I've about had it...

bigbreastlover4269 · October 16, 2009, 09:26:17 PM

I've about had it... with the constant fret and anger that I live with today, because my soul is angry... that I'm not a woman and I can't/don't want to transition. Even I do transition, I'd still loosing out on things biological women go through. I can't tell anybody I'm transgender thanks to the rage of today's youth and the hate for the GLBT community thanks to the rage of the world today. What does God want out of me? I have a non-accepting mother who I hate so much.

It's like God doesn't care that I wanted to be female. It's like He's just an ignorant being that doesn't care for the wants of his creations. Well sure, if I go, I forfit the life I'd be leaving behind. I love the city that I live near, I'd hate to give that up. My point of this post, I thought about hanging myself tonight. I really don't want to because there are too many things that I want to accomplish first, but there are times like when I posted this thread that I'm so mad about what I'm going though that I wish I had a gun to shoot my brains out.

I plan on telling God tonight that if I'm not going to be who I really want to be, if my soul is costantly being bothered by the fact that I'm not female, then I really don't want to be here. I've also been wondering what I could've did in my last life to deserve a hellish punishment like this. I'm not sure if it was God who did this. I've had feelings that it was. Maybe perhaps I deserve it? Well God, let me tell You something, since You see everything, including what I'm writing. I'm done. If this is something You want me to pay for a past sin i commited, i've gone through all the suffering so I hope You're happy. The only thing that stands in the way of wanting to commit suicide is the fact that there are other things that I want to do, see, and experience before I leave Earth.

Removed disallowed content and fixed broken link. ~ Miniar

Bellaon7 · October 17, 2009, 10:21:29 PM

I don't know as a human how to take your pain away, but I'm pretty sure no ones' God is gonna put gonna put a yellow brick road down before us. I would love to think that all the crimes against humanity could be blaimed on some ons's God. At least things would make some kind of sense & we'd know where we stand, but that's not the case.

finewine · October 18, 2009, 02:53:41 AM

BL, try if you can to "separate and clarify" your issues. Ranting against god is pointless (whether you believe in the existence of god or not) because either way, your rants will fall on deaf ears. As for the rage and hate you refer to, yes I understand your concern - but in my experience, there'll always be something that someone can find to hate - be it race, religion, gender, orientation or even something as superficial as your fashion!

Despite the despair you may feel, my only advice is to be true to yourself - adapt as best as you can to whatever circumstances you find yourself in until you (hopefully) manage to get into better circumstances.

Ultimately, though, responsibility for managing your life is yours. Good luck and hang in there!

Cindy · October 18, 2009, 04:19:00 AM

Dear BL

I do feel for you Honey. There are times when it's just about impossible to take another step and no one seems to care.

I have to admit I gave up on gods a long time ago. I try not and look at myself as a freak but as another human being. I'm beautiful in my own way. And I hve met some of the nicest people on this site that they have given me the hope and strength to keep going.

My love to you and some Australian Hugs and Kisses

Cindy

bigbreastlover4269 · October 20, 2009, 09:35:38 PM

Kvall/Kaiser, I barely even understood the content of the story from the Bible, but thank you for that. Yeah, I was told that bad things happen for good reasons. I, aloud, went, "HUUUUH?" and tilted my head upon reading,

Quote from: Kvall on October 20, 2009, 06:48:34 AMRather they are gifts from God that at first seem like curses.

Maybe this is my life lesson this lifetime but, if The Creator intended this to be a "gift", not making me a girl, then this is a God-given gift that I fail to appreciate. Because I don't! GRRRR! But then I have to learn.

I thought my life lessons included;
- Learning to appreciate
- Being accepting to others
- The "Golden" rule
- And seeing my ->-bleeped-<- as a gift, i guess.

Still not getting the full gist of the story, here's what I got from it, putting it in nutshell mode. The blind man wanted to be able to see (no duh, what blind person doesn't?) and he thought it was due to a sin he commited. Jesus told him it was not. The people of the city knew he was blind. When he was finally able to see he was shunned away from everyone.

