I saw dr S today. I'm kind of disappointed... The CPATH says only informed consent is necessary for HRT, but my physician says she cannot do anything and only dr L, the semi-specialist, can do anything about prescribing it. But I should have expected it... Anyway, at least she didn't refuse because I didn't convince her of my situation or anything.

So, basically, I have to continue looking for a job, then work at that job, and then start school (basically get to January 25th), without HRT... But I'm afraid I might break down and start losing my time on the computer 24/7 again at some point if I can't stand it anymore...

I do NOT want this to happen, because 1. I'm tired of it, and 2. it will slow the process. And I do expect to have to convince dr L - he is very thickheaded.

So here I am, asking for tips to get there safely.

1. How do you fight arousal that hurts [psychologically] ? Just masturbating it off actually makes it worse (not a common statement, but orgasms feel the worst)... And I don't even get aroused over anything. It's just, you know, hormones and erectile tissue.

2. Do you know of anything I could do to make myself feel better that does not involve endangering stealth ?

3. Not really related, but... Do you have tips on reducing appetite ?

Just a general tip, make a goal for yourself that will help you on your way and work towards that goal. If you work at your goal, it makes waiting easier because you're moving forward. If the goal is big, break it into smaller piece so it's less daunting.

Does your doctor not know about informed consent?  Or do they need someone else to tell them they can give you an anti-androgen.

The may be other things but you would need to see an herbalist or a Naturopathy.

Quote from: Kaelleria on November 09, 2010, 07:48:48 PM
Just a general tip, make a goal for yourself that will help you on your way and work towards that goal. If you work at your goal, it makes waiting easier because you're moving forward. If the goal is big, break it into smaller piece so it's less daunting.

Ditto.
And there are many things involved in transition that you can do now while you're waiting for your HRT and surgery letters.
Things you can start on while waiting if you haven't already:

• get a head start on electrolysis
• start working on your voice. You could get a coach or buy a program, or just start on your own singing along with female singers
• build your wardrobe
• learn how to do makeup and hair, skin care, nails, etc. if that's important to you
• get used to shaving legs
• just observe other women and get ideas on how you might like to dress, groom, etc.
• decide on your new name if you haven't already
• and there's probably more the other women here will know about

Basically, if you work on the transition things you can do now, you'll feel better knowing you're moving forward.

if you have a creative side? tap into it. express yourself through music, art learn something that will help you when you get older.Things that will be valuable to other people. learn new skills get better at what you like etc. be carefree when you can. try not to stress things WILL happen, hang in there! enjoy! I know easier said than done when you want it now.

Quote from: Nero on November 09, 2010, 09:51:32 PM
Ditto.
And there are many things involved in transition that you can do now while you're waiting for your HRT and surgery letters.
Things you can start on while waiting if you haven't already:

• get a head start on electrolysis

I'll need a job for that. But hey, I'm working on it ! But I heard somewhere electrolysis was, like, much more efficient when started during HRT. Did I hallucinate that ?

• start working on your voice. You could get a coach or buy a program, or just start on your own singing along with female singers

I've been singing and solo-practicing since I entered puberty, and I guess I'm about as good as I can get on my own, but I'm still not happy with my voice as it is (passable, but uncontrollably masculinizes in some situations). I will eventually seek help on that, but how ? Who should I try to see ? An orthophonist, a singing teacher, who ?

• build your wardrobe

Is it really wise ? I mean, while my mom and sister have big breasts, I cannot possibly know how mine will look. And I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable shopping for clothes with my current body...

• learn how to do makeup and hair, skin care, nails, etc. if that's important to you

Oh, hey. I've been wanting to ask that, too ! How the heck do you learn such things, about hair, make-up, clothes, etc. ?

• get used to shaving legs

I've a question here, too. Is it okay to do this with my face treadmill razor ?

• just observe other women and get ideas on how you might like to dress, groom, etc.

Ew, I'll need help here, too. It's easy to find something looks good on other people, but "would I wear this ?" is a question I could never answer easily, haha.

• decide on your new name if you haven't already

*raises hand*That is done, sir !

• and there's probably more the other women here will know about

Instruct me !
[/list]

Basically, if you work on the transition things you can do now, you'll feel better knowing you're moving forward.

EDIT

Janet Lynn : I forgot to answer you. Apparently, while the laws permit them to prescribe such products, it is "commonly accepted" that the local specialist needs to do it.

