I was loading a couple of bags into the trunk of our car, last night, from our day of shopping. I had my purse over my shoulder. I took notice of my posture and how even when I had my hands full and bent over and back up again the purse stayed put. I couldn't help but be impressed with myself. Then I was reminded of my first outing En femme.
It wasn't more then a couple of months ago. I didn't plan it. Going out En Femme was just something that struck me and I just had to do. I wasn't really prepared for it, but was going to do it anyway. My wife wasn't going to be home that week. So I went to her closet, even though we don't really wear the same size. Between her clothes and my clothes I could find enough that fit, to put together at least one outfit. When I was done getting ready, I thought to myself. Where will I put my wallet? There certainly wasn't a place to put it on my clothing. Then it dawned on me, I need a purse. I went back to my wives closet. I found a cute medium sized Brighton purse. It matched my outfit and that was that. Although I wasn't really thrilled with my appearance. It thought it will do. I thought that getting out there was the biggest obstacle . And since I was excited to be going I'd better just get going.
I was out on the town, for the first time!!! It was amazing to be there. I found it difficult to pay attention to everything. There was just so much to think about, how to walk , how to talk, eye contact, smiling, posture. There is just so much. But there was one simple thing that kept bothering me all day. My purse kept slipping off my shoulder. I know this sounds like such a trivial little matter, but it made me feel so self conscience. It seemed like I couldn't take more then a couple steps without this happening. Then I would have to put it back in place. I was nervous, this behavior would give me away. A some point I tried to just carry the purse in my hands. But every time I saw a woman carrying her purse over her shoulder, so confidently, it made me have to try again, without success. It was very frustrating. I remember thinking at the time, "if I can't carry a purse right , how can I expect to accomplish all the other more difficult tasks that will be required, to pass as a woman. I started to think that there was something wrong with my build. Maybe women's shoulders are built differently then men? But when I compared my shoulder to that of a woman's. I thought "according to the laws of physics the purse should stay on my shoulder better then most women's". I mean after all they are much broader and have a flatter area in which the strap can rest on. Anyway despite my frustration with the purse I had the most wonderful day of my life !!!
Since that day I have grown quite fond of that Brighton purse. It is the only one I like to use. Slowly but surely I realized that there is a knack to keeping it on one's shoulder. It is hard to explain but once you figure it out, it becomes very easy to do and second nature. In fact now I think now I can preform the complete Nutcracker Ballet, without once having my Brighton purse fall off my shoulder.
It's these little things that can shake your confidence and send your mind into a downward spiral. But don't let them get you down. Keep moving forward and pretty soon you won't even think about these things any more. You might even grow to enjoy them..
Lots of love and hugs, Roxy
