Remember that interview I told you about ? It went well ; I think I have a decent chance of being hired. But there's a bug. A big one.

The interviewer told me I had to cut my hair. Not just tidy it out a bit. No, something like, maximum three centimeters. I used the hypocrite smile mode to tell her I did mind it but would do it if needed, but I don't think I can. In fact, I'm pretty sure I would hurt myself less if I cut off a finger instead. I've been growing it out for too long and this is too important for me.

I asked if I could just shorten the fringe and clear my face but they were categorical that I need a clean cut with very short hair.

But this is a good job : a receptionnist in a four-star (yeah, I said five, but it appears they lost one in the last few years) hotel, the best in the region. And it's paid well too. Not even the minimum salary, which is incredibly rare for a job you can get at my age. It interests me, too. Such a good job opportunity will probably never go by again.

If possible, I would want the job and the hair, but if I have to choose, it's definitely the hair, even if I must remain poor.

Do you think I have a chance of getting them to go back on what they asked if I tell them I'm transsexual ?

And is what they're doing even legal ? I mean, my hair isn't dirty and I don't wear rastas ; it's just long, and not long enough. I mean, it's totally sexism to force males (and females with the wrong parts for that matter) but not females to cut their hair. They would have never, ever thought of telling me this if I were wearing a skirt.

What can I do ? Should I just drop this job ?

They have a right to hire people that present a good image for their company.

Ask yourself if the handsome salary will help you get closer to your end goal (I'm assuming is a full transition)...If yes then you may need to get a haircut...If not then ditch it and find a new job.

 i had long hair before when I was in a metal band, and some places I applied to asked me to cut my hair, I just walked out. all these places had girls working there with longer hair than me. In my opinion if a companys looking for people to "work" then they shouldn't be looking at hair length and appearance they should be looking at work ethic, personality, experience etc. most places now are just looking for freakin robotic model manicans. If the companys not gonna value you for your qualifications, experience, qualities and personality then I'd just say screw it and find somewhere to work that you are valued for being you and not for having short hair.

The legality depends on your local laws. I don't know Quebec law - you could contact a lawyer and see if they can give you a quick answer.

If it is legal for them to require this, and if you won't cut your hair for the job, then I suppose you have nothing to lose by telling them you're transsexual. Either they say "oh, well, that changes everything, you just have to abide by the female dress code" or they say "no, sorry, we can't accommodate you" but if it's the latter, you're still no worse off than you would have been if you hadn't tried.

Your only option now would be to tell them straight that you are a transitioning MtF transsexual and therefore need to grow your hair out in preparation for your transition. Sadly as a result you probably won't now get the job, because they will feel that this information is a material change to the circumstances of your application, but then again as you won't cut the hair you have absolutely nothing to lose by being honest.

This sort of thing is why it is always easier either to either transition in an existing job, or failing that to apply and go to any interview in your target gender from day one. Either way such questions don't arise, or if they do you will at least be on the right side of them.

In 1983 shortly after I first transitioned I was sent home to change into something more suitable when I turned up for work wearing trousers. The company I worked for at the time had a strict policy that female employees must wear skirts or dresses. It amused me somewhat under the circumstances... 

When I took the job I have now I wore my hair short. Since coming to grips with Gender disphoria I have begun to wear it long but always styled and well kept. For a while I really had no clue how to make it look good and was told by my supervisor I would have to cut it short again. I have no intention of cutting it short ever again!!! For months after that I slicked it back with styling gel and wore it in a ponytail. After a while I got it styled and have learned to set it provided I don't ride my motorcycle to work which ruins the look-so on those days I just brush it back and wear a hat if it looks bad. Only the senior vice president (my boss's supervisor) who is on my side has said anything about it since! The companies have a right to want their employees to look clean, well groomed, & tidy. If you feel strongly about your immediate presentation just don't cut it. If you can live with it short for awhile take the job then get it cut. It really boils down to how badly you want to make your wages with this company. There are many girls here who wear wigs to achieve the look they want and I have seriously thought about it too. But I'm cheap and won't spend the money for one till I have to. I know this post won't help you much but I also feel very strongly about my hair being cut & I am very cautious about who I tell I am trans mtf.
Randi

In your position, I would cut my hair.

Lots of really pretty girls have short hair.

If you don't have a decent job you're never going to save up enough for what you need.

If you tell them, at this stage, you're transgendered, they will porbably hire someone else.

But a couple of years in this job, saving every penny, and you will have a nice little nest egg.

Once you're in there and established, you may be able to tell them about your transgender.

That would be my thinking, at least.

