A thread started by Kate earlier this year (Self-acceptance = transitioning?) really struck home – it is so refreshing to at last find others who share very similar emotions to those I feel.

It was a post in that thread by Melissa that hit me hardest – that my Gender Identity Dysphoria has real physical manifestations every day – that when I look at women and have shuddering emotional attacks of jealousy and rage at my own body's inadequacies that stop me dead in my tracks, that is GID alive and kicking in me.

I've just come back from a Christmas party with neighbours (who know nothing about the real me), and that GID attacks that Melissa so accurately describes it happened any number of times as I chatted to other women who were there. It was excruciating, but at the same time the knowledge that I have accepted who I am and that I am now doing something real about it was reassuring (and dare I say exciting).

Fiona

Quote from: Fiona Jayne on December 28, 2006, 03:54:13 AM
.... It was excruciating, but at the same time the knowledge that I have accepted who I am and that I am now doing something real about it was reassuring (and dare I say exciting).

Fiona

One of the biggest milestones is the realization of who and what we are, and from that point on  sees our lives change like they have never changed before.

Steph

Thanks Steph,

It's also a time of sadness for me - I'm cooking a special lunch for my partner and her family today, and everyone is happy and relaxed, and I am painfully aware of the bombshell I will loose on them all in the new year, and that this may be the last time we are so happily gathered together.

I feel a sense of sadness and almost mourning of the passing of these moments. I don't know what the future will hold, and how people will react – but I do know that nothing will be the same for me and my loved ones again...

Fiona

Quote from: Fiona Jayne on December 28, 2006, 06:16:37 AM
Thanks Steph,

It's also a time of sadness for me - I'm cooking a special lunch for my partner and her family today, and everyone is happy and relaxed, and I am painfully aware of the bombshell I will loose on them all in the new year, and that this may be the last time we are so happily gathered together.

I feel a sense of sadness and almost mourning of the passing of these moments. I don't know what the future will hold, and how people will react – but I do know that nothing will be the same for me and my loved ones again...

Fiona

The key is to expect the worst.  Human nature is a fickle thing at best and it is safe to say that you are going to loose family and friends along the way, but having said that folks will surprise you, and you will undoubtedly make new friends.  Cherish those who stick by you, and those friends who turn their back on you were probably not friends after all but merely acquaintances.

Steph

Quote from: Fiona Jayne on December 28, 2006, 03:54:13 AM
when I look at women and have shuddering emotional attacks of jealousy and rage at my own body's inadequacies that stop me dead in my tracks, that is GID alive and kicking in me.

Fiona

Jealousy is something that we all feel if we are Transexual, without sometimes realizing how jealous we are.

I played football (soccer) when I was a teenager and signed for a professional club at 16. We went on a pre-season tour  when I was 18 and I went out with the guys to a bar. A really pretty good looking girl walked in and caught everyones attention, one of the guys asked me what I though.... my reply was , I love her hair, wonderfuul skirt and the handbag is fab.... I didn't get the ball passed to me after that.

On a serious note, how jealous I was and had become came to light at the birth of my first son.... I so wished it was me, lying there with a new born in my arms, I would have given anything to have changed places with her and on a daily basis there on to experience a Mother creating and nurturing life.

It was those kind of moments, that eventually lead to that realization, acceptance of ones self in that changes have to be made.

Buffy