I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, my heart goes out to you. Good luck and god bless.

My wife can't either, but we make it through another day somehow. It isn't what either of us wants but it is better than being apart! Security is worth more than being alone-at least for now.
Love,
randi
fwiw-Pick and choose what you want to hear on the forum-I have my reasons for not going further with my transition NOW and others would argue the point. We all have our own crosses to bear.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on October 22, 2010, 06:56:30 PM
Mine hasn't thought it that far through yet, but I'm certain our outcome will be the same, for the same reasons.   

@ Colleen Ireland:

Consider yourself e-hugged, woman!  Truly, our hearts go out to you too.       We're here for you if and when you want to talk or just vent.  For many of us, THIS is our support group.  We're here for you.   

If any of you are the main breadwinner in your households like I am, you know the other side of the story.  It's SO hard to cast the wife and/or significant other adrift ... knowing full well that they probably will not be able to take care of themselves very well.  I'm in the same househould with mine right now for this very reason.  I pay for almost everything.  Funny thing is that now (surprise of surprises) there are about 3-4 people who are expressing interest in me in a relationship way (3 of the 4 are gg's).  Limbo City.  I cannot reciprocate their interest and simply cast my for-now wife and her kid adrift.  They'd be in the streets if I did that.  No way will I let that happen.  Some situation.  Catch 22 - Darned if I do ... darned if I don't.  Oh, well.  I will not foresake them ... cannot foresake them.   I'm an idiot, true, but an idiot with a conscience. 

Other people are looking to me for help also.  I've vowed to help them, and I will.  I keep my word.  In these days and times, I guess that makes me a fool, but I'm THAT kind of fool.   

Have a hug from me too Melody.  My situation is a little different as my crew jumped ship with the purser's safe and took passage with a ship sailing in the other direction, so to speak. 

It hurt like I wouldn't have believed posible, and if i had been as emotionally aware as I am now, I would have totally fallen apart. 

Definitely examine everything the lawyers do, unless they are  explicitly acting for the both you and your wife. 

Stay strong babe, Sandra.

Oh Melody, this is one of those moments we all fear. My heart is with you!
Just two nights ago my wife and I have also been talking about this, and it seems everytime we talk, divorce is brought up with less tears. One day it will be my turn, and for the same reasons: she says she still loves me but can't stand the idea of being married to a woman.
Big hug and keep strong,
Marleen

Thank you again ladies. It hurts a little less this morning. The wife is away overnight with my son at a cub scout camp. It is nice to take a breather.

Hi Melody, for most of our lives we live a lie but a quiet, secret lie it is and so it just becomes our pain. When we finally unleash this demon onto light of day, it becomes a storm. I am not surprised least for our loved ones to feel betrayed, after all we our selves feel betrayed by our own demons. Our instincts tell, we should get more love from them especially when in such turmoil but the truth is, they feel betrayed by us and feel as well we have stopped loving them.
It isn't something we have any control over, and please, please don't blame your self for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And don't worry what this lawyer said or that lawyer said, love your wife like you did or better show her more love despite being hurt and abandoned, let her see you, NEW YOU, as or more loving than ever before. If she hurts your feelings, understand that she probably has no other way to cope with this new storm in her life.
And if your marriage falls apart and you loose the one you loved, think of all the good that marriage has brought to your life, and finally brought you to this point, when you become "YOU"
From every pain, new joy arises, from every death, new life!
All my love girl, Alexia.

I told my wife last night as we were going to bed that I was planning to tell the kids (reminder: they're 19, 24 and 27, all still at home).  She's dead-set against it, obviously, but we did have another conversation, again she's trying to convince me it can't be real, and/or I have less-divisive options.  Right.  Anyway, she asked me what I would want to happen with us, and I said I'd ideally like us to stay together, but realistically I don't see how it could work, I'm not willing to live a celibate existence, and she obviously can't see herself married to a woman.  We talked briefly about the practical aspects of separation/divorce, and I said we don't have to make all the decisions right now.  She also asked if my therapist might have experience talking with SOFFA's.  My therapist DID email me some links to straight-spouse support for her, which I've forwarded, and I've also emailed my therapist asking if my wife might attend our next session if she's willing.  Anyway, progress (of a sort) is being made.  Not sure where it's going yet.  Trying to be brave...

