Quote from: regan on December 21, 2010, 09:03:51 AM
Take nothing I say as being judgemental, but you really need to think carefully about the pathway you choose to follow.  By your own statements, you are essentially saying you have no interest in being a woman socially, only sexually.  That can be achieved through role play.  In order to have GRS, you need to have been living in the role of your target gender for at least a year.  Your word choice makes it sound like you would resign yourself to living as a woman post-GRS, not before.  There again, you are almost saying you would reluctantly be a woman anyways.  "Living as a woman" is somewhat loaded itself, it still implies you're playing a role (aka "role playing").  Only you can know for sure.

I think there is a bit of a misunderstanding here.  I fully understand that one must live as a woman (present as a woman, or whatever you want to call it) full time for one year before you can even get a letter for SRS.  If I get SRS, it would be to make my body match who I am on the inside.  I think you might be reading to much into my wording and what you think I am almost saying.  When I say "living as a woman"  I mean outwardly, so maybe I should have used the word "present." 

I'm letting my hair grow out, but until I can start E and begin to look more feminine, I don't want to start dressing and presenting as a woman, though I am allowing myself to express more femininity than I have before, despite some teasing I get. 

Anyway, thanks for everyone's input and validation.

Quote from: Robertina on December 21, 2010, 09:28:20 PM
I think there is a bit of a misunderstanding here.  I fully understand that one must live as a woman (present as a woman, or whatever you want to call it) full time for one year before you can even get a letter for SRS.  If I get SRS, it would be to make my body match who I am on the inside.  I think you might be reading to much into my wording and what you think I am almost saying.  When I say "living as a woman"  I mean outwardly, so maybe I should have used the word "present." 

I'm letting my hair grow out, but until I can start E and begin to look more feminine, I don't want to start dressing and presenting as a woman, though I am allowing myself to express more femininity than I have before, despite some teasing I get. 

Anyway, thanks for everyone's input and validation.

I have to go against the grain here.

It's not about clothes.

It's not about the body.

It's not about sex.

It's about being whole.

I don't try to be feminine, I'm just being myself.  Whereas you come across as play acting.  I'm sorry but that's how it sounds.  There's a difference between being feminine and being female.  Are you feminine or are you female?

Quote from: Beyond on December 22, 2010, 12:25:56 AM
It's about being whole.

I don't try to be feminine, I'm just being myself.  Whereas you come across as play acting.  I'm sorry but that's how it sounds.  There's a difference between being feminine and being female.  Are you feminine or are you female?

Yes.  For the love of all that is holy, yes.  This cannot be said too many times.  It is always about being how you feel.

Quote from: Dee_pntx on December 18, 2010, 09:52:11 PM
I plan to just put a towel on the bed underneath when I have sex post-op then shower after.  He can like it or not, but any man I have sex with is going to wear a condom, period.

Even in the unlikely case that I find a long term partner and I know for 100% certain that he is disease free, I may, may allow him to not use a condom and I'll still shower after and clean myself out.

Still, I would rather wash a little cum out of my girl parts than have the mess of anal sex.  I like anal sex (I bottom only) but it's in a  disgustingly filthy place and if a guy does me we are BOTH going straight to the shower after to clean up, period.  And it don't happen without a condom, ever. 

I can't wait to never have to do it that way again.  Sure it feels good but it's soooo filthy and gross.
By summer time I should be healed up and good to go.  And there will only me two holes available, not three and neither of the two will be the back door.

I'm right there with you on anal. It feels great, and it's naughty and all that kinky goodness, but I don't want to be kinky all the time. I just want a vag so I can power bottom girls and guys and not feel gross when I'm done : )

Quote from: tekla on December 20, 2010, 10:54:25 AM
Tragically, about the only way you get to be that thin, and stay that thin, is by overusing the gym.

Nah. many of us are just blessed by nature. I know women who never lift a finger to burn calories and are tiny. Though that's more common in the pre-30 crowd than in the older among us.

