Honestly, I kinda just feel like giving up atm. Everything seems so overwhelming. Getting rejected by my conservative christian friends - well not rejected as friends - but rejected as my choices are wrong - and their promises to help me in the appropriate supportive ways (which means to get me back on the straight and narrow according to them). Further I've been home for over a week now, and haven't had one male pronoun, parents are using my full birth name all over the place, calling me she in public to random people, there is ex-gay and ex-trans proganda laying around the house, and mom invited me to a ladies party (to which I said no... and she said.. oh yeah, oops).

In the first couple weeks of coming out, they were trying and using appropriate pronouns when remembering too.. and now.. nothing.

And then other friends, that I would have considered good friends as well, telling me I'm not a man yet.. not til I start T and such. And they joke about it and it just makes me feel ->-bleeped-<-ty, then there is other friends that aren't even trying.

And I've got this paperwork sitting here to go change my legal gender, but I need to change my name at the same point. And I want to run it by my parents first.. but I just feel like this isn't a good time.

I mean I have alot of supportive friends - but not here back home, besides the girlfriend who is awesome, and friends I rarely see. It's my day to day friends and parents that are driving me batty.

And everytime I walk in the living room, I see my birth name sewn in a stocking hanging over the fire place, and I just want to cover it over.

Gahhhhhh. I feel so ->-bleeped-<-ty right now. I am not a girlllllllllllllllll! Parents can't you see that and respect that?

you look like a guy so its time you were firm with the family and the stormtroops and get that name change paperwork filled and send off and do it now

Write your name on a sticky label and cover over the name on the Xmas stocking.

You could start by doing your bit for the environment and recycling the anti-trans and gay propganda, change the name on the Christmas stocking. ....hmm, maybe stress that guys don't go for Xmas stockings in the first place.

  As for the friends, maybe you could ask them whether they would still be a guy if they lost their T-factories in an accident.  If they say yes, then you can point out that is exactly how you feel.

Despite all they can throw at you, have a great Xmas.

Sandra.

Hi Tad.

It comes across, fairly clearly, that you're being set up. Asking you to a women's meeting, by mistake, seems a clincher. Fancy specualting on what you will get come Christmas morning?

In all honesty, they aren't taking you seriously and are hoping to snap you out of this.

Don't know anything of your relationships with your parents, but either ignoring it or some snappy comebacks. If you can, a decent conversation might help. That depends upon you. But from other things you've said, I'd have my bible refereces ready along with some pretty decent counters for theirs.

As for your 'friends', strange friends that hold you in such contempt.

 Remember, you are, who you are. Not who they want you to be. I can only imagine how ->-bleeped-<-ty that must make you feel . Family can be so arrogant and inconsiderate sometimes.

I know there is more to it then just a photo, but god dammit you look like one hell of a nice guy. And by your posts that I have read,  I know so!!!

  Keep that manly chin up . And those cool eyes low.

   Hugs to my  brother, Roxy

The day to day people we love the most can cause so much damage. It seems that even good people cannot surpass the hurt inflicted by parents and close friends. I am certain they think they are doing something constructive somehow. They cannot imagine the incredible pain they inflict. Yet they would not want you to do anything foolish. We certainly don't. 

I think the recycle bin is definately the place for all of the anti. propaganda, maybe fuel for the fireplace.
A trip to the store for a new stocking may be a fun distraction. Suggest it to your mom possibly.But definately get rid of the old one.

Can you have a heart to heart with your folks. Perhaps express appreciation for all they worked at prior. Let them know it was really important. Focus on friends bringing you down. Let them know the pronouns matter to you. They may forget and not realize that this could be important to you and have slipped into old habbits.

It sounds like denial is the approach they are taking at the moment. We deal with the same things with Erocse's family. I struggle with pain and feelings of  rejection for us both. Reading others posts helps me see  we are not alone. It takes my mind off of myself and I feel better. I notice you are there for others when they are having difficulty too. You are a good guy. It is apparent you are a man and a strong man. Impossible to deny.

I know this is a difficult time and we appreciate you taking the time to share with us. I hope you take time to yourself to give yourself good thoughts and try to focus on the positive people in your life. You are important to us all. Keep your chin up. We will look for your updates.

Many many many big hugs.
Patty

Tad

Hang in there dude...it's taken a lot of strength and courage to come as far as you have.  Parents are funny folks - they want what's best for their kids but are constantly afraid of messing up.  Sounds like some of your Christian friends have been talking to your parents.

Is it so uncomfortable you want to leave?  Is there a place you can go?  You know telling your parents that you feel very uncomfortable and not supported and that you think you might need to leave might be the eye opener for them. 

As for your friends - I had a couple who joked with me and I simply said it was the hardest thing for me to admit to myself and then others and I find those comments offensive.

Quote from: Rob on December 16, 2010, 09:24:43 AM
Is it so uncomfortable you want to leave?  Is there a place you can go?  You know telling your parents that you feel very uncomfortable and not supported and that you think you might need to leave might be the eye opener for them. 

That can just as easily backfire though.  My parents thought that by excluding me (not necessarily rejecting me, just choosing not to include me), they could some how cure me.  His parents might just think that if they force him to choose between his family and what they probably percieve as a phase, he will of course choose his family.

Now that I think about it, as painful as it might be, it might work to force THEM to choose (between losing their daughter and loving their son).

It's hard. I was pretty much excommunicated from my church after the men's bible study had a hayday hurling bible verses at me pushing me toward suicide.

I don't talk to any of them anymore. I have my own church that loves and accepts me as I am. And many many friends that do the same. But it's still been hard losing my family too.

But for me, it's worth it. I can finally be me. And I know I can't go back. It hurts too much to think about.

