I've been taking square dance lessons. They're a lot of fun. I love the dancing, the movement, the intricacy of some of the formations, having a man's hands on me, having him spin me around. But I am beginning to realize that I'm learning a lot more than just dancing.
Dancing with a partner is very gender-specific. The man does certain things; the woman does other, often complimentary things. For decades I have struggled to learn to take charge, to be the one in control, to take responsibility. I wanted to always be the driver, never the passenger.
I'm learning to give up some of that, to let someone else lead, to trust in my partner to know what he is doing and just enjoy the ride. In square dancing you dance with everyone else in the square. Sometimes the women do things together; sometimes each woman dances with each man in the square. I always remember who my partner is, but I don't always remember where 'home' is – especially if I'm in the arms of another man. But I'm learning to give up that urge for control and just let him guide me.
That doesn't mean that I am any less competent or giving up my personhood or any of that. But it is awfully nice to just relax and trust my partner and follow. It is a new experience for me, and I'm beginning to like the view from the passenger seat.
- Kate
