Hello, I'm Xak. I got talked into joining this site by a friend of mine. :p

I'm a 19-year-old gay boy from Eastern Tennessee, living in a low-income area under my dad who won't get it out of my head that I'm not straight.

Here comes the drawn-out life story: I'm not entirely sure what I am, really. I started cross-dressing around the age of 15, I had tried on a few dresses before then but my 15th birthday is where it really started. At first I was just all, "Well, I like wearing women's clothes, no biggie."

Well, as time went on and I started to spend more and more time locked up in my room wearing the clothes my close female friends had loaned or given me, I started to feel more comfortable in them at times than my male clothes I'd been wearing all my life. I'd actually occasionally invite my female friends over to do my hair and make up (I was living with my mom at the time and she was never home, so she never knew I was locked up in my room with girls for hours straight) and I decided I wanted to be able to go out like that. But, going out as a girl in a small town in the deep south wherein your dad has built a reputation just didn't seem like a good idea to me.

A few of my friends who I talked to online were transgendered, and I started to wonder if maybe I wasn't exactly a boy. I mean, I know I'm not a woman for reasons I don't rightly know if I should discuss right here, and there are even times I feel right wearing typical men's jeans and a men's T-shirt, but even then I like to wear a little bit of eyeliner and nail polish. I had thought about hormone treatment to make myself more feminine, but then I felt it would be insulting to my transsexual friends because I only wanted to go "part-way".

In short, I don't know what I am. Sometimes I'm fine with being a guy, sometimes I wish I looked like a girl, but I never want to actually be a girl, but I just feel like this is more than I just like to wear women's clothes now and then.

So yeah, long story short, I sometimes want to look like a girl but sometimes I don't, and I'm hoping this place will help me sort things out. ^^;

Also, not sure how much of a problem this will be, but as I said I live in a low-income area, so my chances to get online nowadays are few and far between.

Hi Xakkun

Welcome to Susans.
Have a look round the forums whenever you can and you'll pretty soon identify yourself as something or other.

Xakkun, Welcome my sister!

Hi Xak,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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First thing is I would contact the Local GLBT organization and see if there are any low-cost/free gender therapist.  That would be good so that you can look over your own gender issues.  We are not therapists , but we can help you ask yourself the questions that might get you some answers.

Hugs and Love,
Janet

welcome aboard
You should go take a look at the cross dressers forum and the androgyne forum.
You are young, you have some time to figure this out.
Like already stated we are not therapists.
But we do suport eachother rather well.

Thank you all so much! I'm still kinda nervous though XD;

Xax very much welcome here, and no worries this is an awesome place, loads of support and loads of information here. Make yourself home. Great to see you here!

Hey, Xak!

Welcome!

First, I know what you mean about living in the Deep South and your dad's reputation and all.  I lived in Florida for a long time, so I understand exactly what you mean.  The good news is that there are plenty of people in the south, some of them right here on this forum, who have come out successfully and happily.  It can be done.

Second, the others are quite right.  None of us are therapists here; however, these people here at Susan's Place are very smart, very accepting and very informed.  You can be yourself here, and we're totally cool with that.

Third, my own opinion is that you may, indeed, have some trans issues going on, but I'm no gender counselor.  If you are low-income, there ARE gender therapists you can see through funded agencies.  Maybe you would do well to check one out and sort through your issues. 

You're welcome here anytime.