Tad you are such a guy.  In the way you write, in the way you look, in the way that you think.  I see you that way one hundred percent.  The fact that other's don't see you that way tells me that denial is not just a river in Egypt. 

I lost my family when I came out.  It was difficult and still is but I'm so much happier as a man than I ever was as a female.  It was the right move for me and if my family can't appreciate it is because they are not enlightened and don't want to be.  Completely their loss and not mine. 

If I were you I would take that stocking down and if someone asks say that this is your house too and it makes you uncomfortable and that is that.  Every time someone uses your birth name or the wrong gender pronoun correct them.  Politely but firmly and eventually they will stop doing it.  They might switch to the no pronoun game which is awkward but at least it's a step in the right direction.  I play that game with my in-laws. 

Good Luck Man.  This is not forever.  Someday soon you will be able to be on your own with your girlfriend and will be able to live your life the way you want it to be.

Totally off the topic

But Squirrel I have noticed in the time I have been on the board that you have started to become more assertive ... you definitely are stronger mentally by making the transition

Thanks Lilac woman, I was considering doing that.

Dear spacial - I know what I'm getting Christmas morning.. cuz I already got it. A block heater for my car. However I won't be surprised if there is some form of fem clothing under there, not a year goes by without it.

I'm not to sure if the ladies party thing was a set up, because a freind later reported my mom told her about asking me and saying it was a huge faux pas on her part.

Rob I had thought of leaving, well not coming home at Christmas because I didn't know what kind of environment it would be like. It's alot more, I donno passive aggresive then I thought it would be. I def thought there would be outright rejection and such. More they are just treating me as they always have. As their daughter. I have another 3 weeks off, I mean I have my own pllace back at school... but it'd be super lame to spend 3 weeks there when everyone else has gone home for the holidays.

As for the stocking, I feel crappy about taking it down. Mom spent probably a 50 hours making it for me. It's a fancy cross stictched one.

I'd like to just sit down and talk with my parents, however... talking about emotions and such is something I really can't do outside of writing, and therapy to a certain degree. I just don't even know how to start.

Thanks Rob!  Good that you noticed.  I am feeling tons more confident these days!  It's a good feeling.

Tad, you seem to have no problem writing your feelings down as you do it find here.  So why not write your parents a letter?  Either that or use 3x5 cards with notes as you talk to them but a letter is probably better.  Write them a nice letter and state at the end that if they are questions they are welcome to ask respectfully but you've made your decision and will not change for their comfort.  Basically this is your life and not theirs. 

Say that while you appreciate the care they have given through the years you are now old enough for them to respect you as a person capable of making his own decisions.  Tell them you don't feel respected by their actions and you deserve respect as a member of the family and as a member of the human race.       

We already had all these discourses before via email. They know all this. And it was after the final letter that they had started to use male pronouns. However, another month and a bit has gone by.. and nothing. Other the the ex-trans like they Sy Rogers movie sitting by the TV.

I wasn't really expecting much advice, I just need to vent about how ->-bleeped-<-ty I'm feeling. And overly emotional. (of course only when no one is around to see, besides the gf)

Sounds like you need to write another letter then.  Perhaps a bit more assertive so they won't 'forget' again.  You don't have to put up with being made uncomfortable in your house. 

I'll shut up now and just wish you the best.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on December 16, 2010, 01:46:20 PM
Sounds like you need to write another letter then.  Perhaps a bit more assertive so they won't 'forget' again. 

letters can work wonders Tad.  I wrote my very in denial stepdad a 4 page letter, telling how unhappy I was, how I needed to transition, how I was still the same person, it wasnt his fault, and i was not going to change my mind, the letter was assertive to the point of almost being rude, but I also tried to show understanding to him as well.

the next time I saw him, he thanked me for the letter, and out of my whole family he is the one who works the hardest with my name and pronouns.

my parents have about 15 pages of letters saying that. After those they were trying. I guess I could do the reminder letter. might fire it off to them when I go back to school for exams on staturday. I don't like/don't know how to talk about things. It just ends up being very akward silences. And if I give it to them while I'm here I'll have to talk about it. Sending it to them will give them 3 or 4 days to think about things before I'm home again.

Well I went out and picked up the legal name change paperwork. Had to go get fingerprinted.. and the receptionist was like she's out waiting in the lobby, and he's like where? Looking around.. then she comes and points at me. GAH! And seeing the f checked off on the box. *sigh* At least I'm applying for gender change at the same time/ However I have to get a lawyer to notarize this .. and my dad normally does that ->-bleeped-<- for me (so it's free) I really can't afford to pay lawyer fees, the costs around changing my name are already super high. Somehow I'm going to have to get my dad to notarize this or someone from his office.

I also covered over the female part of my name on my stocking. hehehehehe.

BLAH *brain explodes* some days it seems like I'm going against the whole world and feel crushed.

Quote from: Tad on December 16, 2010, 05:08:09 PMBLAH *brain explodes* some days it seems like I'm going against the whole world and feel crushed.

I know, I know...but at least you have us.

You've gotten some great comments here, so I won't reiterate anything in particular. Best wishes for a speedy name change.

I asked my mom about name preferences just before running out the door to the gf's for the evening. She said oh... sounding all dissapointed. Then's she's like shouldn't you wait til youre sure you want to do this? And I'm like yeah i'm pretty sure.. and they know that.  And then she's like well I'll have to think about it, and ask your dad. I'm sure this is going to bring on all the lovely ex gay stuff that I know he's been looking into. Preparing for battle. If it gets bad I'll spend Christmas by myself. I'm sure they aren't going to like the idea of me getting on T in a couple of months either.