From Marie Clair, some of the most disturbing and worthless gifts ever.  #7 even creeped me out. 

http://shopping.yahoo.com/articles/yshoppingarticles/473/19-unusual-gifts-nobody-wants/

Personally every one on my list is getting:

Avoiding Huge Ships Manual (sec. ed.)
$82, amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336

How to Avoid Huge Ships, a book dedicated to the ins-and-outs of avoiding huge ships, not big ships, or large-sized ships, but huge ships. It has amazing user reviews on Amazon.

This book was "written by an old captain who was tired of running over fools in their pleasure boats, and wanted to educate those same fools in a futile effort to save their lives".

for xmas 2004 I went to toys'r'us (first time ever and last) and just bought the most ridiculous items I could find. I figured the chances of me buying something that someone would actually like was pretty low so I played up the look-at-it-pretend-to-like-it-never-use-it-store-in-a-cupboard-for-a-year-or-two-before-throwing-it-out idea. They got a laugh which was better than an awkwardly and rather unbelievable thanks :-/