And there are many things involved in transition that you can do now while you're waiting for your HRT and surgery letters.
Things you can start on while waiting if you haven't already:

get a head start on electrolysis
I'll need a job for that. But hey, I'm working on it ! But I heard somewhere electrolysis was, like, much more efficient when started during HRT. Did I hallucinate that ?
It can be, but also your pain level changes so you may be more sensitive to pain.

start working on your voice. You could get a coach or buy a program, or just start on your own singing along with female singers
I've been singing and solo-practicing since I entered puberty, and I guess I'm about as good as I can get on my own, but I'm still not happy with my voice as it is (passable, but uncontrollably masculinizes in some situations). I will eventually seek help on that, but how ? Who should I try to see ? An orthophonist, a singing teacher, who ?
Kathe Perez     YouTube

build your wardrobe
Is it really wise ? I mean, while my mom and sister have big breasts, I cannot possibly know how mine will look. And I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable shopping for clothes with my current body...
Begin now bearing in mind that not all Transwomen will be the same as their female relatives.  You might just want stay around a B cup

learn how to do makeup and hair, skin care, nails, etc. if that's important to you
Oh, hey. I've been wanting to ask that, too ! How the heck do you learn such things, about hair, make-up, clothes, etc. ?
Beauty Magazines and YouTube videos

get used to shaving legs
I've a question here, too. Is it okay to do this with my face treadmill razor ?
Not sure what you mean, but I use a woman's triple blade for close shaves.  and I eplilate.

just observe other women and get ideas on how you might like to dress, groom, etc.
Ew, I'll need help here, too. It's easy to find something looks good on other people, but "would I wear this ?" is a question I could never answer easily, haha.
What I do is observe women my age and see what they mat be wearing and then I try to duplicate it.  If it does not work for me, I drop it.

decide on your new name if you haven't already
*raises hand*That is done, sir !


and there's probably more the other women here will know about
Instruct me !
One thing that I do is let the inner girl loose.  We have been training all of our lives just like any other girl has.we have watched our mother, sisters, aunts and cousins.  We just never had a chance to practice.

Ha, Janet is totally on my same wavelength!  I'm going to say a lot of similar things, but I spent the time to type this, so might as well post it anyway I guess.

I'm not organized enough to make neat bullet points like Nero did, his list is good though...

I would just suggest also focusing on the mental changes.  I believe it's best to transition from the inside out, otherwise you risk having a superficial transition.  Don't underestimate the power of the mind.  I really honestly believe that you'll find you gain more happiness from the transition between your ears than anything externally.  External beauty after all, even if you're a supermodel, is a fleeting thing and it's superficial in every sense of the word.  In my experience, superficial things never bring true happiness or peace.

The body is really just a shell.  You can work on it later, for now think about the things that women DO and the things they enjoy and the things they like to talk about.  Work on getting your head in that space, because... you're going there, might as well be prepared.  Also, hair, makeup, clothes.  Outfits-- learn how to put them together, find your style.

This is the important part-

Think about what kind of a woman you want to become, meaning who do you want to be?  Most young people should think about this, transitioning or not, imo.  Think of what you think makes a respectable woman.  Think of women you look up to, what is it about them specifically that you admire?  Find role models.

Look at yourself now and find anything that is not in harmony with the person you want to become and work on making adjustments.

Knowing where you're going is such a big part of getting there.  You'll have such a head-start if you can can figure some of these things out.

About electrolysis, start as soon as you can.  The benefit of being on hormones is negligible in my experience, and honestly it hurts A LOT more once you are on HRT.  I think you must grow 1000% more nerve endings or something.

Voicewise, it can take a loooong time, depending.  Might as well start now, there's nothing stopping you .

And there are many things involved in transition that you can do now while you're waiting for your HRT and surgery letters.
Things you can start on while waiting if you haven't already:

get a head start on electrolysis
I'll need a job for that. But hey, I'm working on it ! But I heard somewhere electrolysis was, like, much more efficient when started during HRT. Did I hallucinate that ?
It can be, but also your pain level changes so you may be more sensitive to pain.
Try laser first, it's cheaper and can clear larger areas quicker, then electrolysis after

start working on your voice. You could get a coach or buy a program, or just start on your own singing along with female singers
I've been singing and solo-practicing since I entered puberty, and I guess I'm about as good as I can get on my own, but I'm still not happy with my voice as it is (passable, but uncontrollably masculinizes in some situations). I will eventually seek help on that, but how ? Who should I try to see ? An orthophonist, a singing teacher, who ?
Kathe Perez     YouTube
Ditto

