Tad, some parents really come around when they see that their kid is serious. Like when he changes his name or, especially, when he has been on T awhile and they would look like fools to call their child "she."

I hope so. I just want holidays to be over so I can go back to my place. But i got another 3 weeks here. *sigh*. Hopefully Dad will come around, however I think he'd be a member of Westboro baptist if we lived there. bahahahahaha.

Anmyhow, enough complaining. I need to find something to do to eleveate me out of this funk. I don't want to be a whiny b.....

Write out your frustrations? That often helps me. Or take up knitting or model airplanes. Volunteer at the soup kitchen.

You really might consider going back to college right after Christmas. You will have fulfilled your familial obligations by then, yes? Or are you hoping to talk to your parents more?

I donno, we'll see. I pretty much only talk to them when I'm at uni/we don't typically talk when I'm at home - for distance reasons - I stress out less, gives dad time to think before he says something completey redic - though he does anyways. I have lots of friends here that I can spread most of my time out with though, likely the better approach.

If you have accepting friends, then spend time with them, by all means. Your parents will need time to adjust; if they're in a difficult stage, you probably shouldn't spend too much time around them right now.

Quote from: Tad on December 16, 2010, 05:08:09 PMBLAH *brain explodes* some days it seems like I'm going against the whole world and feel crushed.

Thirded.

Well i'm home again, for 19 days now if I can survive it. Only seen the parents for all of 10 minutes, and now home along. But the one ex-trans movie had been moved right into my chair. Got to love the subtelty.. thanks dad. I feel stressed just sitting in the house now, like there are bad vibes or something. Blah. Oh well. I CAN survive.

Been home for 7 days now. Found a male name on all the presents from my mom, male name with female spelling from dad aand aunt, and birthname from grandma. Been getting she'd and birthnamed everywhere from everyne that knows, no one is really trying. Got one friend that is trying, he's been pretty good with pronouns, and after spending a day with his mom, she actually used the right pronouns twice. Mom also told me boys can cook too, in reference to my not wanting to cook. However, it's kinda getting me down again, when the rents aren't trying at all in terms of spoken language.

Still no word on a preference on name from them either.


And gah, i don't even know how to begin telling them that I should have T in a Febuaryish or possibly sooner.

Tad, you are the one who has to take the initiative as everyone else will want you to stay a girl.
Get your name changed and tell everyone that you have T lined up in Febdruary and correct them everytime they get things wrong or esle you'll get too stressed out with them.

Get together with your buddies now and plan an Xmas ski trip, or a trip to some Key West resort for next Xmas and just skip all the drama.  Trans persons are not the only ones who think that everyplace, anyplace is better to be than 'home for the holidays.'  The "American Cult of Family" notwithstanding.  But if you do that, you'll find that when you decide to do Xmas 2012 at home they will be working overtime to make it right because they know you have options.

Quote from: Tad on December 28, 2010, 12:19:53 PM
Been home for 7 days now. Found a male name on all the presents from my mom, male name with female spelling from dad aand aunt, and birthname from grandma. Been getting she'd and birthnamed everywhere from everyne that knows, no one is really trying. Got one friend that is trying, he's been pretty good with pronouns, and after spending a day with his mom, she actually used the right pronouns twice. Mom also told me boys can cook too, in reference to my not wanting to cook. However, it's kinda getting me down again, when the rents aren't trying at all in terms of spoken language.

Still no word on a preference on name from them either.


And gah, i don't even know how to begin telling them that I should have T in a Febuaryish or possibly sooner.

OK,so it's not everything you wanted. But it sure sounds like a good start.

Your mom seems especially cool.

Quote from: Erocse on December 16, 2010, 09:08:29 AM
Remember, you are, who you are. Not who they want you to be. I can only imagine how ->-bleeped-<-ty that must make you feel . Family can be so arrogant and inconsiderate sometimes.

I know there is more to it then just a photo, but god dammit you look like one hell of a nice guy. And by your posts that I have read,  I know so!!!

  Keep that manly chin up . And those cool eyes low.

   Hugs to my  brother, Roxy

Yes, i agree with you that it is difficult to talk to parents about that, i guess mother will be more understandable. what do you girls do?

Regards,
Sarahxxxxx

Mom is rather awesome. But then again she'd always suspected this of me anyways. If it was just her I was dealing with there'd be no hassle. Dad on the other hand is one scareh monster, kindly aclled the devil behind his back by some of the good townsfolk.

And Lilac I'm not doing the name until they come to some decision about the name - whether they don't want to be involved or they have a suggestion. Til then, I donno. Call me stubborn, I'll do everything else on my own time... but the name is one thing that I willl give them every oppurtunity to be involved in. I mean I'll start T when I get the oppurtunity to, I'm just scared of Dad's reaction of pushing some kind of ex-trans program onto me.

I used to have pretty major Social Anxiety Disorder, unable to deal with any kind of confrontation at all without hiding out in my room, spiraling into suicidal/deep depression, anxiety, insomnia.. and while transitioning has cleared up almost all of that, alot of fear still lingers around my dad. So it's making this process way harder then it needs to be. I really don't need to be scared of them, and can be rational as to why I don't have to be, but that doesn't take away the fear and stress of dealing with my parents. (Note I tried therapy for 8 months, medications for over a year- and that didn't help in the parents regard either). I love them and most of the time things are great, but gah, this stress and fear of what I see as potential confrontations with the parents.. is not good. And it's not any less when I'm away at school because they have many ways of contacting me- so removing myself from the situation here at home isn't really a fix.

Meanwhile the Girlfriend who is my hugest supporter woke me up last night telling me she had been talking to an individual who had impressed on her the personality changes that can come with T, as well as orientation changes. WHile she knew about all these possibilities before.. she was freaked out, saying she'd need to think about things and get back to me on it. Kinda feels like the world is falling apart.

interesting view I guess. My parents talk to family friends. They have several children. Parents talk to kids, kids tell me what's going on. So Dad apparently talked to the mom ( I knew about this but i had no idea what was said)... anyhow Dad was telling her that he thinks this is all just a phase I will grow out of. This woulda been a month or two ago, however I'm guessing his looking into ex-trans is his thinking he'll need to help me grow out of it. Only got a couple weeks of Christmas Vacation left. Then I'll be back at school, where I feel much freer to communicate with him. (distance works well for me).

Mom on the other hand was talking to their daughter (my age). She was telling her how she felt embarrased for keeping on forgetting about inviting me to grils things, and calling me she, and my name and such. And that she's fine with me being trans. So obviously mom is trying, just failing when it comes down to spoken language. With that reassuarance, I'll bring up the name topic again tomorow if dad ever leaves the house at some point. 

name topic brought up. Mom says she's thinking about it (says she's not sure if dad has been or not). Mom can't come up with anything she likes so far.. I spose it's fair.. I only asked 2 weeks ago. I'll bring up my name choice (Terrence Daniel) and see if she likes it tomorow. If she does it'll just be the trick of finding someone to notarize it other the people who work for my dad.