I think I'm going to check out a support group this evening.  I'm a bit apprehensive because support groups aren't usually my kind of thing, so plenty of irrational fears are popping into my head.

So here's an experiment:  I'm going to make a list of my support group fears.  When I get back from the meeting, I'll write a follow-up post describing what it was actually like, in comparison to what I wrote earlier.

Here's a list of my irrational fears about going to a support group:

• If there are other pre-transition FTMs there, they'll be extremely masculine in appearance and will give me the "not trans enough" attitude because, well, I kind of look like a girl.
  
  
• Someone who seems nice at first will ask for my phone number, and I'll give it to them, and then they'll turn out to be a creep and will call me all the time.  (This is stupid because the obvious solution is to choose not to give out my phone number.)
  
  
• I'll be the only FTM in a room full of MTFs and they'll only talk about MTF-specific things and I'll either be excluded or put on the spot.  (In reality, this might be interesting, but I'm imagining a group of women talking about girly stuff and then asking me to give my opinion as the token male.)
  
  
• I'll befriend another trans person I meet there, and they'll later out me to someone I'm not ready to be out to yet.

Pretty ridiculous, I know. 

Most likely, it'll be a diverse group of people, most of whom are fairly "normal" aside from being trans, and they'll just be sitting around, drinking weak coffee and generally being very polite as everyone waits their turn to share their thoughts on a predetermined topic of discussion.  And I'll probably be made to feel welcome and end up having an interesting experience hearing other people's stories.  Most likely, my biggest fear should be of being bored.

Well, here goes.  Wish me luck.  And I'll be back with an update later on.

You've pretty much hit on all my fears about trans groups.  Looking forward to hear how it goes.

This sounds really interesting to me, as well.  I'm anxious to see your follow up. 

Also, that's a cool technique to use.  Normally I wouldn't think to write something down beforehand, and then afterward I probably wouldn't quite trust my "before memory."  So thanks for teaching me something cool.

<Here is where I would like to insert something insightful >  But all I can say is that I bet other people there have the same worries about a support group as well.

Anyway, I hope things went great for you.  And who knows maybe you met your future best buddy.

I added my responses to your concerns in Red.    I've been in your situation before!

Quote from: Alexmakenoise on December 10, 2010, 09:09:52 PM
I think I'm going to check out a support group this evening.  I'm a bit apprehensive because support groups aren't usually my kind of thing, so plenty of irrational fears are popping into my head.

So here's an experiment:  I'm going to make a list of my support group fears.  When I get back from the meeting, I'll write a follow-up post describing what it was actually like, in comparison to what I wrote earlier.

Here's a list of my irrational fears about going to a support group:

• If there are other pre-transition FTMs there, they'll be extremely masculine in appearance and will give me the "not trans enough" attitude because, well, I kind of look like a girl.
  
  The group I go to has a wide mix of people ranging from very new TG people to people who have fully transitioned for years and have no problem passing ... It's like this for both FTM and MTF, don't let it get you down.
  
  
• Someone who seems nice at first will ask for my phone number, and I'll give it to them, and then they'll turn out to be a creep and will call me all the time.  (This is stupid because the obvious solution is to choose not to give out my phone number.)
  
  This is something I've never seen happen.   Though I know some people do swap info and spend time outside of the group with each other.
  
  
• I'll be the only FTM in a room full of MTFs and they'll only talk about MTF-specific things and I'll either be excluded or put on the spot.  (In reality, this might be interesting, but I'm imagining a group of women talking about girly stuff and then asking me to give my opinion as the token male.)
  
  
  Uhm ... Much like any other situation, the women are the center of the world in social situations.   Men tend to just sit there and deal with it and find ways to socialize between themselves.    It's one of those universal truths.  Being TG has nothing to do with that.
  
  
• I'll befriend another trans person I meet there, and they'll later out me to someone I'm not ready to be out to yet.

Very very possible.   That's why you should be very conscious about how you interact with folks outside of your group.

[/list]

I hope your experience is anywhere near the positive experience my support group has been for me. I'm often the lone MTF on hand, but don't mind. These guys have rapidly become my family and take good care of me.

Alex I had your same fears....and I was also afraid of being the oldest person there....but it actually has been really good...everyone sees and treats me as a man.  That has been very rewarding to me .. it's currently the only place where I can be me fully.

The girls do take up alot of the time talking .. but the guys have been cool and we usually chat before and after the meeting.

Hey, I'm back.  One of my fears was sort of realized, but the reality of it was far from scary.  I was the only guy there.  Everyone else was an MTF, and most of them were about my parents' age.  There were two girls from roughly my generation.  This was not a bad thing, though.  Everyone was really nice.  I did feel a bit out of place in what seemed very much like a "women's space", but no one was trying to exclude me, and it was cool to sit back and listen to the women's stories and words of wisdom.  I'm finding that transsexuals tend to be interesting people because they've gone against the grain and overcome a lot of hardships in pursuit of being true to themselves.  I have a lot of respect for that.

There was a lot of variety in this group in terms of where people were in their transitions.  There was one woman who had transitioned in the 70s, several who had transitioned about a decade ago, several who were in the middle of everything, and one woman who was presenting as female in public for the first time.  (Although some of the older women mentioned to us newcomers that transition is never really over; you have to deal with it to some extent for the rest of your life.)

My other fears were unfounded.  People respected boundaries.  There were no judgmental attitudes.  My biggest fear should have been my own discomfort with the support group format.  It seems like a strangely formal way to talk about personal stuff, so I was nervous when it was my turn to talk.  But I think people were understanding.  I learned a lot and was given a lot to think about.

I found out that there's an FTM group that meets at the same place on a different day of the week, so I'm going to try and make it to that.

Awesome!  I'm glad you found that it wasn't so bad.    I'm also glad to hear that there's a FTM Group for you!

The group I go to alternates.  One week everyone sits in a room and talks and then the next week they do a breakout where they split into their Identity groups.   I only go on weeks when they split out into the groups. 

I am, lately identifying as Gender Queer/MtF and honestly can't stand the girl talk either.   If I hear one more story about shopping for shoes, I think I'll scream.

Quote from: Epigania on December 11, 2010, 10:07:58 AM
I am, lately identifying as Gender Queer/MtF and honestly can't stand the girl talk either.   If I hear one more story about shopping for shoes, I think I'll scream.

Haha!  Yeah . . . last night, they started talking about lesbian romance novels, and love between women, and the desire to give birth and bond with a baby.

Doesn't bother me to listen to that stuff for a little while, but I certainly had nothing to contribute!

Ugh .. yeah that too ... After awhile of going to  those meetings, the topics make a full circle too.   That's why it's better to go every couple weeks, IMO.   Every time some new lady comes the subject in our group always turns to "How long before I can't have sex with my girlfriend anymore?"

Valid topic, but after the 10th time it gets a little old.

I've concluded that I don't like support groups, but they are a good way to get an introduction to the local community.  People talk about therapists and other trans resources and stuff going on in the community, which is very informative.  This group has a ground rule that you're not supposed to greet people if you see them outside of the group (unless there's prior mutual consent), and I think this is a good idea, but it'll be nice just to see some familiar faces at other trans events.  I have a feeling that if I keep going to support groups, I'll eventually find my niche in the community outside of support groups.

in any support group there will be such a wide variety of people that you will not be unusual and you may find you compare very favourably with some of the ones more vocal about being stereotype TGwhatevers.
so go and enjoy yourself and use the meeting as part of the experience of becoming the real you.