Let me preface this by saying I'm not depressed or confused. My mom said that because of these reasons, I don't really need to start therapy, as it'd just be a waste of time and money, if I'm not looking for somebody to straight up tell me, "You're trans." However, recently I feel like my voice has gotten higher, and also I feel like I'm too short for a guy. I read some study about transgendered children who start T before puberty ends can experience parts of puberty of the "target sex", specifically body shape and height. I probably still have three years or so of puberty. How much of a chance do I have of growing a few more inches if I start T soon? How likely is a therapist to sign my letter for T if I'm not 18 yet? And am I any less likely to get on T if I start therapy specifically to get on T?

Also, my mom asked me a few weeks ago if there's any way I can be happy without doing anything permanent to my body. I got the feeling that she thought I would eventually not be trans or something, so she doesn't want me to do something I'll regret later. I explained to her, that's why you get therapy, but she didn't seem to get it. I told her that I might be able to be happy, because I didn't want to upset her. I get that it's really hard on her, because this was kind of sprung on her, and I've had my entire life to understand it. However, it's a time sensitive issue, and I don't want to wait forever. Any tips on how to bring up the topic?

The reason many trans guys go to therapy is just to get the T. After they get their letter, they are finished.

its the only reason I went...
Well actually top surgery was.  Then the T was easy to get because I'd already gotten surgery so confirming my "trans"ness wasn't as necessary or complicated.
but essentially it was the same idea.  I hate/hated therapy.

I've been lurking on this site for a while, but I've not posted...til now...bwahahahaa.

Seriously, I think that while some therapists are not very good at the job, some are quite excellent and "therapy" has gotten a lot of undue bashing.

The standard way to get access to T (and surgery) is through therapy. If you're going to a therapist, why not take the time to make it productive?

I didn't *need* therapy. I wasn't depressed. I wasn't confused. But I told my therapist on day one, "This is a process, and I'm going to take it seriously," because....why NOT? (And I knew my gender therapist was one of the "good" ones because her attitude was "I'm not here to stop you or be a gate-keeper, even if that's how the SOC may seem.")

A good therapist will get to know you, probably have some insights about the process that you aren't aware of (from having treated many people who are not you), and help you figure out what stuff you want to talk to about or think about. A good therapist will get to know you and be in a position to help you communicate better with your mom. You are asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for tips, when that is exactly the kind of dialogue a therapist can have with you. A good therapist will get to know you well enough to recommend to your Mom that you be allowed to take, at the minimum, hormone blockers NOW. Totally reversible. Part of the recommended treatment of minors. AND it will improve the effects when you do start taking T. And on and on.

The way I see it, you are asking: how can I get my Mom to let me see when a therapist when *I* view a therapist as totally worthless except for the magical letter/piece of paper (which your Mom right now is uncomfortable with you having)?

The obvious answer is: start believing that you may actually get something useful and productive out of therapy and then you might convince someone else of it.

Tell your Mom that a therapist will help you explore the options available for you as someone with GID and that you are interested in talking to someone who can help you who is trained to do this stuff, and actually MEAN it, and she may go along with that.

FWIW - I'm not a minor and my situation is very different. However, while I was initially skeptical of therapy (and had seen a fairly useless counselor once before in my life), I feel like I do get something out of my therapy sessions. I'm still not depressed or confused or suffering. We talk about all sorts of things - professional, personal, transitioning, treatment of TS people or issues more generally. She lends me books or resources that she knows would be interesting to me. She gives me writing "homework" that gets me to express myself in a way that I don't in talking. If I feel like ranting about something totally irrelevant, I can do that there. In general, though, we laugh a lot. I've learned a lot about myself and how I feel about being trans in this world through this process, even though I didn't *need* it to be worthy of T or surgery.

I only went to therapy so that I could get T. I went for the required time and then pretty much didn't go again. You aren't going to just talk about T stuff though. You aren't going to be able to start T before you are 18 without parental consent, pretty much just like every other major medical decision while you are still a minor.

Like the others I'm only going to get my T letter. Told that to my therapist 5 mins into the 1st session. He said it was fine but wants me to continue afterwards for a while once I'm on T to talk about how changes affect me and to also help me through starting a new job full time male once I start one.

From what I've heard, under 16 you get hormone blockers. Once 16 you can start T.

For my mom I tried bringing it up a billion times casually but eventually I just had to flat out say I'm trans. This is how it is and I hope you will love me and support me. Which considering I live with her was terrifying and at first she avoided it but now almost a year later we talk about it frequently because I just started therapy not long ago and she doesn't agree with it but she supports and loves me. Sometimes you can't ask for much more. As for pronouns it's happening gradually. I asked at first that she only use male when we were in public. A few months later I asked her to call me by Michael or Alex at home. Then a while after that I asked her to call me him and (I call her dachshunds my brothers) to call me brother to her dogs. She's still never called me her son. Maybe that will come next.

Just get the important things out and then work on the little stuff step by step to let her adjust is my advice

Quote from: Michael Alexander on November 12, 2010, 02:40:10 PM
From what I've heard, under 16 you get hormone blockers. Once 16 you can start T.

Yeah, Robert F., this is probably the best thing to market to your mom.  It won't make you grow taller, but it should halt pretty much everything, and then puberty would resume when you discontinued the hormone blockers, so you could go through the 3 or so years you have left of it on T.  I think if you can start T before your body is bathed in estrogen for another 2-3 years, you're likely grow taller, but it might be easier on your mom to put it off for a bit if she has doubts.

Echo effect. Everyone has said what I was thinking. Sean, especially, gives excellent insights. (Hi, Sean! Welcome to the site!)

Blockers now, as soon as possible. T when your mother is on board or when you're of age. Therapy with a decent practitioner should help set your mother's mind at ease--and it might help you as well.

Sean raised excellent points. Pretty much what I would have said, in fact. You're unlikely to convince her it will be helpful for something other than T if you don't believe it yourself. Also, everyone has at least a few traumas in their life, so if you can clear those up while you're at it, it'll be productive and a good reason for your mom to agree to it. My mom is adamant that everyone could use at least some therapy. As guys it can often look a little touchy-feely and unnecessary, but there really are therapists who will get more done then just ask how you feel about things. Mine helped me make charts with actions and reactions so I can maximise my efficiency under stress. How can you argue with the usefulness of that?

Puberty blockers are definitely something to talk about, if you're young enough. That way she knows that if you somehow change your mind, you can just resume puberty normally. For actual testosterone, standards of care say that you can get T as young as 16. New standards are being developed, and I heard of a boy who recently got prescribed T at 13 in California.

Not to derail, but, damn, Nikolai. You look good!

Thanks Arch! Good to hear after a bad day. 

If I start anything concerning hormones before I'm 18, I will DEFINITELY have one of my parents' consent. I was just wondering how much harder it is to get on T when you're not 16 yet, particularly if I only want to start therapy for the hormones.