build your wardrobe
Is it really wise ? I mean, while my mom and sister have big breasts, I cannot possibly know how mine will look. And I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable shopping for clothes with my current body...
Begin now bearing in mind that not all Transwomen will be the same as their female relatives.  You might just want stay around a B cup
The usual estimate is half the size of Mum and Sister, getting over the shyness is 100% of the battle

learn how to do makeup and hair, skin care, nails, etc. if that's important to you
Oh, hey. I've been wanting to ask that, too ! How the heck do you learn such things, about hair, make-up, clothes, etc. ?
Beauty Magazines and YouTube videos
Practice, practice, practice and what Janet said, Woman are not born with' how to apply make up genes' . If you notice they read lots of magazines, which are a good read too.

get used to shaving legs
I've a question here, too. Is it okay to do this with my face treadmill razor ?
Not sure what you mean, but I use a woman's triple blade for close shaves.  and I eplilate.
Go the supermarket and buy a female razor, I like Venus and  Intuition, there are lots check them out. Get into a beauty regime, shaving legs every 2 days, when to do the pits, do you want to go Brazilian, or at least shaved pubes? etc remember to use moisturizer, what nights do you do a pedicure and manicure,  there is a good section in WikiHow for being a feminine 'male' [not my choice of title BTW

just observe other women and get ideas on how you might like to dress, groom, etc.
Ew, I'll need help here, too. It's easy to find something looks good on other people, but "would I wear this ?" is a question I could never answer easily, haha.
What I do is observe women my age and see what they mat be wearing and then I try to duplicate it.  If it does not work for me, I drop it.
Women dress for women, not for men. We check each other out continually for styles that suit or shape etc . That is why a 'new look' spreads so quickly, and why it disappears just as quickly.

decide on your new name if you haven't already
*raises hand*That is done, sir !

Practice walking. Practice walking in heels, practice sitting, practice getting into a car wearing a skirt. Practice arm movements, practice facial expressions
Get your ears pierced, pluck eyebrows, start a 'glory' box for jewelry etc. Wear [clear] lip gloss and get used to applying it. Get yourself a feminine wallet and use it [BTW I use a 'female' wallet all the time they are SOOO much better than boy wallets] 
It is not compulsory but woman are often more out going than guys, so chat with the supermarket staff about the small things etc. Be publicly recognized as 'not one of the boys'.  I am. Even in boy mode I'm treated as one of the girls by both male and female staff. Love it

This may sound sexist but it is not meant to be.
Gert used to doing 'female' things. And I mean body image and care etc.

Cindy

bye

...Many replies ! I'll try answering each point.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 09, 2010, 11:13:00 PM
And there are many things involved in transition that you can do now while you're waiting for your HRT and surgery letters.
Things you can start on while waiting if you haven't already:

get a head start on electrolysis
I'll need a job for that. But hey, I'm working on it ! But I heard somewhere electrolysis was, like, much more efficient when started during HRT. Did I hallucinate that ?
It can be, but also your pain level changes so you may be more sensitive to pain.
I don't fear pain. Actually, if it 's pain that relieves me of that beard that has hurt for so many years, I'll be happy to endure it. But anyway. I understand starting electro soon will be a good idea. As soon as my income is decent I'll take an appointment.

start working on your voice. You could get a coach or buy a program, or just start on your own singing along with female singers
I've been singing and solo-practicing since I entered puberty, and I guess I'm about as good as I can get on my own, but I'm still not happy with my voice as it is (passable, but uncontrollably masculinizes in some situations). I will eventually seek help on that, but how ? Who should I try to see ? An orthophonist, a singing teacher, who ?
Kathe Perez     YouTube
Uhm, exceptionalvoice.com is American ; too far. But I will look into those videos, thanks !

build your wardrobe
Is it really wise ? I mean, while my mom and sister have big breasts, I cannot possibly know how mine will look. And I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable shopping for clothes with my current body...
Begin now bearing in mind that not all Transwomen will be the same as their female relatives.  You might just want stay around a B cup
This does not change the fact that I cannot possibly plan my breast, hip, butt, whatever, size, so shopping for clothes that won't fit later anyway may not be a good idea.

