aw, my old account is gone... oh well, i barely used it, new one it is.

hi!
I finally talked my therapist (who is usually pretty adamant about the real life test before HRT thing) into giving me the go ahead for HRT (i wonder which of my arguments did it. or maybe i'm just that annoying that he he just gave in ). Now he keeps saying that i have to come out, because eventually people will notice anyway (HA! and he used to say that hormones do barely anything ... mhm maybe i really should get another therapist. one where i don't feel like they are an opponent).

the thing is, i somehow keep waiting for the perfect moment even though i know that such a thing doesn't exist. ok when i came out to my big brother it really was a perfect moment for it, but that's the exception, not the rule.
I mean, i don't even know why i should come out to friends right now. i see nothing positive coming out of it. They'll just know that i'm weird (okay, that won't be news. just a new kind of weird) and they'll either stay and feel awkward about it, or they'll try to avoid me. and worse even, they might out me to other people, before i can say anything. I mean, most of them are guys, i don't really expect much support on this.
but heck, let's imagine that i'm not a pessimist for once, and there is a chance a lot of them will be supportive. How do i even begin to talk about this? where would i talk about this? in public where people might overhear? at their place? at my place? somewhere quiet? just say "hey, there's something i've got to tell you" during one of the moments no one is talking (rare, i keep talking so the whirlwind of thoughts stays calm)?
and now i changed what i study and suddenly i'm part of a smaller group of students and i'm not anonymous anymore! How do i deal with these people i have just started to know?

i know that things are a lot simpler than i make them to be, but that's me, always putting obstacles in my own way

I've kind of been doing this.  Mostly though I've been waiting until I feel comfortable coming out.  When I do, I'll most likely be doing it via instant message or email, since my friends all live out of state.  I may have gone that route even if they weren't, simply because I'm a big chicken.   Letters are good, since they don't allow your friend to interrupt you and they get the whole message as it was intended to be heard. 

Congrats on getting your therapist to give you the go-ahead!  Although I must say that I agree it would be a good idea to come out to your friends before you start, rather than just have them notice, as your therapist says.  That could be awkward for both of you, and your friends would probably appreciate being confided in beforehand.

There's never a "good" time, only the "right" time.  How do you know?  When you know the reasons why you want or need to come out, when it seems inevitable, when you can think of very good reasons why you should not delay.  If it seems more scary NOT to come out, the time is right.  If you can't think of any benefit to you or the other in coming out, the time is NOT right.  That's what I go by.  It's not perfect, but it's the best I can do.  My situation, with a wife and kids, is particularly difficult.

Quote from: Farm Boy on October 26, 2010, 01:28:07 AMWhen I do, I'll most likely be doing it via instant message or email, since my friends all live out of state.  I may have gone that route even if they weren't, simply because I'm a big chicken.   Letters are good, since they don't allow your friend to interrupt you and they get the whole message as it was intended to be heard. 

IM is what i did with two friends who live far away. It did work out well, but it's still weird to talk about this when we actually meet. The letter works, but the problem is that you can't immediately react to any questions and doubts the other person might have...  i did have to clarify some things to my parents later on, but they still don't quite understand nor listen.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on October 26, 2010, 06:26:42 AM
There's never a "good" time, only the "right" time.  How do you know?  When you know the reasons why you want or need to come out, when it seems inevitable, when you can think of very good reasons why you should not delay.  If it seems more scary NOT to come out, the time is right.  If you can't think of any benefit to you or the other in coming out, the time is NOT right.  That's what I go by.  It's not perfect, but it's the best I can do.  My situation, with a wife and kids, is particularly difficult.

if i go by that it still isn't time to come out. the only benefit i'm seeing is that i MIGHT get some support, but it still doesn't outweigh the fear i have of coming out to them.

Getting over the fear is important. It means something about the stage you have reached in your transition. I found that once I came out, it got easier and easier. Eventually, it takes on a life of its own and you just want the whole world to know so that you can begin to live your authentic life. I started with my wife, by far the hardest. Then I started with a bunch of people I considered to be potentially the most accepting, like my sister and a gay friend. Then close friends, the rest of my family and finally wrote a letter to most of the rest. Now, in the letter, I tried to anticipate the most common questions since, as you mentioned, I couldn't be there to answer them. I linked my letter below so you can see what I wrote. If it would help you, feel free to use it as a template, modifying for your specific situation of course.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,85577.0.html

The right time is hard to know. For me, I take 1 day at a time. i am sure slow is best for me.
However I do have a letter written already. Everybody knows what will work best..Good luck!