I think it stops (without artificial encouragement: i.e. constant exercise) to go away about 25, it's just by 30 you start noticing that in the race between you and the cheesecakes the cheesecakes seem to be catching up. If not moving out front even.

Quote from: Beyond on December 22, 2010, 12:25:56 AM
I don't try to be feminine, I'm just being myself.  Whereas you come across as play acting.  I'm sorry but that's how it sounds.  There's a difference between being feminine and being female.  Are you feminine or are you female?

I still don't understand the play acting / role playing comments.  I'm only trying to understand and be myself, not something I am not.  The problem is that for decades I have had to pretend to be someone that I am not, so long, that one can't start to believe the lie.  After spending so many years lying to myself and everyone else, it takes some time to learn who I really am and express myself naturally - the right circumstances also have something to do with it. 

I get it Robertina, I just think some of it is lost in translation.

I think I understand how you feel.  I want SRS more than anything really.  I don't want to have to pretend it's not there if I'm to be involved with someone sexually.  So as far as that aspect goes I haven't completely crossed the ocean of transition.

The "ocean of transition" is an analogy I came up with to describe the process.  There are two continents on either side, The Male Alliance and The Confederation of Females.  For the longest time I was stuck in the alliance wanting to get to the other side because that's where I belong.  And without SRS I'm still treading water off the shores of the Confederation of Females.  Now being in close proximity to it's shores grants me female status as far as everyone is concerned but I'm still not completely there.  I want to actually walk on the sandy beaches instead of imagining I'm there and I think you're in the same boat as I am.  Well actually you might be in a boat and well on your way, I've got the sharks circling waiting for me to drown.

I'm of the opinion that being feminine and being female don't necessarily go hand in hand.  I understand what it's like to want to be completely female.  It's nice to be accepted as one socially but one can't function as one in every aspect without the proper equipment.  The proper tools really do make a difference.  Have you ever tried to remove a  rusted on muffler with only an 8" crescent wrench and a jack to raise a single wheel so you can crawl under the car?  Yeah, not having the proper equipment for a job is a royal pain in the ass.

Maddie, in just my own experience i used to feel that way too pre SRS. Yet now at this stage of my life, i feel like i am on that island and i FEEL female...yet at the same time i dont feel like my transition is complete. Nor do i feel that satisfaction that i thought i would feel...that feeling of...omg i did it...it's over....i am done transitioning.
I know that the experience differs on a wide range among different people, and yes some girls DO feel like their journey is over with. And they are happy living life as any ordinary female.

But my point is that sometimes i get lingering feelings of wanting to be a guy again, i remember after i had my surgery i just started panicking because i didnt have my penis anymore. I thought...omg i made a mistake. Even till this day sometimes i would crossdress wearing my boyfriends clothing when he is away at work and i would be so happy feeling like a "guy" again. So the truth of that matter is, is that if nothing is ever sorted out completely "upstairs" then no matter what you change down there...you can never be satisfied.

I wish i would have listened to my heart and waited several more years to get the SRS, because i should have dealt with my emotional problems first and accept myself before jumping the gun.

For most I guess, that several years is a necessity due to the price tag.  And to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'll ever be finished transitioning.  I don't want to be a generic girl and I certainly wouldn't change my past even if I could.  I like pointing across the ocean to the Male Alliance and saying, "Did you know I swam over from there?"  Does it mean I want a penis?  Heck no.  Get it off of me asap.

I may be wrong, but Pam has just had a bad breakup with her BF.

When she feels better she might be a lottle more optimistic.

What do you say Pam?

Quote from: spacial on December 23, 2010, 12:17:49 PM
I may be wrong, but Pam has just had a bad breakup with her BF.

When she feels better she might be a lottle more optimistic.

What do you say Pam?

i didnt mean to come off as pessimistic loll, but i would be lying if i said that the last few days have been the greatest time of the year. Things have been really really really depressing for me. but coming back here has made me feel a whole ton better. thanks <3

Quote from: Dee_pntx on December 23, 2010, 11:47:37 AM
So much for the screening process eh?