learn how to do makeup and hair, skin care, nails, etc. if that's important to you
Oh, hey. I've been wanting to ask that, too ! How the heck do you learn such things, about hair, make-up, clothes, etc. ?
Beauty Magazines and YouTube videos
Oh yeah ! When I have some money loose, maybe I'll buy one of those books/DVD programs Andrea James suggests.

get used to shaving legs
I've a question here, too. Is it okay to do this with my face treadmill razor ?
Not sure what you mean, but I use a woman's triple blade for close shaves.  and I eplilate.
I am talking about using the razor I already use for my face on my legs.

just observe other women and get ideas on how you might like to dress, groom, etc.
Ew, I'll need help here, too. It's easy to find something looks good on other people, but "would I wear this ?" is a question I could never answer easily, haha.
What I do is observe women my age and see what they mat be wearing and then I try to duplicate it.  If it does not work for me, I drop it.
Actually, the best would be a private shopping session with a comprehensive assistant, haha ! (Who said I'm dreaming too much ? D:

decide on your new name if you haven't already
*raises hand*That is done, sir !


and there's probably more the other women here will know about
Instruct me !
One thing that I do is let the inner girl loose.  We have been training all of our lives just like any other girl has.we have watched our mother, sisters, aunts and cousins.  We just never had a chance to practice.
I THINK I'm okay with most of the moves, maybe. I've been doing them for years, but I've never had actual coaching or anything akin. When I'm ready to go out, maybe I'll unfairly use my co-tenant~.

Quote from: Jen on November 09, 2010, 11:57:04 PM
Ha, Janet is totally on my same wavelength!  I'm going to say a lot of similar things, but I spent the time to type this, so might as well post it anyway I guess.

I'm not organized enough to make neat bullet points like Nero did, his list is good though...

I would just suggest also focusing on the mental changes.  I believe it's best to transition from the inside out, otherwise you risk having a superficial transition.  Don't underestimate the power of the mind.  I really honestly believe that you'll find you gain more happiness from the transition between your ears than anything externally.  External beauty after all, even if you're a supermodel, is a fleeting thing and it's superficial in every sense of the word.  In my experience, superficial things never bring true happiness or peace.
I totally agree. I've been working on that, too ! But now I'm really, really starting to want those HRT psychological effects badly.

The body is really just a shell.  You can work on it later, for now think about the things that women DO and the things they enjoy and the things they like to talk about.  Work on getting your head in that space, because... you're going there, might as well be prepared.  Also, hair, makeup, clothes.  Outfits-- learn how to put them together, find your style.
I guess work and school will help here, because I was never the type to just go and talk to people... I'll need them near me to actually socialize !

This is the important part-

Think about what kind of a woman you want to become, meaning who do you want to be?  Most young people should think about this, transitioning or not, imo.  Think of what you think makes a respectable woman.  Think of women you look up to, what is it about them specifically that you admire?  Find role models.
Is "being myself" not enough of a goal ?

Look at yourself now and find anything that is not in harmony with the person you want to become and work on making adjustments.
Good point. I've been working on that, too, but I think psychotherapy will help much. Hopefully the social service centre calls me soon. It can take, like, 0 to 9 months --', and I definitely cannot afford my old 70$-an-hour psychologist, even though she was not doing a bad job.

Knowing where you're going is such a big part of getting there.  You'll have such a head-start if you can can figure some of these things out.
I have a "life plan" ready, but I'll admit my plan is vague. I was thinking on starting school here as a male, start HRT, then move out and start as a female somewhere else when I feel ready to do so.

About electrolysis, start as soon as you can.  The benefit of being on hormones is negligible in my experience, and honestly it hurts A LOT more once you are on HRT.  I think you must grow 1000% more nerve endings or something.
Understood ; I will as soon as my budget permits it ! (Oh, on average, how much is it per hour, again ?)

Voicewise, it can take a loooong time, depending.  Might as well start now, there's nothing stopping you .