So forreal forreal, his blindness and my being transgender is a blessing? How, I do not know but seek to know. He was eventually given the ability to see, but everyone turned him away because of the change when all God had to do was give him the ability to see from the beginning like in my gender case.

*puts my hand on the bible, and raises my other hand to God*

I God-honest feel as though He should have made me female all along instead of choosing to put me though this Hell called "being transgender" and thought that God was repsonsible for putting me through it.

Quote from: Kvall on October 20, 2009, 06:48:34 AMYou say that you can't/don't want to transition. Is it that you do not want to live your life as a woman, or that you fear the backlash from the world? You said you would be giving a lot up... so did the blind man, and he had to give up his whole community as a result of his healing. Yet he was given a gift, something he wanted intensely. The things we want most in life all come with sacrifices.

Also, what I meant by this was, say I wanted to / was going to transition and live as a woman. I'd still be missing out because I still won't be able to menstuate (women complain about it but being who I am makes me want to), I won't be able to get pregnant (don't want kids anyway), I still have XY chromosomes which can't be changed, and I was still born male. If there's ANY transition I want to go through, it is for God to give me a body just like the sexy young lady pictured in my avatar. Thanks again, for the replies.

BigLover

FairyGirl · October 20, 2009, 10:48:37 PM

Finewine is right; ranting against god is pointless and you're only cursing yourself. If you don't like the circumstances of your life then change them, it's what we are all doing to the best of our abilities. Eventually you have to get over being god's victim. Nothing anywhere says you have to wait on god to drop the perfect life in your lap. If you do you may be waiting a very long time.

Tammy Hope · October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PM

Let me see if I can tackle this.

first, let me qualify my remarks by saying that I am assuming you are attempting to speak within the context of the Christian God - if not, what I'm going to say will have very little relevance.

I cannot speak to what other faith systems would say to you, but I CAN speak from a lifetime in the Christian faith and, I think, decent reconciliation between being Christian and being trans.

Quote from: BigLover on October 16, 2009, 09:26:17 PM
I've about had it... with the constant fret and anger that I live with today, because my soul is angry... that I'm not a woman and I can't/don't want to transition. Even I do transition, I'd still loosing out on things biological women go through. I can't tell anybody I'm transgender thanks to the rage of today's youth and the hate for the GLBT community thanks to the rage of the world today. What does God want out of me?

Surrender, I think. First, let's clarify - being trans is NOT, IMO, something God did specifically TO you or FOR you. He didn't look into the womb and see you conceived and say to himself "I think I'll jerk this one around"

God, if he exists, created a world and turned it lose. If you were to think that god "did this to me" then you'd have to think god purposely afflicted the child born with Spina Bifida, or the person who's paralyzed in an accident, or the flood or fire which destroyed a families livelihood, or the cancer that takes a young child from his family.

It's not sane, if you really analyze it, to think that god purposely acts to cause bad things to happen to people.

Likewise, a lot of Christians misguidedly believe that God is some sort of wish machine who capriciously goes about fixing what's gone wrong upon request. Which begs the question - "Why didn't god save my kid with cancer? Why didn't god prevent the accident that crippled me?" and etc.

Yes, I believe in miracles and I believe that he intervenes, as he sees fit and for his own reasons, in time and space.
But he does that to further HIS goals, not ours. God answers prayer, but he doesn't always answer "yes"

Furthermore, your complaint seems to arise from the conviction that your burden is worse than that of others. Everyone has burdens and afflictions of one sort or another. It's selfish of us to want to be free of ours and it's unrealistic to assume ALL of them will be taken care of.

As for "what he wants from you?" No one can say for sure but - for just one example - maybe he just wants you to be an object lesson to those around you. A lot of us have discussed on this board that one of the best remedies for hatred is to "put a face on" that which is hated in the abstract. Often times that doesn't work of course. Legion are the trans-persons who have lost everyone they cared about because those people wouldn't change.

That's just one possibility - but it's only meant to serve as an example of the fact that, as the Bible says, His ways are not your ways and his thoughts are not your thoughts. Just because you can't see the good he sees in a situation doesn't mean none exists.

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I have a non-accepting mother who I hate so much.

Maybe he wants you to learn not to meet hate with hate?