LOL...i was very overeager to get that SRS that i didnt even think about it logically. i did tell them the truth that i knew i wanted to be a girl since the day i started walking =]

What a long thread, I don't read all the threads, I just don't have time, its busy for a housewife at Christmas.
I think your genuine Robertine, your choice of words certainly didn't offend me, my Husband uses that word in a complementary sort of way, awesome pussy he calls mine lol
It is a complicated journey, I certainly never wanted to be attracted to guys pre transition, but that all changed well into transition,  it took me 12years of transition before I finally had srs

Quote from: KillBelle on December 23, 2010, 03:31:34 PM
LOL...i was very overeager to get that SRS that i didnt even think about it logically. i did tell them the truth that i knew i wanted to be a girl since the day i started walking =]

I certainly wasn't overeager, but it had to happen as I just about had every other surgery, it got to the stage my Mother would no longer support my transition unless I had srs, after 12 years I was just glad it was all over and my transition was complete, its not even about sex, I get more out of pleasing my Husband as a woman, than pleasing myself, maybe that love.
But the main thing for me, I now feel complete as a woman.

p

"I wouldn't change my past if i could"

Oh I would!

With respect to the whole business of changing the course of my history (in regards to kids and such) if i could travel back in time and give my mom a shot or something that would have had me born fully female, I would SO do it.

Even better than that - if I could step out of this body and into the body of a girl of, say, 14, and live out a "normal" female life then I'd HAVE to do it.

One thing I think I'll miss, even if I "finish" transition, is having a "female past"

That whole body of experience from teen crushes to going to the prom to looking good in a bikini (I know, not all young girls do and I'd probably have been a fat chick anyway but still...) to picking out a wedding dress to being pregnant and on and on and on.

Maybe I'm wrong and once I'm "made whole" I won't care but I wonder...

Why is it that everyone thinks that if they could go back it would have been that picture perfect deal.  I always asked my students if they could travel back in time where would they want to go and the overwhelming response was always the "Age of Chivalry" (or as Christians know it, the Middle Ages, or as the rest of us call it, The Dark Ages) and it was always that they would have been the king, queen, princess, knight (that's a Dark Age term for 'thug' or, more professionally "hired killer").  But the reality is that 99.9999% of the people in that time were peasants, or worse.

So, given that, how many of the 'normal' girls where you grew up were pregnant at 14, bloated by 15, and living with some guy who beat them in the double-wide where the other residents of the trailer parks' definition of 'total mass confusion' was Father's Day at your place?

I mean, if you only change one thing, then you've only changed one thing.  If you were the smartest kid in the class as a boy, then for sure that would have been true if you were a girl.  If I had been born a girl would I not still be a PhD, and a superior mechanic too?  Sure, I might have had to work harder to prove the second, but the first would have been a given.

Looking back I'm glad everything happened the way it did.  Have you seen the way teenage girls treat each other?  There's the "queen bee" and she psychologically manipulates all the other girls into shunning anyone for not following the crowd.  I want no part of that, thank you very much.  I know boys have their own form of bullying but that's physical and thanks to me being athletic I didn't really have to worry about that much.

If I had a "normal" past I probably wouldn't be as assertive as I am today for fear of being called a bitch.  But when you're a guy, you just know what you want and it's actually encouraged.  So a lot of good came from it.  Yes it has it's drawbacks such as having to correct a few issues but I wouldn't change it even if the technology were available to do so.

Well even when you're trying to swim your way to the women's continent, you still have to contend with some artillery fire.

QuoteWhy is it that everyone thinks that if they could go back it would have been that picture perfect deal.

Can't speak for others but I've no illusion that anythng would be perfect.

Being female wouldn't have suddenly cured me of the tendency to be too heavy, to have to wear glasses, to be a bit homely and a bit of a bookworm.

I have no illusions that I'd have somehow been the homecoming queen.

Wanting it to be "right" is not an assumption it would have been "perfect"