Quote from: CindyJames on November 10, 2010, 01:46:20 AM
And there are many things involved in transition that you can do now while you're waiting for your HRT and surgery letters.
Things you can start on while waiting if you haven't already:

get a head start on electrolysis
I'll need a job for that. But hey, I'm working on it ! But I heard somewhere electrolysis was, like, much more efficient when started during HRT. Did I hallucinate that ?
It can be, but also your pain level changes so you may be more sensitive to pain.
Try laser first, it's cheaper and can clear larger areas quicker, then electrolysis after
I would like to, but I'm blonde. It would not work, really.

start working on your voice. You could get a coach or buy a program, or just start on your own singing along with female singers
I've been singing and solo-practicing since I entered puberty, and I guess I'm about as good as I can get on my own, but I'm still not happy with my voice as it is (passable, but uncontrollably masculinizes in some situations). I will eventually seek help on that, but how ? Who should I try to see ? An orthophonist, a singing teacher, who ?
Kathe Perez     YouTube
Ditto
Same as what I answered Janet.

build your wardrobe
Is it really wise ? I mean, while my mom and sister have big breasts, I cannot possibly know how mine will look. And I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable shopping for clothes with my current body...
Begin now bearing in mind that not all Transwomen will be the same as their female relatives.  You might just want stay around a B cup
The usual estimate is half the size of Mum and Sister, getting over the shyness is 100% of the battle
I still cannot plan on that exact size and buy clothes for it... I'm poor and I can't afford clothes that won't fit later.

learn how to do makeup and hair, skin care, nails, etc. if that's important to you
Oh, hey. I've been wanting to ask that, too ! How the heck do you learn such things, about hair, make-up, clothes, etc. ?
Beauty Magazines and YouTube videos
Practice, practice, practice and what Janet said, Woman are not born with' how to apply make up genes' . If you notice they read lots of magazines, which are a good read too.
Too bad I was always bad with learning alone from texts I'll do my best !

get used to shaving legs
I've a question here, too. Is it okay to do this with my face treadmill razor ?
Not sure what you mean, but I use a woman's triple blade for close shaves.  and I eplilate.
Go the supermarket and buy a female razor, I like Venus and  Intuition, there are lots check them out. Get into a beauty regime, shaving legs every 2 days, when to do the pits, do you want to go Brazilian, or at least shaved pubes? etc remember to use moisturizer, what nights do you do a pedicure and manicure,  there is a good section in WikiHow for being a feminine 'male' [not my choice of title BTW
Brazilian ? Shaved pubes ? What ? And, uh, manucure and pedicure, how the heck do I do that ? T_T

just observe other women and get ideas on how you might like to dress, groom, etc.
Ew, I'll need help here, too. It's easy to find something looks good on other people, but "would I wear this ?" is a question I could never answer easily, haha.
What I do is observe women my age and see what they mat be wearing and then I try to duplicate it.  If it does not work for me, I drop it.
Women dress for women, not for men. We check each other out continually for styles that suit or shape etc . That is why a 'new look' spreads so quickly, and why it disappears just as quickly.

decide on your new name if you haven't already
*raises hand*That is done, sir !

Practice walking. Practice walking in heels, practice sitting, practice getting into a car wearing a skirt. Practice arm movements, practice facial expressions
For that, I'll need a wardrobe. And to get a wardrobe, I need to know my sizes... Other than that, I think heels will wait, as I don't think I will wear them often anyway.
Get your ears pierced, pluck eyebrows, start a 'glory' box for jewelry etc. Wear [clear] lip gloss and get used to applying it. Get yourself a feminine wallet and use it [BTW I use a 'female' wallet all the time they are SOOO much better than boy wallets] 
I will not get my ears pierced, that's decided. I've always found piercings disgusting, no matter where they are. And I don't really want to end up with stretched weird ear lobes when I am 50. Anyway, I'm just too afraid of the fact of having a metal ring or pin through me. It grosses me out.

Eyebrows. My sister has tried to do that herself and it was disastrous ; I think I shouldn't try it unless I learn how to do it properly, haha.

Lip gloss ? Wearing make-up in public isn't very good stealth-wise, I reckon : o.

Wallet. Mine is women's, but kind of androgynous. Black but bigger than men's. And I totally agree, women's wallets are much, much more practical !
It is not compulsory but woman are often more out going than guys, so chat with the supermarket staff about the small things etc. Be publicly recognized as 'not one of the boys'.  I am. Even in boy mode I'm treated as one of the girls by both male and female staff. Love it
Chatting and all is hard for me as I have a very shy personality, but I think this will get better as transition boosts my self-confidence. But acting feminine, that, I can do. I've always done, anyway. People at school used to call me "Gender : Undetermined" because of it. Actually, if they were questioned about it, I'm sure 90% of the people I know would say I probably am a girl.

This may sound sexist but it is not meant to be.
Gert used to doing 'female' things. And I mean body image and care etc.