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It's like God doesn't care that I wanted to be female. It's like He's just an ignorant being that doesn't care for the wants of his creations.[/quiote]

Every single person who ever suffered could say "It's as if god doesn't care"

now, let me concede a couple of things - maybe, just maybe, he doesn't. But if he doesn't, he's a monster and we are fools to waste our time discussing him because he can't be pleased. he'd be like the way Hollywood portrays the Devil. But if you really believe that you wouldn't be arguing with him.

Second, let me concede that maybe he's not there at all, in which case your rage and my answer are both pointless so we go from here assuming for the sake of discussion that neither of these are true.

SO

Consider this - IF the proof that "God cares" could ONLY be found in God fixing everything that was wrong, where would that leave us?

In a world where nothing bad ever happened.

In such a world, how would we know joy except in contrast to pain? How would we grow and become mature beings instead of spoiled children if we never suffered? Have you ever seen a child who's parents made sure nothing bad ever happened to them? Are there any bigger hellions on Earth than those kids?

You want a world full of billions of those spoiled brats? what would ever be accomplished?

god would have to be providing manna from heaven just to make sure we all ate.

No, it's not practical or sensible that God fix ALL problems, therefore you cannot logically argue that not fixing a problem is proof God doesn't care about the person having the problem.
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Well sure, if I go, I forfit the life I'd be leaving behind. I love the city that I live near, I'd hate to give that up. My point of this post, I thought about hanging myself tonight. I really don't want to because there are too many things that I want to accomplish first, but there are times like when I posted this thread that I'm so mad about what I'm going though that I wish I had a gun to shoot my brains out.
You know the cool thing about God? He is ok with your anger. He know WHY you hurt, he knows HOW you hurt, and he knows what you don't - what good will come from your pain.
But he fully understands that WHILE you are hurting you are going to be really really pissed off. And he's cool with that. He's not sitting there going "How dare that one be so mad at me? Doesn't she realize what I've done for her? I think a good smiting is in order!"

No, he's not like that - especially in regards to those who believe in him (he might be with the unbeliever I guess)
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I plan on telling God tonight that if I'm not going to be who I really want to be, if my soul is costantly being bothered by the fact that I'm not female, then I really don't want to be here.
I've had THAT conversation before. I can't tell you how to resolve it but for me, I told him I would give him my every effort to be "normal" and when, after a time, I didn't receive any "healing" for what I had been told was a perversion, I told him that I was going to accept that this was ok with him. And deal with it. But it doesn't matter if you reach the same conclusion as me - the point is, it's a good thing to be frank with God.

but if you believe that he is, and you believe that he does have the ability to fix the things you have a problem with, then you HAVE to believe he knows better than you. And if he does, then you should be very careful about trying to out think him or put him in a box of your design.

If there's no other good argument for sticking around, there's at least the belief that he's going somewhere with this and if you quit early you never find out what the endgame was.
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I've also been wondering what I could've did in my last life to deserve a hellish punishment like this.
If you believe in the Christian God, and what is called his Word - then there is no past life.

And, by the way, bad things don't happen to people as a "punishment" for something they did or are going to do. Bad things happen to good people and bad people sometimes live charmed lives. god is not micromanaging to "get" people.

The axiom "everything happens for a reason" is true in the sense of the broad mosaic of humanity, not in the specific event that happened today.

Consider an illustration I once heard. If you look at the bottom of a woven tapestry, it looks like a mess. Loose ends, random color patterns, everything like some sort of sloppy jumble. but the weaver sees the other side, where all the various threads create the overall picture that he is planning.
so it is with our lives - it's not the individual flat tire, or the moron who called you a ->-bleeped-<-got, or the job you got fired from, or the desire that breaks your heart tonight because it wasn't granted today....it's the tapestry, not just of your life or of mine but of all of them together.

But the person looking at the bottom is poorly positioned to comment on the image on the other side.
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I'm not sure if it was God who did this. I've had feelings that it was. Maybe perhaps I deserve it?
I've already addressed the idea of being done "to" you, but as for "deserve"? We ALL "deserve" FAR WORSE than what we get in this life. There are ten thousand bad things that could easily happen to you in any given day that don't.

