Let me start off by telling you the bad news before the [somewhat] good news.

Today Alee [girlfriend] and I were heading outside durring our lunch period. I dont remember what he was saying but a hall monitor called us "ladies", and I corrected him "I'm not a lady". and he continued to tell me that I am NOT a guy, and I will never be one until I "grow one of those things [penis], and get bigger biceps". After repeatedly telling him that this conversation was uncalled for, he asks me "well what bathroom do you use ugh? youre not a guy."

It was awful. I ran to my guidance counselor and told her what happened, crying of course. I couldnt believe that someone who works in such a diverse school like the one I go to could be so rude and put his beliefs and thoughts before the RESPECT I deserve.

The school administrator/head of security spoke to him....he apologized to Alee, not to me.
I could of very well told him: hey you're black, I dont go around calling you "negro". why should anyone call me by names and pronouns that dont correspond with my gender when THE WHOLE SCHOOL knows who I am, and what I WANT/NEED to feel safe and comfortable in school. I dont even feel like going anymore. I hate school.

The one positive thing about today was the conversation I had with my track coach. Although his news wasnt something I really wanted to hear, he was very careful with what words he used and is trying really hard to understand my situation. I really apperciated that. He lets me do everything with the boys: run, go on water breaks, etc. But apparently there may be a problem when we go to meets. He saids it is possible that "they" [whoever runs these things in NY] dont allow transgender students to participate.... because i am not biologically male.

would this be good enough to present, should i be not allowed to run on the boys team? :
http://srlp.org/resources/publications/fact-sheet-transgender-gender-nonconforming-youth-school

Hey man, I'm sorry that happened to you stupid ignorant people. I think you should be able to run on the track team at meets. Maybe you could find a case of a transgender boy running at a track meet with the guys?

yeah I'm googling up a storm, and told my social worker from school about it so shes going to try and help. I really dont see the problem with it. I have no advantage...I'm the slowest guy on the team and its just running indoor track

I think that resource sheet is a good place to start if you go to school in New York city.

It sounds like you might want to share it with your coach, so he understands how to best approach the track meet situation.

The rules and regulations that cover interscholastic sports competition are usually overly complex and detailed, yet without always considering every situation (including transgender athletes). But your school has to follow the law, and so do other schools, so if you live in a place that gives broader legal protections for you as a transgender student, then there is no "they" who can stop you...unless they would like to face a lawsuit and have to pay you and your family a lot of money afterwards.

Sounds like you're on the right track (har-har) in figuring out your eligibility, your rights, and that you have a good coach willing to support you. That's great. Even if the hall monitor is a d-bag.

I think you should be able to run on the boys' team.

Also, I would've flat out punched that boy. I'm not encouraging violence, I'm just saying that I would have if I were in that situation.

Dont give up hope...lots of girls play on boys teams ... kickers for football teams etc....I believe it's less of a issue for ftm's...plus NY
New York Non-Discrimination Law

Gender identity protected? In some cases
While gender identity is not explicitly included in the state's anti-discrimination law, courts have ruled that transsexual individuals can pursue anti-discrimination claims under the category of sex.

So argue it's discrimination

@Rob, oh believe me i will!

Quote from: Rob on November 18, 2010, 09:19:10 PM
Dont give up hope...lots of girls play on boys teams ... kickers for football teams etc....I believe it's less of a issue for ftm's...plus NY
New York Non-Discrimination Law

Gender identity protected? In some cases
While gender identity is not explicitly included in the state's anti-discrimination law, courts have ruled that transsexual individuals can pursue anti-discrimination claims under the category of sex.

There are a variety of factors involved here.  One is that gender identity is NOT protected in NY; the GENDA bill passed the NYS Assembly but not the Senate.    So, that point is moot.

Title IX is a Federal law that provides equal athletic access to girls.  It informs the decisions that AD's and districts make, as well as the bylaws of the NYSPHSAA (NYS Public H.S. Athl. Assoc.).  I have quoted the relevant section from those below:

"(c)   Where a school provides separate competition for male and female pupils in interschool athletic competition in a specific sport, the superintendent of schools, or in the case of a nonpublic school or school system which elects to be governed by this clause, the chief executive officer of the school or school system, may permit a female or females to participate on a team organized for males. However, where separate competition is provided, males may not participate on teams organized for females. NYSPHSAA NOTE: This clause is to meet the needs of the exceptionally talented girl."