Cindy

Quote from: Sada on November 10, 2010, 03:22:41 AM
If you feel that HRT is going to be a big change for you then do it. You may have to travel a bit depending where you live for the right place to help you.  It will all pretty much depend on where you live pm me for some endos.
Here, such things are covered by the public regimen, and travelling would mean paying huge sums that I obviously do not possess. And where I am, the health system is mostly public. Such things as private endocrinologists do not exist, and it is almost absolutely impossible to see any specialist physician without a referral.

For me once I started HRT this was not an issue, if I am understanding you correctly if not then I am sorry. Though right now I would say do not fight your body sort of go with the flow. You are a girl it will take time to get there, but you will.

HRT actually in most cases increases appetite.

If this is a weight issue -

• Look at your lifestyle, how you eat, exercise, socializing, and how you deal with stress.
• Try not eat while watching the TV, or when you are bored.
• If you are overstressed check your cortisol levels, and your tsh levels as both of these can effect weight and appetite.
• Meet with a nutritionist. They can usually be found at a gblt center for free to a low fee.

*Remember appetite increase and decrease can be a caused by stress, which you seem to be under.
Thank you for the tips. However, LGBT centres do not exist where I am. (Yeah, it's a small freaking place and I DO plan on moving out. But this will be done when I am ready to go full-time. That way, stealth is mostly preserved.

In short when you finally start HRT you will feel much better mentally and physically. Your GID will go way down. If you want success - take some time to plan and have back up plans for each and every step of your transition.
That's pretty much done ; the big lines are.

Some other tips

Body Hair Issues

* get a man groomer to start with. . . It will take your body hair down to a more controllable level. Shaving right now could just irritate the hell out of your skin. When you start HRT it will be more manageable with time to deal with your body hair.
What is a man groomer ?

* or you could start waxing
This could be a good idea, depending on how good I will be at it. It looks hard.

Beard

* Laser if you have dark hair and light skin, this is a no-brainer. Worked great for me~^^
Unfortunately, while my skin is light, my hair is, too. I will have to do electrolysis only.

JOB

You will need money for everything ~ HRT costs - Hair removal - Surgery - and so on. Unfortunately being a TS and dealing with it is very expensive.
HRT : Most of it is covered, thank goodness. Hair removal : Sure will hurt my budget, but when I get a job, I'm sure I can manage it. I hope. Surgery : SRS is covered, thank goodness. FFS is not, but depending on how much the hormones affect my face, I may not need it.

Do you have a financial source? Somebody helping you?
Right now, I live off the maintenance from my father, but it only permits survival. Once I work, I will have more of a decent income.

What skills do you have?

Also look for something that you could do while you are healing from surgery. A lot of TS loose a lot of their income while healing.
Oh, yeah, good point. Maybe a job over the phone, from home, could be done.

Make a very detailed financial plan or have someone help you. Get things like cd's with half decent interest rates for when you think you GRS will be. Pre-planning will really help the chances of you reaching your goals.[/list]
You're right ; I will do that once I know for sure what my income is. What is "cd's" ? Hopefully not compact discs.

Well hon, even if your breasts become large, they will take years to develop. And all women's/juniors/misses clothes are cut to allow for breasts. (And if your shirt size is on the large side at first due to shoulders or chest, there will be room for larger breasts). It also takes awhile for body fat and muscle shifts. You'll be changing for years; you'll want something to wear in the interim.

You don't have to go all out on clothes. The thrift stores or other discount retailers have good bargains. You'll feel better with at least some basics, assuming you don't have them already. If you wait for a final result to dress up, you'll be waiting years.
Just a suggestion, though. I'm not the wardrobe police or anything. 

QuoteIs "being myself" not enough of a goal ?

Yep and that is all I meant.  I just think it's good to think about the kind of person one wants to be, and that goes for every person, whether they have gender issues to work through or not, especially when you're young, but I believe older people should examine such things as well.

Well I'm going to try to give you some advice the best I can. My transition is not complete and is still at the beginning stages but I believe you may be able to take some of my examples. First, a lot of people have already given you plenty of advice in this thread but it appears most of your responses are excuses/reasons why such advice won't work. Well if you want results you have to make something work. Sorry for sounding harsh but you have got to try something even if a dozen other options aren't feasible at this time.