But you didn't get singled out for a particular affliction - I don't mean to sound harsh but that's just a self-absorbed point of view. don't you think you have it better than the person who has a brain tumor? would you assume that person "deserved" their affliction? Of course not. Do you have it better than the paraplegic? Better than the person who lost everything they ever owned in a fire or a tornado? Better than the person who watched their child die in their arms? Better than the person who has MS?

Do any of those people DESERVE their pain? in your opinion? If they do not, then what makes YOUR pain so special that surely YOU among all of them DESERVE it?
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Well God, let me tell You something, since You see everything, including what I'm writing. I'm done. If this is something You want me to pay for a past sin i commited, i've gone through all the suffering so I hope You're happy.
I understand anger with God - been there done that - but just in the interest of stating objective truth (in this context of course) - God cannot ever be happy that one of his creation suffer.

If you had ever been a parent you would know that a loving parent OFTEN has to stand by and see his or her child "suffer" because the pain is the only way they mature. but that parent, unless they are a monster, is NEVER anything but broken-hearted that the pain, however necessary, exists.
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The only thing that stands in the way of wanting to commit suicide is the fact that there are other things that I want to do, see, and experience before I leave Earth.
Indeed there are. The fun thing is, he already knows what he has waiting for you, and that if you stick it out, you will understand someday.

I know none of this heals the hurt, and I wish words existed that would. I know from my own life that when you are on the ledge, very little sounds like a good case for coming down. but someone still has to tell you the truth. Love requires no less.

bigbreastlover4269 · October 21, 2009, 09:51:02 PM

Quote from: Kvall on October 20, 2009, 10:33:09 PMthe man was blind, therefore he was a sinner. A holy man would never do anything good for a sinner, so this fellow who healed the blind man must be getting his powers from demons.

"So since I'm transgender, I'm supposedly a sinner. God would never do anything for me because I'm a sinner and have to be transgender as a punishment. In that case, if I did undergo transition, I must be getting a female body from demons?"

There's a reason, if you think about it, why I have this in quotes.

Quote from: Kvall on October 20, 2009, 10:33:09 PMI don't have all the answers and it does seem as if you're faced with something impossible; wants that are physically impossible at this point in time... and maybe there is some balance you will eventually find, with meaning and worth and fulfillment along the way. I certainly hope so. You will be in my prayers.

Thank you for that. I don't expect any of you to have all the answers. But it does point me in the right direction in the walks of life.

Quote from: Kvall on October 20, 2009, 10:33:09 PMThis is important because it is saying that those people who had physical sight but refused to see the blind man as anything but a sinner were blind themselves (spiritually), while the physically blind man could see (spiritually). What happens in our bodies is important, but what is in our hearts and minds is even more important, You may be physically male, but inside and spiritually, you are female already. Maybe instead of seeing your transsexuality as a gift/curse from God, you should see your womanhood as being the gift. Many cissexual women take their bodies and their gender for granted (and if they are transphobic then they are doubly blind); you instead see more clearly what your gender and being female is. Who knows what this opens up for you... perhaps it means you will meet wonderful people you never would have met otherwise. Perhaps it means you will be inspired to help women in some vital way. Perhaps it is just an existential transformative experience. In the blind man's case, it was good because it allowed him to experience a spiritual transformation with Jesus at his side.

Amen. I couldn't agree more. Perhaps in past lives I took for granted being female. Now I have to go through this to really value being female for what it's worth.

Quote from: Kvall on October 20, 2009, 10:33:09 PMThis is important because it is saying that those people who had physical sight but refused to see the blind man as anything but a sinner were blind themselves (spiritually), while the physically blind man could see (spiritually).

"This is important because it is saying that those people who were cisgendered but refused to see the transgender person as anything but a sinner were transgender themselves (spiritually), while the transgender person could see (spiritually)

"

Quote from: FairyGirl on October 20, 2009, 10:48:37 PM
If you don't like the circumstances of your life then change them, it's what we are all doing to the best of our abilities. Eventually you have to get over being god's victim. Nothing anywhere says you have to wait on god to drop the perfect life in your lap. If you do you may be waiting a very long time.

