have in my entire life. The same can be said about my smile. I just smile all the time now.

      I look at my avatar and think "I so much want to be that person all the time". Although  I am not full time yet , I hope to be , very soon. A wish I did not think would ever come true.

      I know it's sounds kinda funny, but Susan's Place had allot to do with how I feel about myself, today. If it wasn't for the wonderful people here. That were all dealing with the same issues as I was. I would have gave up on my dreams , long ago.

    Love you all, Erocse