Trans? On some days, it's so hard to ignore the desires to be a boy. I fantasize about it. Especially when I go swimming. I don't know why but I would prefer to wear a boy's swimsuit. It just feels right. I've only crossdressed a couple of times but I do enjoy it. I would rather wear boy's clothes. I fantasize about how I would look as a man as well. Sometimes it's all I think about and I stay up all night worrying about it. When I was a kid ALL I was into was Hot Wheel toys and dinosaurs. Not Barbies. I hated wearing dresses too. Now that I am older, I don't mind them so much, in fact it's the only part I like about myself right now. But I would still prefer to be a boy and be treated as one. I want to get therapy but I don't know if I can afford it right now. I also have so much in my life happening right now. I just graduated from high school and I'm going into college in January. Sometimes I get so confused about who I want to be I literally want to bang my head against the wall and shout "I'm a GIRL! That's who I've been my whole life!" But then I go back to my male fantasies. I don't know who I am.  I also don't want to deal with the stress of coming out to my family and friends and possibly losing them, though I think not ALL of them might leave me. Any suggestions on how I can deal with this until I have moved out and am living on my own? 

Firstly only you yourself can decide whether you yourself are trans.

Secondly I recommend that you educate yourself well on all trans related stuff. You could read about how to change your name and legal documents, the social rammifications of being trans, the history of trans rights, some of the forefathers and mothers of trans people, what is happening today in society in terms of social progress and legal rights and responsibilities, the availabilities as concerns hormones, therapy and surgery in your area.

Thirdly you could shop for some guy clothes and wear them in your room. You could bind and see what look like with a flat chest. You could buy a strap-on and see how it feels. You could buy something that allows you to stand up to pee.

There are lots you can do in the privacy of your own room to prepare and educate yourself. Then, if you do decide to change changes, you'll be well prepared.

Remember, I can totally identify with your story, because it is mine also as well as being that of many trans people. I stayed up nights dreaming about what it would feel like to have a woman's body, to be socially seen and accepted as a woman, to go to prom, to wear white at my wedding, to be pregnant. I still think about these things, every frigging day. But it don't bother me so much now. Because I know that I am a woman and always have been. Now I just get on with my life and prepare for the day I can transition socially.

The first step is to educate yourself and accept yourself. If you don't accept and love yourself first then you won't be successful in getting others to love and accept you. Remember that only you can decide whether you are trans or not. However, from your post, it does seem very likely that you are.

Good luck!

any chance of getting to see a therapist with gender experience before you get to college to help sort you out a bit?

college might make things even more intolerable with pressure to conform or contrarily a freedom to dress andro or male that may add to your confusion.