But how? Being transgender is not something you "get over"!

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PM
Let me see if I can tackle this.

first, let me qualify my remarks by saying that I am assuming you are attempting to speak within the context of the Christian God - if not, what I'm going to say will have very little relevance.

Let me just get this one thing out of the way. I am NOT a Christian and nor do I syndicate myself as a part of any particular religious group. The reason this thread is under the Christian forum is because my past rants at God threads; "Blamming Allah?", "A nice note I wrote to God", and this thread I wanted under the Transgender forum where I thought it would belong but a mod would always move them here.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMI cannot speak to what other faith systems would say to you, but I CAN speak from a lifetime in the Christian faith and, I think, decent reconciliation between being Christian and being trans.
Surrender, I think. First, let's clarify - being trans is NOT, IMO, something God did specifically TO you or FOR you. He didn't look into the womb and see you conceived and say to himself "I think I'll jerk this one around"

Against me, then? That's just the way I feel these days.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMGod created a world and turned it loose. If you were to think that god "did this to me" then you'd have to think god purposely afflicted the child born with Spina Bifida, or the person who's paralyzed in an accident, or the flood or fire which destroyed a families livelihood, or the cancer that takes a young child from his family.

It's not sane, if you really analyze it, to think that god purposely acts to cause bad things to happen to people.

Likewise, a lot of Christians misguidedly believe that God is some sort of wish machine who capriciously goes about fixing what's gone wrong upon request. Which begs the question - "Why didn't god save my kid with cancer? Why didn't god prevent the accident that crippled me?" and etc.

I have to agree that that kind of makes sence.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMYes, I believe in miracles and I believe that he intervenes, as he sees fit and for his own reasons, in time and space. But he does that to further HIS goals, not ours. God answers prayer, but he doesn't always answer "yes"

Which again, thank you very much a lot for empahsizing my reason why I really rather not be alive if he's only going to do things because of the way HE wants them to be. Think of it as inviting guests to a party and you're the host. You're the one scheduling this-that-the-other to be at such-and-such a time and going by this strict schedule. Wouldn't your partygoers say to you "Look, why can't we do what we want to do or we don't have to be here!?" Life is no different. If I can't stand with this any longer, I know where the door is.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMFurthermore, your complaint seems to arise from the conviction that your burden is worse than that of others. Everyone has burdens and afflictions of one sort or another. It's selfish of us to want to be free of ours and it's unrealistic to assume ALL of them will be taken care of.

First of all, I agree to the fact that things can be a lot worst. But how can you accuse me of being selfish of wanting to escape our burdens? You would want to be free from yours, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want to escape the hell that you go though time and time again if you know what I'm talking about?

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMThat's just one possibility - but it's only meant to serve as an example of the fact that, as the Bible says, His ways are not your ways and his thoughts are not your thoughts. Just because you can't see the good he sees in a situation doesn't mean none exists. Maybe he wants you to learn not to meet hate with hate? You know the cool thing about God? He is ok with your anger. He know WHY you hurt, he knows HOW you hurt, and he knows what you don't - what good will come from your pain.

Oh, really? Well say you badly offended a person unintentionally and learned of their hurt when you witness their hate and anger directed at you. You would understand why they are feeling the way they feel, would you not?

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMbut if you believe that he is, and you believe that he does have the ability to fix the things you have a problem with, then you HAVE to believe he knows better than you. And if he does, then you should be very careful about trying to out think him or put him in a box of your design.

Well, what is this, you suppose? To test my abilities to work my way around a No-Win situation? A no-win situation that makes me so desperate that I'm willing to kiss God's behind for him to make me a female?

Let me tell you one other thing-
My mother always told me that "If God wanted me to be a girl, then I would be," but all that does, is angers me with burning passion and it boils my blood. I would reply with, "I don't care," and she would say "Oh, well you're being selfish then!" How the heck am I being selfish in that case? All telling me things like that does is get my angry enough to do something crazy. I can't say exactly what because if a mod reads it, I'd be kicked off the board but something psychotic... yes, that. It only makes me begrudge God even more and it's more like God is the entity who is being selfish, really.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMIf there's no other good argument for sticking around, there's at least the belief that he's going somewhere with this and if you quit early you never find out what the endgame was. If you believe in the Christian God, and what is called his Word - then there is no past life.

