Hi Tori319,
Having gone through the "coming out" thing, or should I say forced to go through the coming out thing in 2005, I would tell myself, if I could go back in time several decades, that coming out is the best thing that one could do, no matter what the result. The earlier you come out in life, the less time as a male you have, and the easier the change will get.
IMHO, you cannot have a real relationship with family members, if you hide things and they do not know you.
Personally, I would recommend sitting down over a nice hot tea and coming right out with the topic. Your mom probably suspects something already, mine did. You should spend as much time with your mom with no baggages as possible. I would not write a note or other similar thing, as that makes you look less mature and less confident. If you are sure that you are a girl, then just say so.
I started wearing nail polish, and I do not mean a clear coat, in 2005. I guess my inner self had enough of male anything. I guess that I was about 42 at the time, maybe 41, depending on the month in question. I think at the end of 2004 was when I started that. I had come out to a couple of people earlier. I had a TS friend, who suggested coming out to the person that I came out to. That was the wrong person to come out to and the one that was the right one, my sister, was the last that I came out to, but ho hum. My ex=stepmom, a therapist, was not transphobic by any means, but not helpful either.
I was scared to death of telling my sister and brother, scared to death, and after a month or two of thinking on the topic, they were okay and like me better this way. My father, well, we never had a great relationship, so nothing is changed. God, did I worry about telling him. I wasted several decades on that worry.
My step mom, father's third marriage, told me that she thought that there was something odd with me, when she first met me (at age 17). She thought that I was gay.
Question: What does it mean to be gay / lesbian if you are trans, especially pre-op? That label to me says didly. One can look at a pre-op M2F with a guy as being heterosexual or gay and vice versa. I knew Susan Moses, Talking ->-bleeped-<- fame, and I never thought of her and her boy friend as a gay couple. She was the female and he the guy. I never saw anything else. I still do not, although she is post op now and married.
My step-mom is totally cool with things, even calls me now by my female name. If she is not cool with things, she definitely hides it from me well.
I side stepped myself. I never got to tell my mom, because she died before I got to tell her. She always talked badly of lesbians. She did not talk that highly of African Americans either, so I kept quiet, sadly. My sister told me how stupid I was in my thoughts. She was right. My mom's best friend was African American. I have the sketch that he made for my mom. It is quite touching still to look at it. My mom's views changed in other areas too. I was just so busy being negative in my thoughts that I did not bother to see the reality. She went to my stepmom and asked her if anything is odd with me. My mom thought that I was gay too. My father insisted that she is imagining things, a literal quote, and that I am normal. I found out about the conversation years later, recently.
I never got the change to really be open with my mom and I regret that. My vote is for taking a deep breath and telling her like it is. She probably already suspects. Mothers do know their children, especially if they love them. Even Cher is coming along and has a good relationship with Chaz from what I read.
At least from my experience, I worried for decades for nothing. The friends that left were not friends at all. Now I have real ones. Okay, I would not say a lot of them, but I have real friends. Did I lose things? That is open to opinion. Everything was hidden and a lie, not real. I rather have real and no clouds over my head. I feel infinitely better now, no lies of any kind.
Best of luck!
I am new to this forum. I all!
