Quote from: Megan on October 15, 2010, 02:11:20 AM
If I couldn't pass at all, then no I wouldn't transition, since the point of being a woman is to pass.

Huh? Maybe that is 'your' point but it isn't mine. I transitioned because I need to live my life as a female. Hopefully in the future I will pass %100 but that would just be icing on the cake.

Quote from: Megan on October 15, 2010, 02:11:20 AM
If I couldn't pass at all, then no I wouldn't transition, since the point of being a woman is to pass.

If I was just an ugly woman then, I would be questioning if I could pass or not then, and then I'll explore my options until I find out if I was transsexual or not (like I had the past few years; I do my things slow). I still have some doubts but it's getting clearer to me that I am a transsexual.  I am. It's just that, is it worth it, where do I go? How, money? Why? That stuff right now. If I was an ugly woman then that would mean I was an ugly man too... so what's the difference besides gender so I'll go with woman.

I am still on a turtle, I am just realizing I could be really beautiful, and it's new to me... It's bizarre. I feel like it, but I don't know If I'll still do it. I still doubt... but I never want to be off my spiro again. Being off my spiro it was like I was dying.

I'm transitioning because I need to, I don't expect to be anything beyond an average looking woman. Sure being classed as hot, cute or beautiful would be a bonus, but if I achieve average looking I'll be happy. I, according to others, make a cute guy - but the issue is that I'm not a guy.

well I came back, I know I am transsexual.

I am just a vain narcissistic transsexual, who needs to get what she wants from this world. My image is everything since people feed off of your energy and your look, and I have to look a certain way to get what I want from the world; be it male or female.

But in time maybe it will be, I am just not completely depressed about it.

I have a goal in my mind, and I won't explain it all here, but if I turned into a female then society will reject me.. and then my goals will be crap.

And I'll have to deal it with it on my own time...

Quote from: Dana Lane on October 15, 2010, 03:18:25 PM
Huh? Maybe that is 'your' point but it isn't mine. I transitioned because I need to live my life as a female. Hopefully in the future I will pass %100 but that would just be icing on the cake.

I'll transition my way. If you were me, I wouldn't transition, since I would need to pass. I cannot live as a female in fear of being read, with a strong jaw, with a heavy eyebrows, and so masculine.

I guess I am not brave as you... but I want to be passable as a female 100%, otherwise I will not do it.

This isn't some sexual/beauty/fetish thing, and I am feeling like most people are thinking that this is what it is. It's just a desire to be passable.

 
Lets not get into a "I pass better than you" contest.  No insulting another member.

Move along.

Your transition is just that "your".  One one else will work for you.

Quote from: Megan on October 15, 2010, 04:58:21 PM
well I came back, I know I am transsexual.

I am just a vain narcissistic transsexual, who needs to get what she wants from this world. My image is everything since people feed off of your energy and your look, and I have to look a certain way to get what I want from the world; be it male or female.

But in time maybe it will be, I am just not completely depressed about it.

I have a goal in my mind, and I won't explain it all here, but if I turned into a female then society will reject me.. and then my goals will be crap.

And I'll have to deal it with it on my own time...

I think you're being too harsh on yourself, just as some on here have been too harsh on you. NOTHING could be more female, particularly in ones teens or twenties, than wanting to look pretty. If women didn't want to look pretty, the whole of consumer society would grind to a halt. All those magazines, fashion labels, shoe manufacturers, cosmetics houses would go bust, along with the beauticians, dieticians, gym proprietors, shopkeepers, advertising agenies ... all that whole gigantic economy that is based purely on girls wanting to look pretty.

And I can absolutely see why you look at something as life-changing and as risky as transition and wonder whether you will come out OK on the other side. I know how you feel, because I was in your shoes, many many years ago, when there were no websites to go on and no other trans-women to talk to.

I knew in my heart that I wanted to be my true, female self, but I had no idea how to set about it. In the meantime, the world kept rewarding me for being male. Tho I had terrible self-esteem and did not know it, I was actually very handsome - handsome enough, ironically to have been a very pretty girl - but I certainly did know that I was clever, and privileged and that as long as I toed the line and did everything a man should do, good things would come my way. So why take the risk of transition? ... Not that anyone called it 'transition' back then.