If you disagree with me, then that's you. But I know in a much higher level than belief that there are past and future lives, and forreal forreal, the events that take place in our current lives are proof of it all. We have lessons to learn and if we don't learn the lesson here, we'll have to keep coming back until it's learnt. Some people want to whine and groan that they don't want to come back but just to be female... I DO.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMAnd, by the way, bad things don't happen to people as a "punishment" for something they did or are going to do. Bad things happen to good people and bad people sometimes live charmed lives. god is not micromanaging to "get" people.

Ever hear of the Karma's Law?

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMBut the person looking at the bottom is poorly positioned to comment on the image on the other side.I've already addressed the idea of being done "to" you, but as for "deserve"? We ALL "deserve" FAR WORSE than what we get in this life. There are ten thousand bad things that could easily happen to you in any given day that don't.

After all my rants and disrespect for God, yeah, you know what, you're probably right. I probably do deserve worst but I'm at least thankful for where I am now on the plus side and things didn't get worst. And you know what else? Maybe God wanted me to post these angry rants about him, as far as your "everything happens for a reason" lecture goes. Maybe that's his way of trying to tell me something.

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 20, 2009, 11:40:35 PMBut you didn't get singled out for a particular affliction - I don't mean to sound harsh but that's just a self-absorbed point of view. don't you think you have it better than the person who has a brain tumor? would you assume that person "deserved" their affliction? Of course not. Do you have it better than the paraplegic? Better than the person who lost everything they ever owned in a fire or a tornado? Better than the person who watched their child die in their arms? Better than the person who has MS?

Do any of those people DESERVE their pain? in your opinion? If they do not, then what makes YOUR pain so special that surely YOU among all of them DESERVE it?I understand anger with God - been there done that - but just in the interest of stating objective truth (in this context of course) - God cannot ever be happy that one of his creation suffer.

If you had ever been a parent you would know that a loving parent OFTEN has to stand by and see his or her child "suffer" because the pain is the only way they mature. but that parent, unless they are a monster, is NEVER anything but broken-hearted that the pain, however necessary, exists.Indeed there are. The fun thing is, he already knows what he has waiting for you, and that if you stick it out, you will understand someday.

I know none of this heals the hurt, and I wish words existed that would. I know from my own life that when you are on the ledge, very little sounds like a good case for coming down. but someone still has to tell you the truth. Love requires no less.

You know what? Sure. I know worst is waiting for me if I let it in. It just feels so wrong that God would know what my ideal body looks like and give someone else mine. I've seen females with that very body I want and the woman in my avatar is one of them. I get so jelious and vexed. Maybe that's something else that I have to learn. But you're defiantely right, things can and will get much worst along the lines. At least I have a home and everything else. But then again, I'm a thickheaded person sometimes and I will fight TOOTH AND NAIL to get the things that I desire most. Which is why I said, even if I have to side with the Devil, I will make sure I get all my dreams met.

FairyGirl · October 21, 2009, 10:38:01 PM

being transgender isn't something you just get over and I never said "get over it". I said change it. I'm changing my body by HRT and in the near future by SRS and any other surgeries I might need. It's already helping a LOT. Do I expect to come out in the end looking like Megan Fox or Jessica Alba? No, but blaming god for that would be pointless. Besides, they don't get to look like me, either.

We do our best to change what we can, but nothing wrong with shaking your fist in god's face every now and then if it makes you feel better. Doesn't change anything, but you get to blow off a little steam lol

Tammy Hope · October 22, 2009, 03:41:29 AM

QuoteI really rather not be alive if he's only going to do things because of the way HE wants them to be.

That only makes sense if you think you know better than him.

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First of all, I agree to the fact that things can be a lot worst. But how can you accuse me of being selfish of wanting to escape our burdens? You would want to be free from yours, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want to escape the hell that you go though time and time again if you know what I'm talking about?

Context, my sister - check the context. I said it was selfish to want YOUR (or MY) burden to be lifted selectively among all those burdens which are out there.

