Okay, I came out to my 27-yo daughter tonight, so now I'm out to everyone but my youngest son (19), and I'm waiting until the weekend for him because he has 3 mid-term exams to write between Thursday and Saturday - I do NOT want to distract him.  But my daughter also reacted with love and empathy.  Seems she took a course in trans issues when she was in university a few years ago, so she's already somewhat aware of what it's all about.  SHE expressed sorrow on MY behalf for my having had to live with this all my life (so far).  She cried some over that, and also over the sadness of the fact that my wife and I may not be able to stay married.  My daughter is ASSUMING I will transition. 

I am SO blessed - my kids are wonderful.  Here I was expecting hurt, anger and rejection, and I get love and affirmation and empathy.  And sympathy.  Did I mention love?  I am on cloud nine.  There's lots of difficulty ahead, of course, but now I know I won't go there alone.

That is GREAT news Colleen. Perhaps she will be able to help your wife understand.

The most surprising thing I found about coming out to friends and family is how deeply they were affected emotionally. Many of them found that they couldn't think of anything else for days. Many of them also reacted in the same way as your daughter; with sorrow that I had to live with this pain for so long.

Again, great news and hopefully it will go as well with your younger son.

I also had expected the worst from my family but got the best. (unlike you though, I had no kids to come out too)
I am so happy for you, and to have an informed daughter!? Coolness.
It will make your transition much easier with your family behind you.

Quote from: cynthialee on October 26, 2010, 10:22:13 PM
I also had expected the worst from my family but got the best. (unlike you though, I had no kids to come out too)
I am so happy for you, and to have an informed daughter!? Coolness.
It will make your transition much easier with your family behind you.

I agree. I wish I had a grown daughter to help sort me out. My wife is supportive, but she finds it quite hard to help in a process that is taking her husband away.

Quote from: Melody on October 26, 2010, 09:58:54 PM
That is GREAT news Colleen. Perhaps she will be able to help your wife understand.

The most surprising thing I found about coming out to friends and family is how deeply they were affected emotionally. Many of them found that they couldn't think of anything else for days. Many of them also reacted in the same way as your daughter; with sorrow that I had to live with this pain for so long.

Again, great news and hopefully it will go as well with your younger son.

Collen,
Mainly great news so far. I think your daughter will help your wife. Melody I found your comment very true,I have experienced this often.  When particular occasion I had come out to one of my female senior people, the next person below me in the chain. She was very understanding and loved my picture. We were talking in the lunch room one day and there was a newspaper article about a teen transistioning and the legalities. Another person in the room who doesn't know about started saying he thought it was all bull and people should accept who they are (ironic I know). My colleague went after him like a blow torch to butter, really took him to pieces about what an ignorant and unfeeling idiot he was. She never referred to me, but this guy left very humiliated.

A good day

Hang in there Colleen and Melody.
It does get easier with time.

Cindy

Quote from: Melody on October 26, 2010, 09:58:54 PMThe most surprising thing I found about coming out to friends and family is how deeply they were affected emotionally. Many of them found that they couldn't think of anything else for days.

Thanks girls!  Melody - yes, my older son took the day off yesterday, feigning illness.  I knew he wasn't ill.  That was the story he told my wife.  It was because of dealing with my issue.  I texted him in the morning that if he needed to talk to someone, he should call my best friend, who's gay (not that that has anything to do with anything) - he was the first one I came out to, and he's known the kids all their lives.  Anyway, my son had taken the initiative already and called him, and set up a phone chat for later in the day.  I checked up on him at lunchtime, and he was fine, he just needed some time to process.  I really do hope my daughter will help with my wife, but of course that's a very different and difficult relationship (the marriage), and it will be hard for my wife to come to grips with losing her husband to a woman.  Not even aNOTHER woman, but the woman inside!

Anyway, I am ever so much more hopeful now.  For the first time in months, I'm not living with a cloud over my head, expecting impending disaster.  Life is good! 

 Colleen,

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling so good !!. It's wonderful your children are taking the news so well and are giving you the love and compassion you deserve. I was amazed also at the supportive reactions I received from the people I have come out to.

   I feel so privileged to be amongst your supporters hear on Susan's . It's like we are all peeking in the nest to watch the eggs hatch. All the time worried, Will they make it ? Are they going to be healthy? What will they look like? Waiting til it's finally time and we can hold that little chick in our hands. And I know someday I will get a little annoyed because that chicken keeps Sh__ing on the lawn. (just kidding) But I will think back of the time we saw that beautiful little chick emerge from it's shell and start it's wonderful new life. 

