Basically, I live with my mom and step dad.

My step dad will laugh at me and ignore it because I'm his step-"daughter". My mom won't believe me and deny it; she'll say there were never any signs, that she would've seen it/known and that I'm not masculine enough. She'll say that I'm too quick to put labels on myself (that's what she thinks of my generation, actually) and that I don't know what I want. Then she's deny it so more and eventually ignore it.

That's what she did when I told her I'm bisexual and she said that she can't trust me anymore and then she denied it, told me I'm either straight or gay, made gay jokes, laughed in my face, then woke up the next morning and denied it all and ignored it. That was about 4-5 months ago.

Then, about a week ago, she asked what I am in terms of sexuality.

Well, anyhow, the reason I created this topic was because today, I was sitting at the kitchen table and my mom and I were having this deep conversation (honestly, we're quite close) and I started to feel guilty because I knew I didn't have it in me to tell her and that it would break her heart.

I had always planned to just cut connections with family when I move out and transition some more (right now, basically, I'm just stuck with binding, guys clothes, and my friends calling me a guy.) However, my mom makes me feel guilty. She said that she wouldn't let me cut connection because I'm her only child.

I mean, I wouldn't want to do that to her, but she wouldn't like me if she got to know me. I don't know what to do.

Edit: Also, today, I started purposely dropping hints so that she won't be so shocked when I eventually come out one day (probably when I move out, by the way.)
Apparently crying about growing boobs when I was younger wasn't enough of a hint, or refusing to wear dresses and crying if I was put into one.
About thirty minutes ago, I said that I hate my voice because it sounds high-pitched and like those annoying girls at my school. She said that it's because I'm feminine and then said that it's not that high.    This isn't going to work well. I think it's amusing that she explained that it's because I'm feminine. >< I'm a feminine boy, damn it! Not a girl. Honestly, I think she thinks I'm just a tomboy.

I'm surprised she hasn't caught on at least somewhat. I mean, most people I meet have said something about me reminds them of a guy (like yesterday, my mom asked why I was wearing my pants so low. Originally, she had thought I lost weight because of how my pants looked on me. My step dad then said that the girls wear skin tight pants to show off their ass and the guys wear their pants like I was wearing mine. That actually made me happy even if it wasn't supposed to.)

Never burn bridges. I have heard of parents coming around many years after coming out.
It will be hard for your folks to accept and yes they will be in tottal denial mode of any signs you may have displayed in the past.
Suck it up until you can move out on your own.
And when you do leave, stay available for contact with the family unless they prove themselves to be an issue.

Hey Devyn,

You know your parents better than we do, but if you are truthful about it and honest with them, and calm about it they I think will take you seriously. If they do make fun of you then just tell them that it's serious, and that they are being hurtful to you.

It sounds like you do have a close bond with your mom, and if that's the case I know from experience that love trumps all other things. It might be hard for her to hear the truth, but it will be even harder for her to let you go.

I think Cynthia has a good point, that if you can just coast along for a while that might be easiest. But if you do feel you can't hold it in any longer just make sure you think it through how to come out to them, and be serious and unwavering, but still respectful.

Even so, you'll get to the point soon where you'll have much more a say in how you live your life. It will come quicker than you realize.

Quote from: Madelyn on November 12, 2010, 09:26:52 PM
Hey Devyn,

You know your parents better than we do, but if you are truthful about it and honest with them, and calm about it they I think will take you seriously. If they do make fun of you then just tell them that it's serious, and that they are being hurtful to you.

It sounds like you do have a close bond with your mom, and if that's the case I know from experience that love trumps all other things. It might be hard for her to hear the truth, but it will be even harder for her to let you go.

I tried telling my mom before and she told me to stop being stupid and that I'm a pretty girl. 

We are close, but she's said that she wouldn't want to associate with somebody who is "like that" because she thinks it's wrong and gross.

Quote from: Devyn on November 13, 2010, 12:15:43 PM
I tried telling my mom before and she told me to stop being stupid and that I'm a pretty girl. 

We are close, but she's said that she wouldn't want to associate with somebody who is "like that" because she thinks it's wrong and gross.

God, I hate that. I hate when people think they can 'convince' transgendered people out of their status by throwing them back into their biological skins.

My mother did the same and she's now in the 'do what you want I don't care and I will never accept it' stage.

What's important is you and how you want to live your life.

I agree, best not to burn bridges. A lot of parents do go into denial, then there will be anger and hopefully acceptance. You will need to be strong honey.

She said herself that she could not cut connection with you, that is a good start. It sounds like you love her and care about what she thinks.

I don't think it is your job to prove your transness. If you come out, then don't let those denials push you back in the closet, you don't need their permission to be the dude you are.

Do you want to come out now? It sounds like you do.

I have similar fears, because I didn't fully understand what ->-bleeped-<- was until I found myself faced with the realisation that it explained my own situation after a lot of research

I can only imagine what my parents will think, so many negative media stereotypes have shaped their thoughts I fear.

I hope it goes well for you when you do tell them. If you're that worried about a negative reaction, perhaps wait until you're out on your own or at least not reliant on them

Hey Devyn,

I just want to throw my support in your direction.

I'm a lot older than you, but my Mom is struggling in some of the same ways. She will say things like her having no indication of it so therefore I can't be trans, even though not one other person who I've told has been particularly surprised about me (even if they didn't *expect* it). She also thinks that I change my mind/flip-flop all the time, which is funny, because the examples she uses are things like when I moved to three different cities (for college, grad school and an awesome first job!). But that makes me flakey. Heh.

Seriously: she is just alternating between being in denial and lashing out. It is very hard for parents to come to terms with our transitions, and it is especially hard for some mothers when it comes to FTMs.

I know that it isn't a lot of comfort to know that *you're* the one who has to be patient, who has to be grown-up. Everyone acts like my Mom is supposed to be entitled to tell me hurtful things on a regular basis as she adjusts to my transition, and that in the meantime, I should just be patient, because she'll come around. Well, that's great - except, I don't have the luxury of avoiding her for 1 or 2 years or more while she figures out how to be a respectful human being toward me. So yeah, I'm being patient and doing my best, but it is a stressor in my life, and I do need to vent sometimes about it (taking it out in the gym on a punching bag or whatever works for me - ha). And I'm in my 30s!!!

Bottom line:it's not fair you have to deal with this at your age, when you Mom is supposed to be the one supporting you, and she's the one acting like a child. But it does get better,and in the meantime, feel free to rant and vent in healthy ways when the frustration gets to you.