Full text of the bylaws can be found at:  http://www.nysphsaa.org/handbook/
The section on eligibility is at:  http://www.nysphsaa.org/handbook/pdf/HSEligibility10.pdf
(scroll down to page 98 for the section above). 

Essentially, a bio female can "play up" with boys in exceptional cases, but a bio male cannot "play down" on the equivalent girls' team.  Aidan, you mention that you're slow, so I don't know if your superintendent would grant your request, as the note states it's to meet the needs of the exceptionally talented.  In theory, it's for girls not challenged by playing against girls.  :/

Now, if you were to switch to a sport in which there is no equivalent girls' team (e.g. football or wrestling), they would be required by law to let you try out, but only after you pass the requisite fitness test.  In some districts, this is a very rigorous test, similar to or the same as the one applied to middle school students who want to play on H.S. teams.  A panel decides if you're fit, then you get to try out, subject to the same criteria as any other boy.  See below:

"In the sports of baseball, basketball, boxing, field hockey, football, ice hockey, lacrosse, rugby, soccer, softball, speedball, team handball, power volleyball..., and wrestling, the fitness of a given student to participate in mixed competition shall be determined by a review panel consisting of the school physician, a physical education teacher designated by the principal of the school, and if requested by the parents of the pupil, a physician selected by such parents. Such panel shall make its determination by majority vote of the members, and in accordance with standards and criteria issued by the department."

Hope this helps.  Good luck.

Quote from: aidengabriel on November 18, 2010, 06:29:09 PM
It was awful. I ran to my guidance counselor and told her what happened, crying of course.

Naturally.  Good job showing him what a man you are.
And here is where I get a bunch of people jumping down my throat because not all men have to adhere to a macho stereotype.  Of course they don't.  But if you look female and act female, why would you expect people to believe you're a man just because you said so?

ran to my guidance counselor and told her what happened, crying of course

Yeah, umm, that's not helping.  Guys can cry - like when a dog dies, or they are moved by beauty, art or losing the championship game, but running to your school mommy in tears to tell on someone is not going to help the 'I'm just one of the guys' deal.  Cause 'the guys' are going to be too busy laughing their asses off to even say Hi to you.

Even if the hall monitor is a d-bag.
All hall monitors are D-bags, they are just TSA agents waiting for their GED so they can sign on.  No self-respecting person ever takes that job.

I'm the slowest guy on the team 
I fail to see how that's an advantage when trying to get on a track team.

@Tekla and RD - I agree completely sadly

@Aiden - What you need to do is go back to that guy that disrespected you and make sure he never does it again.  This can be accomplished just fine by firmly stating the facts and facing him down if you have too.  If you truly believe in your masculinity other's will too but you have to convince others yourself.  A man or even a boy would handle something like this himself.  If he physically assaults you in anyway that might be a time to bring in an authority figure but not until then.

And to be sure, it's not the crying part (though that ain't helping) it's the snitch part.  Pretty much anywhere past adolescence guys see running to the closest authority figure as a sign of weakness.  How we going to ever be able to think that you would 'have our back' when you can't even take care of your own?  And, a lot of times, that is a very valid question.

Quote from: RD on December 15, 2010, 11:45:48 AM
Naturally.  Good job showing him what a man you are.
And here is where I get a bunch of people jumping down my throat because not all men have to adhere to a macho stereotype.  Of course they don't.  But if you look female and act female, why would you expect people to believe you're a man just because you said so?

At the risk of looking like I'm "jumping down [your] throat", I'm going to have to call bs. Maybe you didn't intend to come off this way, but the "Good job showing him what a man you are" came off as rather condescending. 
Going by his profile picture, he does NOT look female, and crying is not an inherently feminine action.

He was discriminated against by a school employee, at which point he should be talking to somebody else in a position of authority. If he were in college, then he probably should have confronted the employee on his own, but as a high school student there isn't much he can do to make sure it doesn't happen again.

@aidengabriel
You did what you could do. Plus, I know a lot of guys (cis and trans), myself included, who cry when they get really angry. Don't worry too much about it. The whole situation is absolutely infuriating, and I would've cried too. Don't let anyone get on you about crying, because it's really not that big of a deal. 

As far as getting another adult involved, I would say that was a good idea. If you're being discriminated against, you should bring in people who can help you. You should NOT suffer through dealing with things that you can't handle just for the sake of some other person's idea of masculinity. Be your own man! As long as you aren't running to other people all of the time, there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.