Either you want ALL burdens lifted - which isn't rational - or, when you take emotion out of it, you'd want the WORST burdens lifted which you and i agree ours are not.

so in that context, if you want yours lifted selectively, it's selfish. Don't think I'm judging - I want mine lifted too, and I know I'm being selfish. But the fact that I KNOW that my desire is irrational and selfish is what tempers my anger that I don't get what i want.

QuoteWell, what is this, you suppose?

I doubt I know the answer to that for ME, I'm quite sure I can't know the answer for you.

but it's not necessary to know the answer to see the logic.

the reasoning is simple and straightforward and the only reason anyone can't see it is emotion.

IF God exists
and
IF God has the power to fix your problem
THEN
It stands to reason that he hasn't done so for some good reason.

And that his reasoning is better than yours or mine.

that doesn't mean we have to agree with his reasoning, or that we even have to know what it is - but rationally, if he is any being worthy of being called "god", he's smarter than we are and his plans are better. Whether we LIKE it or not.

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My mother always told me that "If God wanted me to be a girl, then I would be," but all that does, is angers me with burning passion and it boils my blood.

Which just illustrates that you are coming at this from the point of view of emotion.

Here's the thing - no one can ever prove to you your emotions are wrong. Because emotions are not fact based.

The only thing any of us can do is speak to REASON, not emotion.

Don't think I don't understand - I do. EMOTIONALLY I will never cease being insanely frustrated I was born wrong.

If you are looking for a cure for that, I don't think there is one. but just like a parapalegic (for one example) can rage against whatever put them in the chair, at the end of the day you either make your peace with what you can't change, or you live a miserable life.

If you look around the board here at the women who have come through this and found a fulfilling and happy life on the other side - you don't see women who never felt like you do.

You see women who DID feel JUST like you do (variations of faith aside) and vowed not to surrender to despair but to see their way through to a place of peace. Of course, many others went off the ledge at some point to.

Only you can decide which group you want to join. but you have said you DON'T want to be in that second group....so why wallow in misery instead of making peace with what you can't change?

QuoteWe have lessons to learn and if we don't learn the lesson here, we'll have to keep coming back until it's learnt.

Well, not to say I agree with past lives BUT, within the context of what you have said in this thread - if you do, then your grossing about why God doesn't just "fix it" is hardly an effort to learn the lesson that's being taught, is it?

If you are convinced that each lifetime is an exercise in teaching us lessons, then that's all the more reason that you should accept that what you are going through IS such a lesson and you should be glad to have been taught it so you don't have to be taught it again.

But you are taking the position of the kid who says "I hate school" and refuses to learn. That kid usually has to repeat the lesson. I don't think you want THAT.

Quote
Some people want to whine and groan that they don't want to come back but just to be female... I DO.

You do realize that in traditional reincarnation theology, going from male to female is a step DOWN the ladder, right?

Within that belief system, you are asking God to send you back a grade.

Quote
as far as your "everything happens for a reason" lecture goes. Maybe that's his way of trying to tell me something.

A possibility to be sure.

Quote
But then again, I'm a thickheaded person sometimes and I will fight TOOTH AND NAIL to get the things that I desire most. Which is why I said, even if I have to side with the Devil, I will make sure I get all my dreams met.

As is your right - but for a person who believes that every life is an exercise in "learning a lesson" - it seems hard to believe that THAT is the lesson being taught in this life.

Maybe....maybe the desire is that being controlled by your desires isn't the wisest path to actual happiness after all...

In any case, I hope and pray you find clarity. I'll refrain from any further lecturing as you have more than enough on your mind.

jainie marlena · October 15, 2010, 02:19:42 AM

Blessing from God I would have to say yes. at first it was curse, but now I see blessing.

I have met many great people here.

I get to understand how God feels about not getting to express who he truely is because everyone see the wrong body(30,000 diffrent denominations in the world) so no one has gotten to know God as he really is.

God of love viewed by mosty as God of hate.

He created me this way so that others like myself would have someone that understands them. It was great when I realized that God knew that I was a woman. For the first time someone cared that I was here. If we opened up people would not be so closed minded.

