So ill be 6months in a week on HRT which means I don't have huge changes but still some.

I moved away for a job a year ago and started transition 6 months ago... I came out to my friends and family right before HRT and everyone is super supportive, not one negative reaction (at least to my face).

But I just can't get myself to buy a plane ticket home, I'm terrified, it was easy to tell people "I'm going to transition" but being in the middle of it scares me... some girlfriends wanna take me out and go shopping and stuff when I get back but gosh I just feel so lost. 

I'm having a hard time explaining this and I plan in having a talk with my therapist this Friday about it.  I'm scared these people, even tho they're supportive, will influence me(like they have my entire life) and cause me great deals of anxiety and stress

The guy I was, still kinda am I guess, hid this femininity very well and I just feel completely lost as to my own identity and I don't know how I'm going to feel being around people I've known my entire life as a boy... I have no confidence in myself

I think I may just skip Christmas this year... stay in my comfort zone of being alone?  Anyone care to give me advice or share experiences? 

Sorry if this post is sloppy, I'm on my phone... and for those who read my last post about getting a boy haircut, I updated my avatar:)

I am in the same boat...except I haven't started hrt...let me know what you decide...I am afraid of going home too

If you put on a demeanor and attitude that exemplifies confidence, then no one will stand in your way or cause you grief. 

If you appear uneasy with yourself, that is when people may start to question your decision to  transition.

I feel stuck between two different people... the person I am and the obligation to others to be a certain kind of person.  Spending 25 years feeling this obligation its not something easily broken.

It's obvious I'm more feminine, but I'm not ready to present that way... as it would be too shocking for my family and friends, I still feel somewhat masculine with facial hair and well I'm not completely satisfied with my wardrobe.

I feel like nobody and nothing and having so many people looking forward to hanging out and seeing me is stressful

Your obligation is to be yourself and to show your family who you truly are.

Quote from: girl_ashley on December 01, 2010, 11:54:36 AM
Your obligation is to be yourself and to show your family who you truly are.

Easier said than done ... some folks hold onto the old imagine of who they think you are ...

Most def easily said than done... I mean talking with my therapist I realized most of my interaction with people was based around hiding femininity, and I'm talking as a kid growing up with this.  It's not something I can turn off, its a defensive mechanism, I can honestly say I have no idea who I am or how to interact with people without it... but I guess the only way to destroy it is to face it head on huh? Darnit... why can't I just go live under a rock somewhere?

rylielove.

I too can really understand how you fel. You've finally started doing what you want to do, but spnt so long portraying an imag that, starting again, makes you feel insecure. Frankly, all the worse that everyone is so positive.

Have a feeling though, you are going to manage this quite well.

 If you need to give yourself more time, I fully understand that. Just don't get to comfy in your "comfort zone"  I am in the same boat as you are, at the moment. I am going to visit with relatives this holiday that I just came out to and have never seen me En femme. This will be quite interesting. But once it is done I will not have to do it again.

   Remember,

    Confidence breeds acceptance, acceptance bestows confidence.

   Hugs, Erocse

Ahhh and I hate my clothes right now!!!! Nothing seems to fit right, I hate all my boy clothes and my girl stuff is too much... am I gonna have to go shopping and go more andro?!?!?!  Crap, this sucks

That's funny you say that. Only just a couple months ago , before I was out and full time. I went shopping for more androgynous clothes. I came home with turquoise, red and purple, skinny jeans. And some nice soft pastel shirts to match. I really liked them the first month, Now I really don't wear them anymore. And they don't fit right anymore. A bit too masculine now . Funny Huh. So don't invest too heavily in a andro clothes, girl.

  Don't pay attention to me I just like to blab

   Hugs, Erocse

rylielove,

Why are you letting people influence you?  Go as you and have fun.  Yes it is scary.  But look at my signature below.

I think if you sit this one out this year it you won't be staying only in a comfort zone, it's also a zone where you will allow yourself more time so that your sense of femininity gains momentum and next year it may still be hard to face your family and friends but it will also be harder or impossible for you to revert to that old shield persona.

If you are too fragile maybe consider staying, if you trust that you can handle it you can let go of trying to control what life throws at you and see what happens.

This is maybe not much help, but I hope you eventually find your answers <3

I would rather be true to myself and to others rather than live a lie.

if you don't get out of the closet with everyone you will just be prolonging the agony for yourself and not know which people are going to be good support and which need to be let go.
take a deep breath and call home or write a note to go with the Xmas cards.

I bought a ticket... darnit, cost me almost 500 buck

I am totally out to everyone at home... so coming out has already been taken care of. 

I feel uncomfortable only being 6mo into hormones and 2 sessions with laser... I'm totally in-between genders and that sucks.  I want to be more feminine and express myself that way but still I'm a boy (kinda).

I'm nervous how my family and friends will treat me... I don't spend enough time female to know myself that way confidentally so i have to revert to my guy self with an asterisk *in transition

Quote from: Rob on December 01, 2010, 11:55:25 AMsome folks hold onto the old imagine of who they think you are ...

Some will continue to do that anyway... In my case it are the ones of whom I would have never expected it... My point is that for some folks it doesn't really matter how you present to them because they will continue to treat you as 'the old you' anyway. The two persons that I expected to have most problems with my transition are adjusting very well though and contine to surprise me, in a good way.

Quote from: rylielove on December 01, 2010, 02:44:16 PM

I'm nervous how my family and friends will treat me... I don't spend enough time female to know myself that way confidentally so i have to revert to my guy self with an asterisk *in transition

Suggestions.

1. It's how you treat them that matters.

2. You can no more try be a male than you can try to be more female. You just be who you are.

I am only two months into HRT, but felt very much like you do when I went to my mom's for Thanksgiving. Not nearly ready to present en femme and I felt awkward around my mom and a good friend. Around my mom my voice dropped involuntarily into a range that my wife hadn't heard in months. I tried to correct for it, but it would just happen and I found it very frustrating. My friend just had a very hard time treating me as anything other than an old guy friend. That was also frustrating. However, being me around my sisters was awesome and more than made up for the other stuff. I know that this time next year will be very different and I can't wait.

Well I hope you do go and make the best of things....be yourself. It sounds like they're supportive.

Take it from someone who isn't allowed to step foot in her parents house anymore any day of the year, esp christmas. =/