Most importantly, I hope you get to run on the guys' team. Best of luck to you.
     

he does NOT look female
Lots of at one time bio-guys on here can tell you that not even all guys get to be 'one of the guys'.  Not looking female is just the start, not the end point - this is about a lot more than fashion.  That being said: crying is not an inherently feminine action, is inherently feminine when you do it because of something someone said, do it in public, and do it while running to whoever the 'designated mommy' is in that situation - particularly if you're trying to get in with the jocks.  To most guys that age (and beyond) the group loyalty is paramount deal and one of those requirements is that you don't run to the authorities.

Reminds me of the "lone wolf" analogy.  Just like a pack of dogs, your job as a boy is to go along with the pack.  Go against them and they will turn on you.  Get branded as a "rat" and you will get shut out of every male social circle, not just the jocks.  "Bro's before ho's" applies to just about every male social interaction.  I remember a quite heated conversation one time about whether you, as a male, would tell your male friend's wife that he was cheating on her.  Almost universally males will say that they would tell him what he's doing is wrong, but out of respect for "guy code" they wouldn't dare say anything to his wife.

@RD, i look like any other little guy in my school.
@Tekla, do you expect me to resolve this on my own? student vs administration....doesnt work in my favor unless i have someone to support me and realize what this hall monitor said was ->-bleeped-<-ed up. and my guy friends dont care if im sensitive

Tekla, do you expect me to resolve this on my own?
Sure.  And on that day you get to move from being a boi to being a man.  Just that easy.


and my guy friends dont care if im sensitive
Damn right about that too, if you took offense and did nothing, so what?  They only care about guys who are like them, not guys who are not like them.

honestly the crying thing wouldn`t come off as masculine to me eaither. Seen lots of girls crying through junior high through university - never a male. Not even when theyve found out their relatives are dead. Yeah it sucks when people say sh** to you, but as a transperson you need to get used to it, you`re not always going to be able to run crying to somebody - at some point you`re going to have to `man`up and handle things yourself. There`s no reason that you have to stick around and listen to someone who is telling you you will never be a dude - don`t like it? Ask him politely to shut up, walk away, don't recoomend it but I might punch the dude.

As for sports - what are you in it for? I wouldn't bother competeing if I knew that I was slow. That's how I am though - if you're looking for belonging in a male group - there are always rec leagues of sports, drop in sports, or other male activities.

Just so you know Aiden no one is trying to attack you or hurt your feelings here.  People are just trying to help you. 

Eventually you will have to stand on your own two feet and it is better that you practice doing that in a relatively safe environment like your school than on the street. 

Disclaimer : I'm not blasting you - just some man-to-man honest opinions.

Crying and Dobbing are two habits you're going to want to break yourself out of, ASAP.

Nobody will respect you, and nobody will have your back (beyond staff obligations) otherwise.

I know, I know... perfect world blah blah no gender restrictions blah blah freedom of human expression blah blah everybody cries blah blah blah.

Sorry, kids - it's a nice dream, but it's not the way the world works at this point in time.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in one set of genders expectations being lifted off us, that we're prone to forget that we now have a new set of expectations to deal with.

That might suck, but that's just how it is. Your new social role comes in a shiny new box - the same box cispeople deal with. You don't get an exemption because you're trans. If you want to be outside the box (which is a very valid way to be), then you've got to stop giving a crap about what anyone else thinks.

Teenage idealism is all well and good, but you can't change the opinions of those around you if they don't respect you. And to get men to respect you - you've gotta play to the social rules and expectations already in place.


Also - when you're living as male, you're going to have your performance directly compared to other males. No exceptions, no special treatments.

If you're too slow compared to other boys to make the track team - that's life. It happens to plenty of smaller cisboys too. What makes your physical disadvantages worthy of special treatment, and theirs not? Their reasons may be different, but they can't help their physical shortcomings any more than you can. Your feelings are no more (or less) important than theirs. Short of letting everyone on the track team (at which point it becomes a social club, handing out ribbons with "Participant!" on them), someone is always going to be disappointed.

Welcome to equality. It doesn't always equal the playing field in your favour. Not getting special treatment is part of being accepted as a regular guy.

Sometimes we're so used to being the best at what we do, it can be a bit of a rude shock to suddenly find ourselves being held to different standards. It can be an unpleasant knock to the ego at first, but you suck it up and get over it - 'cause unless you want to be seen as a women, it's not something that's going to change.