I don't think many girls who are not punk/rebels/have cancer/had chewing gum in their hair wear it one friggin' inch long...

And note my hair is "long", but nothing actually long. I can't even tie it. Less than 10 cm/3 inches in most places. And it's pretty tidy too - my whole face was clear for the interview and I was ripped of 25$ to get it styled (not cut) for it...

So I really don't understand why it is "not a clean presentation". I style it like many females who have similar lenghts anyway. If you ask me, it's just plain sexism.

I agree with Sapatial.
But. Hired for the front desk, YOU are the embassidore (spelling?) for the company and every one behind you. First impressions after all....

Hair grows back and unless your ready to transition, the job is a paycheck and experience.
Once in there and well established, money in a sock under the bed (not really but), a path to transition can be created. Facial hair can be removed, hormones started etc.

Main thing is, you have a paycheck....

Quote from: spacial on November 08, 2010, 06:26:11 PM
In your position, I would cut my hair.

Lots of really pretty girls have short hair.

If you don't have a decent job you're never going to save up enough for what you need.

If you tell them, at this stage, you're transgendered, they will porbably hire someone else.

But a couple of years in this job, saving every penny, and you will have a nice little nest egg.

Once you're in there and established, you may be able to tell them about your transgender.

That would be my thinking, at least.

I went this route.  I started growing my hair out after a couple years.  It really paid off, because I now have enough money for both FFS and SRS.

It's not fun, but it can put you in a very good place in a couple years if you are able to tough it out.

HARD choice. I would be just as conflicted as you are right now. Need the job, desperately want the hair. I hate the double standards that we are forced to live by. I have long hair; it's always clean, it's always neat. Why would I not be allowed to keep it long? Females can have both long hair and short hair, why can't males?

I can't really help you with your dilemma. Because I am very biased towards keeping the hair, even though I know it's the wrong choice. It's petty of me, but I would probably have a break down if I had to take such a big step backwards in my transition. It took me years to get it to where it is, I'd rather not lose it.

Here's a poorly thought out plan:

1.   Get employed now
2a. Send your MP a letter asking them to support Bill C-389 (In the committee that reviewed the bill, the vote was 9-2 for the bill. The committee was made up of 5 Conservatives, 3 Liberals, 2 Bloc Québécois, and 1 NDP MP.)
2b. Wait for Bill C-389 to pass the House of Commons, the Senate and receive royal assent
3.   Come out to your employer

This is probably overly simplistic, and with very many flaws. A good and easy letter to send to your MP: http://billc389.wordpress.com/english/take-action/

Flaw one : It does not protect me from the devilish scissors.

It's not worth finding new flaws, I'm sorry. But thank you for informing me about this bill I did not know about.

My decision is made : I will definitely not cut my hair ; I don't think I could psychologically stand it anyway. And there just has to be another job for me out there.

Now the dilemma is : should I try coming out to the hotel manager or do I risk too much by doing so ? Is it actually worth having more people know ? Would my chances actually increase ?

Well if you don't intend to cut your hair, and it is requirement. You seem to have nothing to lose by telling your manager, and he/she might let you keep it. You could also try getting a note for your therapist/counselor/psychiatrist, backing you up.

Of course my 'plan' is flawed beyond all belief, and by no means would I ever go by this 'plan'. More power to you if you don't cut your hair. I'm definitely going to think for a while about your questions, and I hope to form a realistic opinion on them tomorrow when I'm mentally all here. While I was growing my hair out (check the most awkward looking photo in my latest post in the 'Just for Us' photo sharing thread), I caught quite a lot of flak from my parents, my siblings and some friends about my dreadful looking hair. Now I straighten my hair, put it in a pony tail, and use a hair clip on each side to restrain what is not long enough to put into a pony tail.

I'm no lawyer but if I were applying to a job (in the male gender role) and they told me I had to have short hair yet women were allowed to have short hair, I'd mention to them that the company dress code is not equitable for both genders and will be filing a gender discrimination complaint/suit. I'd bet they'd suddenly listen (or if not then file it). There is a double standard that is clearly discrimination and should not be tolerated. If a woman can have short hair, then a man can have long hair. If a man cannot paint his fingernails, then women can't choose not to have them painted. If a man can't wear a dress, then a woman can't wear pants. You see what I'm getting at here? I don't have a problem with companies having gender-based dress codes as long as it is equal to both sides. Again, if nobody would have a problem with a woman keeping her hair short and other women can have it long, there is no reason a man can't choose to have his hair short or long. Anything less is gender discrimination plain and simple. Good luck.