   . It sounds like you have a very close and loving family. I appreciate that as I have the same.  I know that for a wife, loosing a husband and having him replaced by a wife. Is no easy matter. I will in no way suggest otherwise. But over the years hear are some things I have heard  my wife say to me, and never say.

    Sometimes she says,"Why don't you come shopping with me? I think you'll have fun...... Oh please..."

  I never hear her say, " why don't you wear sweats , drink beer and lay on the couch and watch TV all day".

    Sometimes she says,"Why don't we give each other a manicure? I think you will like it.....we can paint your nails clear, so no one will know."

I never hear her say, " Let go out to the garage , with some beer, lift the hood of the car and shoot the sh_t while we pretend we are working ."

   Sometimes she says,"Lets go somewhere, Lets take ourselves to a nice restaurant, and we can get dressed up real fancy."

   I never hear hear say " Lets go someplace where they have curbside service , we can eat in the car, it will be just like going out".

     Sometimes she says, " I wish you could be more sensitive to my feelings and you understood me better".

   I never hear her say, " I love that cute blank expression on you face when I am trying to tell you something I feel is very important, it's so adorable when I know your thinking," When can I go and what do I have to say to get her to stop talking".

   Really I know that the wives are literally getting the carpet pulled out from under them. It's good to hear you feel like you are on "cloud nine" I just am trying to add to your happiness by making you laugh a little bit.

  Hugs, Erocse

   

Quote from: erocse on October 27, 2010, 08:02:15 AMI just am trying to add to your happiness by making you laugh a little bit.

You succeeded, Erocse, thank you!  It's good to laugh at ourselves.  It's healthy.  A couple of weeks ago, there was an article in our local paper, with the headline "Coming Out is a Healthy Decision", and I've really come to realize the wisdom of that.  Of course, there is still a long way to go, this is a very long and arduous journey.  Only the very strongest will make it.  I feel strong.  I must be, to have done so much so far in so little time.  Tonight was my Gender Journeys night - it's a weekly workshop in a nearby city.  I have to take a train there and back, it's about an hour's ride.  My wife picks me up at the train.  Tonight when she picked me up, she was showing the strain.  I do hope the kids will help her see the good side of this situation, or at least encourage her to get the help she so desperately needs.  It really breaks my heart to see her so down. 

I told my youngest son this afternoon, so now they all know. He was just as loving and supportive as the other two, although at first he wasn't sure what I was talking about, because he admitted he didn't really know what the word "transgendered" meant, so I had to give him the broad strokes. He said he had great respect for me for telling him, and realized how hard it must have been for me to do so. Interestingly, last evening, there was a spot on the news about a campaign called "It Gets Better", which is aimed at LGBT youth, and he was helping to raise money for it. In our conversation this afternoon, we both mentioned the irony of that. He asked me a couple of questions (like does it mean I'm attracted to men), and in the end he hugged me and told me that this changes nothing about how he feels about me.

So that feels really, REALLY good. Tomorrow afternoon I'll let the wife know that the kids know, and I'm hoping we can have a family discussion tomorrow night after the trick-or-treaters are gone (no, the timing of this is not lost on me, lol...). And we move forward. Not sure just how, but forward it shall be.

Whoo Hooooo! That is a great story! Thanks for sharing it. We are all cheering you on.  Mrs  Erocse and I have our Pom Poms out and cheerleading skirts on. Our legs are kicked way above our head.
Yeah Yeah Sis Boom BAH!!! Ooops I think our panties are showing. He he he. 

   Hugs, Erocse

Colleen, it is great to hear that your imitate family now knows.  And I am sure that they will be talking to each other, and they might even let Mom know they know.

I wish you luck with your family discussion on Halloween.  And I do hope that things can move forward and that the family will stay together.

Colleen, this is great news! I am sure this is a great relief and I am so happy that you have taken another step forward.

Thanks, ladies.  Erocse, what a picture!  You make me smile from ear to ear!  Yes, it feels great.  But, as my best friend just said by email:  Now the work begins.  A new phase of life for our family, and the going won't always be smooth.  But it is very good to know what a close, loving family we are.  There's a part of me that thinks that perhaps one of the reasons for me to have come through this in my life (the GID, marrying and having a family, etc.... coming to THIS point in time) is for the purpose of teaching me what love really is.  That thought makes me want to cry with joy.  Since starting this journey, I have come to know such love, support, understanding... such as I never would have dreamed.  I can't even count my blessings... they're too numerous.  As difficult as the road ahead will be, I know now that I can make it, because I am surrounded by love.