Hi All,

My name is Jess and I'm happy to join this forum. I'm sure many of you understand how the butterflies do cartwheels in your stomach the first day of FINALLY admitting to yourself "I can't deny it any longer - I'm transgender." So I guess in some ways this is my official coming out.

I'm a mid-30s pre-everything MTF. Married to a wonderful woman, have a beautiful child, amazing friends and family and life couldn't be better...except that it's the life of a man when I know without a doubt I'm a woman in both mind and spirit. To this point not a soul knows the truth.

To make matters even more complicated once I come out, I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to men. I've never felt that way about women (and GOD knows I  have tried in vain..) beyond more than friendship/envy. This has always been a tremendous point of shame and guilt for me as I've tried my entire life to be the consummate hetero "guy's guy" and normal red-blooded male. I'm tired of being ashamed of whom I want to be with in my heart.

I've known I guess my whole life that I was different but being a First-Generation born American in a very strong ethnic family/community, have tried and tried to suppress my real self. I guess I had a fairly normal childhood but just knew something was off. Once I got to my early teens and hit puberty, I began to crossdress any chance I could at home and struggled with GID. To everyone around me I was the fun guy, soccer star, 'perfect boyfriend' to girls -- deep down I wanted nothing else but to be one of them and dress, act, cry, laugh, socialize among them as a peer.

More of the same in college, despite three real attempts to see a therapist and start HRT, I always backed into my safe male shell and gave it 'one more try' at this guy thing. Over 5 years of marriage, and I'm finally ready to admit that these feelings and desires will never go away. I deserve better, she deserves better, and I'm tired of waiting for life to make that  big step for me.

So here I am. This post is my first step at starting the long road to womanhood. I have so much to  learn and express it's completely overwhelming at times. But I know there is strength in support. I hope I have the courage to be here among you here and regularly post my thoughts/fears/feelings/hope as I begin to finally let the woman in me emerge and join this wonderful world.

-  J

Hi Jess,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
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• Reputation Rules
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

Welcome to the site Jess 

Jess, Welcome home. 
I am new here myself and have found a lot of support from folks all over the globe.  Take some time to peruse what is offered in a multitude of threads and you will discover that you are not alone in your thoughts and many have blazed a trail for you to follow should you so desire. 

Susan

hello everyone, i hope you all had a good holiday..I have not been on here in a couple years, i still am alive and well
waiting to get back on my meds and continue my transition into a new life. iam a transsexual m2f  and i hope in 2 years i will be back in ful circle... well  have a good week and hope all your desires and dreams come true.. bye for now.

Hi Jess
welcome to the forum.
I'll hope you will find all the support you need, I think it will be because there are so many caring people around here.
A big step you've made, it's a good start to be honest to yourself and to admit that you are actually from the opposite gender.
transition is not an easy way but for people like us the only way.
well, anyway you're not alone anymore, you've got friends now.

hugs
annette

Hello Jess, And welcome to Susan's

   I am glad to hear your pointer has stop spinning and has come to rest in a place you feel confident with. I sense your excitement and am happy for you. It can be a bumpy road at times. But you are right, "there is strength in support."  I am sure you will have allot to share with everyone here. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

    Hugs, Erocse

Quote from: Herwinteress on November 27, 2010, 11:59:46 AM
Hi All,

My name is Jess and I'm happy to join this forum. I'm sure many of you understand how the butterflies do cartwheels in your stomach the first day of FINALLY admitting to yourself "I can't deny it any longer - I'm transgender." So I guess in some ways this is my official coming out.

I'm a mid-30s pre-everything MTF. Married to a wonderful woman, have a beautiful child, amazing friends and family and life couldn't be better...except that it's the life of a man when I know without a doubt I'm a woman in both mind and spirit. To this point not a soul knows the truth.

To make matters even more complicated once I come out, I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to men. I've never felt that way about women (and GOD knows I  have tried in vain..) beyond more than friendship/envy. This has always been a tremendous point of shame and guilt for me as I've tried my entire life to be the consummate hetero "guy's guy" and normal red-blooded male. I'm tired of being ashamed of whom I want to be with in my heart.

I've known I guess my whole life that I was different but being a First-Generation born American in a very strong ethnic family/community, have tried and tried to suppress my real self. I guess I had a fairly normal childhood but just knew something was off. Once I got to my early teens and hit puberty, I began to crossdress any chance I could at home and struggled with GID. To everyone around me I was the fun guy, soccer star, 'perfect boyfriend' to girls -- deep down I wanted nothing else but to be one of them and dress, act, cry, laugh, socialize among them as a peer.

More of the same in college, despite three real attempts to see a therapist and start HRT, I always backed into my safe male shell and gave it 'one more try' at this guy thing. Over 5 years of marriage, and I'm finally ready to admit that these feelings and desires will never go away. I deserve better, she deserves better, and I'm tired of waiting for life to make that  big step for me.

So here I am. This post is my first step at starting the long road to womanhood. I have so much to  learn and express it's completely overwhelming at times. But I know there is strength in support. I hope I have the courage to be here among you here and regularly post my thoughts/fears/feelings/hope as I begin to finally let the woman in me emerge and join this wonderful world.

-  J

Thanks so much for all the kind words from everyone. Each of you made me smile.

So far so good on feeling more comfortable with myself and being an important (and contributing) part of a wonderful community like this.

The first steps are the hardest. Soon enough it gets easier and easier.
Welcome aboard and congrats on finaly coming to terms with yourself.

Hi Jess;
Welcome to our home away from home. It's a great place to socialize, ask questions, vent and help others, if the opportunity arrises. If i can help at all please let me know.
Hugs
Beth

Quote from: Herwinteress on November 27, 2010, 11:59:46 AM
Hi All,

My name is Jess and I'm happy to join this forum. I'm sure many of you understand how the butterflies do cartwheels in your stomach the first day of FINALLY admitting to yourself "I can't deny it any longer - I'm transgender." So I guess in some ways this is my official coming out.

So here I am. This post is my first step at starting the long road to womanhood. I have so much to  learn and express it's completely overwhelming at times. But I know there is strength in support. I hope I have the courage to be here among you here and regularly post my thoughts/fears/feelings/hope as I begin to finally let the woman in me emerge and join this wonderful world.

-  J

We welcome you with opened arms.  You've come to the right place.  Susan's Place is a true community, and we think it's the very best of it's kind on the entire Internet.  That says a lot right there. 

By no means are you alone.  No way are you the only one to ever feel this way.  This is a very good day, because, in a way, you've found "your crew."  You express yourself wonderfully and write well.  We are very glad to have you.  You're family now, so feel right at home, because you are.     

Jess

Welcome to Susan's a home of supportive people.

Brook

Hello Jess,
I'm glad to meet you.

QuoteThis post is my first step at starting the long road to womanhood.

It's so good to be honest to yourself about who you are. 
Oh how I now hate that old safe male shell. But I do remember slipping back into it many times.
The big problem with it is that it is prison. No one can get in but you can't get out either.
It's a dark and very lonely place.
Welcome to the most exciting and important journeys you will ever take
I'm sure glad you have joined Susan's and have begun share. We will help when we can.
Oh and there is always someone around, so your never alone.
Welcome to a new world and to Susan's

Jillieann

Welcome!!! I can relate to some of what you said bigtime. Just know you are welcome here and allowed to be whoever you are! Lots of good resources and people here.

*hugs*