The first and most important advice in my opinion is to actually focus on the now and near future, not the far future. I do have "far future" goals in mind such as SRS but those goals are irrelevant and unattainable if you don't have any "near future" goals and steps that can get you that direction. For instance, you mentioned "when I go full time" yet you do not currently own even one piece of women's clothing. You also mentioned about your shyness and how you might be much more comfortable once you transition. Be warned that transition will not make your life's problems go away. The best a transition can do is make your gender identity disorder go away and any related problems to it. It won't make your life perfect nor will it fix the rest of the unrelated things going on in your life. Men and women both share mostly similar problems so it won't make a difference there which group you fall into.

To give you a short bio, my transition has mainly involved multiple "test phases" or "trial runs." That is a wise way of going about such a serious and permenant life change. Because the human mind can be very tricky and people's personalities change over time it is important that we also cross-examine our ownselves to make extra certain we are doing what we want. A simple example is when we say "I want to go full time." Well the first step there is to dress up as a woman and see how it looks or feels. If you like it then go out in public somewhere starting with a safe zone (a GLBT venue for instance). These are the first two things I did in fact do. If you continue to be comfortable at these few and far between public outings, you will gradually incease those to include regular daytime routine outings (i.e. running errands) and your wardrobe will gradually improve while you test things out and develop a taste for the looks you like and don't like. I'm not even full time myself yet but for the past 2.5 years have gradually increased my female outings so that I can gradually get more comfortable to new environments, passing better in public, and developing a more accurate style true to myself. I have recently gone to a straight bar as well as a gun range as a female. Two years ago or even one year ago such an idea would have sounded insane to me.

I'm not an expert at women's sizes either. What I have done is generally just looked through the racks at stores, held up sizes that appear to be pretty close to me, buy them, and take them home to try on. As long as the store has an exchange policy, you can generally return and exchange what does not fit if you still have the receipt, tags not removed, etc.

Shyness and nervousness are things you will have to get over through the process of transition and you are not alone. I was terrified to open the apartment door the first time I got dressed up to go out. I was worried that everyone would be instantly looking and laughing at me. It didn't happen. After a few times the nervousness was mostly gone. Now, since I'm not full time and people see me both ways, I have neighbors not only fully aware but complimenting me on my appearance. Things aren't always as bad as we imagine them to be. But you can't get to a finish point until you have a path to travel on and you are prepared to depart from a starting point. Had I never opened that door the first time and done it, I'd still be stuck at square one. Practice makes perfect.

As to permenant things, I would advise against all of them right now. No laser/electro, no HRT, no surgery. My view may not be popular but I don't think it is wise to approach GID in making permenant changes to your body when you have not at least tried temporary solutions to test how they work and how comfortable you are with them. The temporary things I have done have involved shaving (and yes I use the same razor on my face as with the rest of my body), wearing female clothes (and stuffing the bra to make fake boobs), as well as socializing in my female gender role (at bars/clubs, among friends, etc.). These are all things you can do first. I will say it again that I don't think it is wise to be pursuing permenant changes to your body when you haven't at least tested things out by doing temporary things. Presenting female both in appearance as well as socially should be done first in my opinion. This is generally why most doctors will not prescribe HRT or do feminization surgeries without any type of real life experience because to them it will not make sense to physically turn someone female when they have never lived any part of their life as a female.

Last but not least, beware of expecting too much stealth. It is an illusion. You can be quite stealthy for the most part but not likely 100%. In fact, perfect stealth is impossible. You will have to come out to the people you know and they will see your changes. Plus, a name and gender change is often done in a courtroom which becomes a public record. I know some TS and CD people who are not full time and also completely closeted who will get all dressed up at the perfect time, hurry to their car hoping no one sees them, and then rush to the bar they assume they won't run into anyone at. You can't plan on such plans working everytime. The car could stall out requiring you to call a tow truck and/or a friend/family member to pick you up. You could have an incident at the bar, be involved in an accident, and have to deal with the police.

Money of course is an issue as well. Try to put even just $1 away here and there if you can toward your transition. It will add up. Sorry if I've overloaded you with information but I hope some of it is of help. Long term goals and plans are fine but it is most important to get the nuts and bolts together so that you can take a step at a time. I would list all of the things you want to accomplish for transition and break them down as much as possible into mini-tasks, and just start accomplishing one at a time. The very very first step I ever took was an extremely simple one: shaving my entire body. To build a skyscraper you have to start with the first nail. Get started and good luck.

bye

Ah, okay ! It's an investment. I will think of it as soon as my account balance actually goes up, haha !

*furiously scribbling down the great advice*