So I stayed a man and I received all those blessings ... and I was miserable. And it took me till I was 50 to finally own up to myself about why I was so unhappy - I was, and am living a lie. But by then I had a wife and three children all dependent on me ... and the cost to me and to them of my transitioning was and is incredibly - unfairly, to them - high.

And I too worry, just as you do, about how I will look. Because I look fine as a guy ... not as good as I did, but still OK. But as a woman? Not so sure. And yes, maybe it's shallow of me to worry about that, and maybe it proves I'm not a 'real' transsexual, whatever the hell that is, but I, like you, have very high standards and I don't want to be an embarrassment to myself or anyone else.

So I totally relate to where your coming from ... but here's my strong advice. Follow your instincts now. If you want to transition, do it now. You will never be prettier or better able to do it than you are now. You will never have less to lose.

All you have to know is ... do you really want to do it?

Quote from: alexia elliot on October 15, 2010, 01:37:21 PMYes I want to be pretty but first I want to be "ME"

And trust me, alexia, you ARE pretty.  You sort of remind me a bit of Michelle Phillips (The Mommas And The Poppas).  You just have that foxy look to you.  We should all be so lucky.

In one sense, I'm sort of glad I'm starting out in my 50's.  Because whatever I end up looking like, I will be happy and satisfied with.  I can't begin to predict what the "end product" will be, but I have learned during my lifetime that true beauty comes from within.  I have now met a number of MTF's in person, and I would not characterize any of them as raving beauties, but then, I wouldn't characterize any of the GG's I know as such, either.  Yet every woman I meet, trans or not, if they are beautiful people inside, it shows on the outside, and they are truly beautiful.  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Thanks Colleen, words mean a lot and often change the image we see in the mirror. I consider my self fairly intellectual (doesn't mean smart!) and often reason in self retrospect the need to feel beautiful. Regardless of intensity or clarity of resolution I find my self gravitating towards outward expression eventually, and need to look beautiful grows and nags again and again.
Interestingly though I only had a need to feel good looking as a male when in my teen and early twenties when on the hunt for babes :-) later my outward appearance became absolutely inconsequential. Only now when deeply in transition vanity has surfaced with a vengeance, but I am not for the hunt, I am simply doing it for me, or am I? Is there another force at work which stirs up those emotions? Or is it seeking the acceptance, but this time, acceptance as a female in totality?

By the way Colleen, you say in your fifties? Wow, if this is you in your avatar then yowza! You look 30s at oldest!

Well, I usually stir up controvery when I express an opinion in this section, but here we go again.

Go back and read your own words, Megan. You're saying things like "If I couldn't pass at all, then no I wouldn't transition". "I am fighting it daily". You're expressing more concern about your appearance than your life.

At the very least, you need some sessions with a good counselor. It often saddens me when I see people here who feel so societally confined that they feel that they have only two choices in life: be a man or be a woman. The oft ignored reality of humanity is that we all possess degrees of masculinity and femininity. However, for many of us it does require creativity to find ways to balance the two.

I don't call myself a transsexual, but just from years of reading accounts of those who are (and aren't) I would say you need to pause before jumping to any conclusion about this. No one should go through a complete gender transision unless they are so certain they are the other gender that living without doing so is intolerable. You don't do it because you think you'd be pretty. This is very radical stuff we're talking here. Feminine hormones feminize the male body, but they also greatly increase the risks of things like stroke and cancer. Surgery is always risky-- and there is no guarantee the results will be as desired. These risks are worth it for those of us who absolutely feel no choice of life any other way, but not for anyone else.

A common mindset that I see on this board and elsewhere is sort of a gender conservatism. You have to be 100% guy or 100% gal. I say get to know yourself better before drawing conclusions. What do you like about being a woman? What do you dislike? Is there any other way to satisfy those desires? There are other options.

And if you are transsexual and go through a complete "transition", the less often spoken truth is you still will never thus entirely be a "woman". While you may "pass" as a woman, throughout your whole life there will be people who consider you a "man living as a woman". And, of course, people close to you are almost always going to have to know. Your brain may be transgendered. Your Clothes, drugs and surgery can make you look like a woman. But to a doctor you'll always be a male. And, as feminine as you may be, to anyone who fully knows you, you will never be the same as a genetic woman.

I suspect that an ethical psychological screening would not OK you for SRS. I would say that before you start calling yourself a "transsexual" you begin exploring those aspects of femininity that appeal you. Dress up on weekends for a year or two. Or try going out with an androgynous look. Explore all your options before selling the farm and moving to town.