God is very angry with his expretion of him self that everyone has to look at so don't think that he his closed minded to what you are going through.

thought about suicide me too. think about this is it really that you are transgendered that hurts or is it all the crap that you have to put up with that comes with being trans?

God hears your faintest cry. Have you ever thought about what God thinks of you? There are so many promises that are yours that it would be crazy not to find out what they are?

Eunuchs were in between genders there are promises to these that belong to all of us seek them out.

"I will give them a name that is greater then son and daughters."

may help
http://gendertree.com/Are%20we%20Eunuchs.htm

http://mercytoall.net/dtm/eunuchs.htm

Isaiah 56:4-5 it speaks prophetically of a time in the future when eunuchs will be given their rightful place in the kingdom of God."you have obeyed(believed) from the heart the teaching(Jesus the savoir of the world) that given to you"

hope it helps

justmeinoz · October 15, 2010, 07:42:27 AM

My mother always told me that "If God wanted me to be a girl, then I would be,". So your mother (Jerry Falwell/Fred Nile/ Fred Phelps/ etc) knows what God is thinking? Sounds like some people are getting a bit above themselves. I am getting really tired of old men of either gender telling me what to do because they are on a power trip, and think they have a hot line to the Almighty.

We don't have all the information so we can't make a fully informed decision. ( Bear in mind that I am talking of spiritual matters here, not the neurobiology of the cause of TS. )We have to assume that by definition God has all the answers, even if for some reason they are not readily apparent, or we don't like what has been revealed so far.

Doesn't mean we have to like it, any more that a baseball player will like a disputed strike out decision. But, just because he disagrees, the player is not going to hang up his bat and refuse to play any more.

Hang in there, dig your heels in, and hold fast to what is at the core of yourself and you can live an authentic life. No guarantees of eternal happiness, but you will have your self respect.

LordKAT · October 16, 2010, 12:52:10 AM

I'm not sure how this fits but here goes.

I tend to hear about how god made us in his image. Well we obviously don't all look alike nor do we all have the same sex or gender. That leaves that part out of the equation. I believe that the part of us that is in his image is spirit. We are made of three parts, body soul and spirit. The body is obvious, our physical self. Soul is that which animates us. Animals have soul as they can move and even reason to a point. Spirit , however is the only part which is given to men and women and not plants or animals.

God from that point of view loves all of us and the sex or gender of a person has no bearing on it.

There are many who dispute this way of thinking and I have other views which many disagree with but they are the only way I can make sense of the bible and belief systems.

Please note that these are not in any way trying to make you adjust your views.

Sarah_aus · October 28, 2010, 07:08:55 AM

BigLover,

I've just been reading this post, and I read a lot of anger, a lot of questioning.
I feel where that is coming from.
Kvall, I like the passages you have chosen, for me they have given me strength in low times.

Someone here previously said something that I think fits this well
(sorry I couldn't find the post, if anyone recognises this or knows who said it please let me know so that I can give them the credit they deserve)

Do you think God is more concerned about the clothes on your body, or whether you help clothe the poor? Does He care more about the letter of the law, or the spirit of the law? Would He rather have children that never break the rules, are always clean, neatly groomed, pay the tithe, never miss church on Sunday, and yet who love little and look down their noses at people? Or would He rather have us a little scruffy and ragged and yet with big hearts of love, trust, joy, peace, compassion?

To anyone that says "if god wanted you to be a girl he would have made you so" direct them to
Ecclesiates 11:5 - As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

Finally, Punishment - I don't beleive that he is punishing us, nor anyone, what kind of god would do that? I think we punish ourselves, we were dealt a bad hand, no denying that, as laura said, but many of us still have our health, it can always be worse... I wanted to avoid the whole clique when life gives you lemons, make lemonade thing, but at the end of the day, life is what we make of it, some things we cannot choose, I certainly didn't choose to be transgender, anymore than I chose to have blue eyes, its a part of me, but I can choose to accept it, I can choose to be happy, I can choose to live

Life is hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, I don't know if there is a plan for me, I don't know if there is such a thing as fate, I do beleive that I am here for a reason.

I hope you are doing better

~Sarah

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