Okay, so last weekend was my uncle's birthday party. I don't know how the rest of the family feels about trans people, but a friend of the family during a random conversation referred to us as "->-bleeped-<-s" (long story). I'm not sure if that means something, and if I should be offended by it. I often feel like a boy stuck in a girl's body. No one has a clue about me yet though. I'm not sure if they ever will because I've considered to stop talking to that side of the family after I transition. Anyways, I think I might have heard a hint of hatred when the friend of the family said the word "->-bleeped-<-". I could hear it in his voice. Or maybe I was imagining things. Is this something I should worry about? I know my main family (sister and dad) would probably support me. Well actually, sister for sure, but I'm not too sure about dad. I know his girlfriend supports trans people though so I could always go and live with her if my family ever kicked me out I suppose. So anyways, is this something I should worry about? The whole "->-bleeped-<-" thing? This friend can be a bit rude in general so I really don't know how the rest of the family would feel about it. Advice...? 

->-bleeped-<- is usually a derogatory slur used by people in a hateful way to refer to us. I use it all the time as a joke as do my trans friends but I don't think I've ever heard it used by a non trans person in a good or joking way. I figure you probably weren't imagining things considering that but it's possible.

There really isn't much you can do on the basis of overheard conversation without looking silly.

All they have to do is deny it, and claim you misheard, and at once you look paranoid.

At one family wedding years ago I heard one woman, an old family friend, loudly referring to me as "IT" I just let it slip and ultimately she was the one who ended up looking silly and small minded.

Such slurs are never worthy of a response unless made to your face - in which case you can then put him or her straight that this is not an acceptable way to address you.

We will always get a silly response from those who are hollow people. Remember that you are strong and each insult makes you stronger. Such words hurt the hollow people more than they hurt us, we know who and what we are. They don't know what they are.

Hugs

Cindy

If I can suggest, unless a derogatory verbal term is directed at you, specifically, then the best thing to do is ignore it.

I've noticed that many people habitually use terms they know irk others, not because they have any specific annomosity, but because they know it will get a reaction.

Personally, I dislike any lables. I am me.

Some people use slurs out of ignorance.  They don't know anyone the label might apply to and perhaps think it is funny.  I see it as a form of us/them.  It may be an indication of how they will react to your coming out, but then again they may change their attitude when they find one of their family is TS (or TG) - the label no longer applies to 'them' but now applies to one of 'us'.

- Kate

Many people just don't know the propper terminology or may just be lazy in their speech. I'm sure that a lot of people that don't have any connections to anyone TG would even realize that "->-bleeped-<-" is considered a derogetory term.  I grew up in the deep south and the "N word" was used so commonly that it was just commonly used to refer to black people and not even in a hateful way.  I didn't realize until I was older and moved out of the area that is was considered by most to be a terribly insulting slur and I never used the word again.

I have heard my mom talk very negatively about an extended family member of an ex inlaw that was trans. She is a lesbian even and had a very ugly outlook on the poor girl and I just cringed to hear her talk like that.  My mom has always been very open minded about such things so I was kinda surprised but I didn't say anything at the time.  I honestly do think that if I came out to my mom that she would accept me for who I am and she would have to re-evaluate any views she had about it. 

I have no plans on telling her for now as she is a compulsive worrier and would stress out wondering what I may do and how it will affect her and her relationship with my wife and children. It would upset her alot just from worrying but it wouldn't change our relationship. Ironically, she always said that she had wanted me to be a girl and that she used to dress me in baby girl cloths ...lol.

My dad uses "->-bleeped-<-" occasionally, but he doesn't use it in a mean way.  Normally when he does it, it's a joke and he's just goofing around--any slurs he uses are always in a joking way and not meant meanly, and he'll apologize if he accidentally offends someone.

Anyway, I echo that if it was overheard to just let it go because you might come as paranoid or you might have misunderstood the context it what it was being said.

Some people are just a little afraid of the unknown so they joke about it or make fun of it. Then again, some people just don't know better...as in they might not get that a transsexual isn't exactly a way to refer to someone. They think of it in terms of, "He, she, gay, lesbian, ->-bleeped-<-, transsexual" when really it's just "He or she". Well, not just he or she...there was another word but I forgot it...

Anywho, if they do mention it again around you, you have the right to calmly confront them about it. Though if you do choose to, try to do it outside of the public eye so you don't run into any problems.

Thanks guys, I think this clears up a lot of things for me.

That word doesn't really bother me actually.   I think it's because I didn't even know it was intended as an insult when I first started hearing it so I just shrugged it off.  ->-bleeped-<-got, ->-bleeped-<- or queer when used in a negative way bother me a lot more because I have had those two directed cruelly at my head.  However I see people on this very board using them all of the time.  It makes me cringe every time  they are used even casually or playfully. 

However I don't call them out on that because I really do believe words only have the power that we give them.  If you are not insulted by '->-bleeped-<-' then I don't see any reason to start being so.