first lets start off with some basic information. im a lesbian in a very commited relationship. my partner is a FTM transgender. i love him with all of my heart. and i truly honestly love him for him. i dont see himas either male or femal. just as himself and i want himto be as happy as possible. the problem is that when i start to use male pronouns(not normally with the apostrophies around it) it feels wrong. nd even using he/him doesnt bother me all that much. its the words boyfriend/husband. i dont have a problem with transgenders.... and i want to support my partner in all of his transformations and such... i just hate incorperating myself with being with a guy. no matter the circumstance, trans or born. it just doesnt feel right to me to say that i have a boyfriend or husband.

i wnat to make my partner as happy as possible... he thinks i am not supportive of him being transgender. but thats not true. i dont mind that hes a guy. that doesnt bug me.. i just dont like thinking that im with a guy. if we were just friends id be able to use "he" allllll the time and not have aproblem. but because we are together... useing he means admitting that i am with a man... somehting i never wanted to be...
i dont have a prob with my partner being a guy persay... just dont like the idea of me being with a man... and i cant get him to understand that. all it does is anger him.

please any form of help. i dont know what todo... and im just at a complete loss...
its more of a ME thing than a HE thing... but he thinks its all him... :/

When I attended the transgender medical conference last may in Minnesota -- that was the topic of discussion at one of the presentations

The lesbians there said it was a grieving process for them to leave the comfort of the gay community and enter into the world of heterosexuality.  They felt like they lose some of the identity and were being pushed into an uncomfortable world.  They now identify as allies to the community.   They all said their partners were supportive of their loss and helped them through it.

Personally, being a member of the gay community and having that sense of identity has made me drag my feet in my transition.  It feels safe to be a butch woman than the man that I am

You are obviously a lesbian who has had the wonderfuly ironic afliction of falling in love with a man befall her. We do not control who we fall in love with. You think you have it bad imagine how the dyke who falls for a natal male feels. (yes I have seen it)

It happens on occasion.
Perhaps maintaining that you are a lesbian who just happens to have fallen in love with a very special man could work for you.
You should be able to retain your friends and self identity. Although relationships are exercises in comprimise self identity shouldnt be comprimised.
I do not know how you two will work it out but I am sure an amniable comprimise can be reached.

Does he insist you call him your husband/boyfriend? Would just referring to him as your 'partner' and leaving it at that help? Being ftm, I understand that the words boyfriend/husband are important and validating. But he did fall in love with a lesbian, so he probably understands those words are foreign and uncomfortable to you.