Lyric

I don't really get the OP. I thought that people transition because they need to transition to feel complete and happy with themselves. What's this about being 'beautiful' and 'transitioning ASAP'. People should transition when they know in their heart that they need to and that they know in their head that it is the best option and best outcome. Then they should only transition at a pace that they know it's right for them. I don't think anyone should rush into such a life changing process like transition simply to follow some abstract societal view of 'beauty'.

Word.

Quote from: Lyric on October 16, 2010, 12:58:09 PM
Well, I usually stir up controvery when I express an opinion in this section, but here we go again.

Go back and read your own words, Megan. You're saying things like "If I couldn't pass at all, then no I wouldn't transition". "I am fighting it daily". You're expressing more concern about your appearance than your life.

At the very least, you need some sessions with a good counselor. It often saddens me when I see people here who feel so societally confined that they feel that they have only two choices in life: be a man or be a woman. The oft ignored reality of humanity is that we all possess degrees of masculinity and femininity. However, for many of us it does require creativity to find ways to balance the two.

I don't call myself a transsexual, but just from years of reading accounts of those who are (and aren't) I would say you need to pause before jumping to any conclusion about this. No one should go through a complete gender transision unless they are so certain they are the other gender that living without doing so is intolerable. You don't do it because you think you'd be pretty. This is very radical stuff we're talking here. Feminine hormones feminize the male body, but they also greatly increase the risks of things like stroke and cancer. Surgery is always risky-- and there is no guarantee the results will be as desired. These risks are worth it for those of us who absolutely feel no choice of life any other way, but not for anyone else.

A common mindset that I see on this board and elsewhere is sort of a gender conservatism. You have to be 100% guy or 100% gal. I say get to know yourself better before drawing conclusions. What do you like about being a woman? What do you dislike? Is there any other way to satisfy those desires? There are other options.

And if you are transsexual and go through a complete "transition", the less often spoken truth is you still will never thus entirely be a "woman". While you may "pass" as a woman, throughout your whole life there will be people who consider you a "man living as a woman". And, of course, people close to you are almost always going to have to know. Your brain may be transgendered. Your Clothes, drugs and surgery can make you look like a woman. But to a doctor you'll always be a male. And, as feminine as you may be, to anyone who fully knows you, you will never be the same as a genetic woman.

I suspect that an ethical psychological screening would not OK you for SRS. I would say that before you start calling yourself a "transsexual" you begin exploring those aspects of femininity that appeal you. Dress up on weekends for a year or two. Or try going out with an androgynous look. Explore all your options before selling the farm and moving to town.

Lyric

I cannot define myself at all, but I do not think of myself as a male nor do I relate to terms such as cross dresser, ->-bleeped-<-, or anything like that. It's not wearing a dress that will make me happy, it's the hips and the feminine face.

Still, as a child I remembered me playing with barbies and feminine computer games if I can get my hands on them. Every character I play would be a female character, since it felt more natural to do so.

I am still very hyper aware of what I look like, but its not because I want to be typical slut its more stranger than that. It's because I want to look good to myself, and I want people to realize that I am a person who deserves to be stared upon in awe. I have a grandiose view my life; I have to be someone, I have to be something, I have to create a movement, I have to get myself out there. I am multifaceted person on my looks.

I have more issues than just transsexual's dysphoria... I am lost, I am searching who I am, I am not a typical female if I were to to be a gg anyways, I  am screwed mentally. Yet I am successful, I am not weak but I am not that strong either.  I can blend with people, yet I stand out anyways.

I am whatever I want to be, I am like water, changeable with a thought. I can become anything. And I love who I am, it's just the outside of me does not reflect what I am.

And IF I CANNOT PASS, then people will not treat me like a female, and they will treat me like a MALE. And if I am treated as a  MALE, then how can I even be a transsexual besides a freak to society? How can I be me, if people see me as a guy in a dress? It's not just us, it's the perceptions of ourselves that people see as well. Like I said earlier, I will not waste a bunch of money and time to be doing a losing battle. I need to pass to transition... it's not about beauty as much but being seen as a female. The beauty is my own deal that I battle with as a guy anyways. Beauty is only for financial successes, and my self-esteem boaster.

I won't transition if I cannot pass at the end. No matter if I am happier, since I won't be happier being read as a man in a dress and make up.