Quote from: alexia elliot on October 23, 2010, 10:02:33 AM
Hi Melody, for most of our lives we live a lie but a quiet, secret lie it is and so it just becomes our pain. When we finally unleash this demon onto light of day, it becomes a storm. I am not surprised least for our loved ones to feel betrayed, after all we our selves feel betrayed by our own demons. Our instincts tell, we should get more love from them especially when in such turmoil but the truth is, they feel betrayed by us and feel as well we have stopped loving them.
It isn't something we have any control over, and please, please don't blame your self for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And don't worry what this lawyer said or that lawyer said, love your wife like you did or better show her more love despite being hurt and abandoned, let her see you, NEW YOU, as or more loving than ever before. If she hurts your feelings, understand that she probably has no other way to cope with this new storm in her life.
And if your marriage falls apart and you loose the one you loved, think of all the good that marriage has brought to your life, and finally brought you to this point, when you become "YOU"
From every pain, new joy arises, from every death, new life!
All my love girl, Alexia.

Alexia,
Thank you very much. I will take these words to heart.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on October 23, 2010, 10:03:56 AM
I told my wife last night as we were going to bed that I was planning to tell the kids (reminder: they're 19, 24 and 27, all still at home).  She's dead-set against it, obviously, but we did have another conversation, again she's trying to convince me it can't be real, and/or I have less-divisive options.  Right.  Anyway, she asked me what I would want to happen with us, and I said I'd ideally like us to stay together, but realistically I don't see how it could work, I'm not willing to live a celibate existence, and she obviously can't see herself married to a woman.  We talked briefly about the practical aspects of separation/divorce, and I said we don't have to make all the decisions right now.  She also asked if my therapist might have experience talking with SOFFA's.  My therapist DID email me some links to straight-spouse support for her, which I've forwarded, and I've also emailed my therapist asking if my wife might attend our next session if she's willing.  Anyway, progress (of a sort) is being made.  Not sure where it's going yet.  Trying to be brave...

Colleen, I am sorry you are dealing with this stuff too. However, I think it is a very good sign that she seems to be willing to consider going to a therapist. My wife was pretty resistant before, but she is very happy now she decided to go to therapy. If you think your wife might benefit from talking to mine, PM me.

melody, i'm sorry to hear that. my wife and separated a few years ago and she gave the same reason of not wanting to be with another girl, the only thing i left with was my clothes and most of my own things and no money to find my own place. she just come out and said i needed to go stay some where else until we get things figured out, well 4 years later she's still trying to figure things out. with us the storm came before the demon was released, it was able to be seen in its cage though

I haven't married yet, but sometimes I feel so angry that gender is binary - male or female.

The concept of gender is so grounded and dictates so much of our lives. It's the basis of all our relationships. Deep down inside, we're all human beings and we just want to be loved and accepted. In a perfect world, our significant other will love us for who we are. In this world, it's a little tougher.

Forgive me if this is a little early to be saying this, but I believe we all have a special someone who will accept & love us for we truly are out there.  Your wife may not be the right person at the moment. Maybe you'll meet someone who is right.

Life throws curve balls or... lemons. I say since we have to go through so much crap, we might as well become pros at making good lemonade.

For Melody and all those who're going through a similar tough situation, my heart and sympathy goes out to you ladies.

While it's true that few relationships survive transition, a divorce is not a bad thing.  You'd have to get one before you could legally change your gender anyway.  The divorce can put a clear end to your old relationship, and let you start building a new one, as your new, real self.