Quote from: SamanthaFLA on November 08, 2010, 09:34:27 PM
Well if you don't intend to cut your hair, and it is requirement. You seem to have nothing to lose by telling your manager, and he/she might let you keep it. You could also try getting a note for your therapist/counselor/psychiatrist, backing you up.

That would be my thinking as well Tell then why you can't cut your hair.

The worst that can happen is you don't get the job.

The best, though admittedly highly unlikely, is they hire you as female.

I have a feeling they will appreciate the honesty.

Well, I don't really intend to be hired as female. I'd sure love it, but I still have a male name, no hormones, not a single piece of women's clothes... Plus if I work there, I will be working with people I know - friends of my sister - and I'm not sure I trust them enough to let them into the "secret". When I go out as a woman, I will go all-out. I don't want to feel like I'm crossdressing, and I cannot truly feel feminine with arm and facial hair that you see even when shaved, fake breasts, etc.

The best would actually be if they hired me without harrassing me about my hair. But then they would be "unfair", and employees who were forced to have their cut would be angry and wonder why I can have my hair and not them, and then I would eventually have to tell them.

Here's what I will do : if they call me back for the job, I will tell them on the phone that my hair is too important for me and that I just cannot cut it. If they say "okay, bye" so be it. If they ask why, depending on how much I feel I can trust them, I'll say it's highly personal and I don't want them telling anyone, ever, and tell them I'm transsexual... But how the heck can I "feel I can trust" someone over the phone ..?

No, in fact, I'll tell them my hair is very important to me and that I cannot cut it, all short. If, by some miracle, they say "well if it really is important, I guess it's okay if you keep it very clean and styled", cool. If not, then I'll just continue my search, beginning with the other hotels. To these I will honestly say from the start that I cannot cut my hair. I mean, this hotel was the very first application I sent - it must be that my résumé looks good.

I cannot help but think someone, somewhere, will hire me AND my hair ! Heck, I don't have untidy-looking rastas with stuff in them or metal group singer hair that hides all of my face !

Quote from: A on November 09, 2010, 07:11:53 AM
I don't want to feel like I'm crossdressing,

Isn't that exactly what you're doing, really? Your real conflict here seems to be from the personal agony of trying to impersonate a man, which you are not, even if your body has male characteristics. In your situation "fake breasts" and so forth would merely be presenting yourself more honestly. Your problem seems to be that you're crossdressing now. This whole conflict seems to me to be a matter of you dealing with your own inner conflicts regarding your GID. I think you need to do some more introspection and decide what you really want.

While it's true that many TS folks continue to present themselves publicly until they've been on HRT awhile, there are substantial benefits from experiencing being a woman before that. I would think the idea of committing yourself to years on a job pretending to be a man must be pretty depressing. Many others have done what you're avoiding and been much happier as a result.

Quote from: A on November 09, 2010, 07:11:53 AM
Well, I don't really intend to be hired as female. I'd sure love it, but I still have a male name, no hormones, not a single piece of women's clothes... Plus if I work there, I will be working with people I know - friends of my sister - and I'm not sure I trust them enough to let them into the "secret". When I go out as a woman, I will go all-out. I don't want to feel like I'm crossdressing, and I cannot truly feel feminine with arm and facial hair that you see even when shaved, fake breasts, etc.

The best would actually be if they hired me without harrassing me about my hair. But then they would be "unfair", and employees who were forced to have their cut would be angry and wonder why I can have my hair and not them, and then I would eventually have to tell them.

Here's what I will do : if they call me back for the job, I will tell them on the phone that my hair is too important for me and that I just cannot cut it. If they say "okay, bye" so be it. If they ask why, depending on how much I feel I can trust them, I'll say it's highly personal and I don't want them telling anyone, ever, and tell them I'm transsexual... But how the heck can I "feel I can trust" someone over the phone ..?

No, in fact, I'll tell them my hair is very important to me and that I cannot cut it, all short. If, by some miracle, they say "well if it really is important, I guess it's okay if you keep it very clean and styled", cool. If not, then I'll just continue my search, beginning with the other hotels. To these I will honestly say from the start that I cannot cut my hair. I mean, this hotel was the very first application I sent - it must be that my résumé looks good.

I cannot help but think someone, somewhere, will hire me AND my hair ! Heck, I don't have untidy-looking rastas with stuff in them or metal group singer hair that hides all of my face !

With respect, since you are going to do that, I will strongly suggest you tell them you are transsexual, but still in your early stages.

Firstly because it's the truth.

Secondly, because trying to be enegmatic makes to appear arrogant.

Thirdly, you are going to have to come out to someone eventually, why not now? What's the worst that can happen?