I'm somewhere between 6'4 and 6'8, so even if i'm a beautiful goddess someday, I probably won't fully pass.  I'm okay with that.  It would be great to be able to stealth, but I find the idea of spending another 60 years male to be terrifying; if I were so bad at passing that the only work I could find was as the bearded lady at a carnival, that would still be better than living as someone that I'm not for the rest of my life. 

Quote from: Megan on October 16, 2010, 03:16:35 PM
... I  am screwed mentally.

Well, know that you have a choice. You can waste the best years of your life lost in uncertainty and unhappiness or you can get some help with your issues and move on to the fun stuff. Stagnation will only get you older and uglier, kid. I wish you well.

I appreciate the diversity of experience represented by people's post on Susan's. Every transition is different, and there is no one way. It helps me to hear what others face and how they deal. It helps me to know one can be transgendered and not transition all the way, and that is also "valid."

I appreciate your sharing your concerns and struggles. I hope you will continue and not let negative opinions push you away. Expressing yourself will lead to growth and change.

Beauty is an emotional topic. I was depressed the first time I realized that I was fascinated with young attractive women not because I wanted to HAVE them, but because I wanted to BE them - and at 60 I can never be a pretty young woman. I did not realize I feel like a woman inside until now. After all these years of trying to be what it seemed other people expected me to be, I am realizing that I am not happy, no matter how well I am treated, because I am not fully being myself. I am still trying to discover just exactly what "being fully myself" means for me. I have always felt afraid to be myself, fearing mistreatment or worse in an undefined way. But not being myself feels like being almost dead.

I hope you find a path that leads to you feeling as you want - loved. I suspect being beautiful in either gender is not going to do it - but that is my opinion, and it is your life. Only your answers mean anything for your life.

Goddess bless you in your journey. And me in mine.

i agree on megan ideas. we have same ideas in term of pass and be a 100% looks like girl.

but i think, megan why dont u be a cross dresser for a year, then see how society react to u? will they see u like a girl or not. u can see u pass or not from here. if u preety boy enough, u will looks like a girl a bit even u not start HRT yet..

so when u start HRT, u will be more feminine looks.

will i never considered my self beautiful and always complained about the way i look yet i did transition   cause i  felt its the right time to do it ,i get alot of complements and pass easily but still wont consider my self a hottie pie cause its not my purpose im simply transitioning so my outside can match my inside

If you look around at women you will observe that, by the sorts of standards that most transpeople use very few of them actually pass 

I agree therefore with those who say that if your motives are simply to become some sort of beauty queen or something then you motives are a.) unrealistic to the point of almost guaranteed failure and b.) somewhat suspect, as regards whether a psychiatrist would actually accept you for SRS.

My goal in transition was not to become an over perfect idealised trans dream of a woman, but to become an average woman with all the faults and flaws that most women have.

can we have this thread locked please before more of us start posting that Megan needs locking up with Ray Blanchard and Anne Lawrence in a lttle room without mirrors so they can all have Eureka Moments?
Megan's ideas are getting more bizarre and shows a need to step out the door in a dress or make the astounding discovery/invention/performance that will have us all fall on our knees in awestruck worship.

Megan, dear, you're worth far more than yoúr looks. You've bought the fashion industry makeup myths. You want to be the woman on the billboard, that godess with flawless skin and perfect hair and gorgeous clothes, the queen, the one people kneel for. You need to know that you'll have to settle for an ordinary woman. A young lady is more than her appearance. What are your interests, Megan? Go cultivate those.
I know that being physically a guy won't get rid of my Asperger's. It won't make me more smooth socially. It won't make me tall, thin and handsome like Peter Murphy. It won't make me witty like J.G Thirlwell.
What it will do is that it will match my outside with my inside, it will spare me the mirror shocks of expecting a flat chest and seeing curves, of hearing that falsetto voice. It will stop me from being mistaken for a girl.
I'll still be the short, nerdy, awkward person I am today. I won't be pretty, I won't be sexy, but at least I'll be a guy, and that is all I expect.

Megan, please, Be the girl with interests, the charming, sweet girl who knows a great deal about something. Be the cheerful girl who brings light to crowds with her laughter. Be the somehwat nerdy girl who never breaks her word.
You are more than your looks. Far more. Your soul is deeper than the outside shell. Please, realize that your brain is more important than your looks.