There has been some skepticism to the validity of my 'transness' from a member of this website.  This person has, multiple times; called me out on a public thread, begging me to think about the decision I was making, written blogs referring to me, and sent me personal messages, questioning my identity.

I have also made a few posts in the last three months, where I mention dysphoria, and cutting.  Yes, I cut, yes, I cut because of my dysphoria, but maybe this hasn't been made clear enough.  I have never felt happier in my life, never felt more comfortable in my skin, never felt more confident, never felt more secure in my appearance, never felt more calm and at ease.  Starting testosterone has made me happier for the better.  I feel stronger, I feel more like I should be.  Maybe I should have made a few posts talking about it so that everyone would be clear on that.

Yes, I still cut sometimes.  Why? because testosterone isnt some magical rainbow potion that cures everything.  I am still trans, I will always be, and that is something I will come to terms with at some point.  Transition doesn't end when you get your first shot, and neither does dysphoria or any of the other related feelings and emotions.

I know this was the right decision for me, sure I may have had my doubts in the beginning, but who doesn't? it is the natural process of any transgender individual, and it is the natural process of anyone who is figuring out just exactly who they are.

I don't know if you are reading this, if you are, then you know who I am referring to.  To be blunt and honest, you don't know me, no matter how much I remind you, of you.  You cannot determine my gender from the posts I make here on susans.  You can however look to the left of this text and look underneath my picture, its a little blue symbol.  I am sorry that you cannot grasp that, but that is who I am, and I am happier every day that I am on testosterone.

Also, to anyone reading this, like I said above, all of your problems do not fix themselves when you get your first shot of T.  But I can assure you that you will feel much more confident, and comfortable in your skin, as each day/ week/ month goes by.

you should just tell a moderator about them. or report it? that's bs to hound someone like that especially writing blogs about you? wth? I'd be really mad about that.

ive notified a mod, no word back yet

Sorry you're having to deal with people, but I'm glad to hear how much T is helping.

Elijah, yes we are aware of this person.  Continue to pass on any info you get.

Elijah, that sounds creepy.  If it's any comfort, I don't think you should take that person's words personally or seriously.  This sounds like the behavior of a troubled individual who has picked a random target for a misguided attempt to express concerns about their own life.  I hope they soon face reality, get the help that they need, and stop bothering you.

I was pretty sure I knew who you were talking about.  I went over to their blog and sure enough, there is was.  Wow.

Enough is enough.

Elijah, I'm glad you're happier now.

You know what?  Everyone does not like you.  Never have.  Never will.

The more successful you are, the more people there will be who seem to dislike you.  Success is like that.  Someone once interviewed Jerry Garcia and asked why it was that the Grateful Dead had two to three times more negative reviews than any other band."  Jerry said: "That's easy, we've done three times as many shows as other bands have."  There you have it.

Blow it off.  If you feel it's right, then it's yours to have to deal with, good and bad.

Ughhhhhhh, the WORST types of people are those who think they know more about you and what's good for you than you know about yourself. Not only is this bad enough if this is someone you know in real life, but this is an INTERNET forum. This person has probably never met you. What would make them think that they know what you need in your life more than you do? The gall that some people have absolutely baffles me. I'm very sorry that you have to put up with this BS. I wish you the best!

My God- is she bothering people again?!

Quote from: Elijah on December 23, 2010, 10:38:51 PM...testosterone isnt some magical rainbow potion that cures everything.  I am still trans, I will always be, and that is something I will come to terms with at some point. Transition doesn't end when you get your first shot, and neither does dysphoria or any of the other related feelings and emotions.

Truer words have never been spoken. Transition is a wonderful time and a hellish time.

You know yourself better than anyone else. People who think they know you better than yourself are foolish and should be dismissed. Ignore her ignorance assumptions.

I can't believe she's still hounding you about this... uh... at least she used male pronouns? Dirt and her fanatical allies wouldn't have done as much.

T isn't a magical potion, you're right. Its effect on me has been to stop my self destructive behaviour, because this is no longer a detached body to me, even if it's not supposed to be what it is. I've claimed it now, and now that it's mine I'm not about to hurt myself. But everyone's self harm is differently motivated, and it would be presumptuous of me to assume that what can happen will happen to everyone in similar circumstances. It would be presumptuous of anyone to claim they know what causes it or can stop it in someone other than themselves.

I can't beleive that someone would have the unmitigated gall to say these things too you dude.

Anyone who thinks Eli is messing up needs to go look at his videos pre T and compare them to post T.
Look at his eyes, they tell the real story.

Before T it is obvious Eli is having a hard time just holding on, now he is on T it is obvious he is doing much better. Personaly I could care less if anyone is properly trans or not. If hormones can adjust someone and help them live a more fullfiling life then so be it.

That blog was crazy. It's obvious from your videos that you are much happier. I can't believe that screenshot was used. Ugh, I'm sorry man.

Quote from: cynthialee on December 24, 2010, 10:33:20 AM
Personaly I could care less if anyone is properly trans or not. If hormones can adjust someone and help them live a more fullfiling life then so be it.

I agree with this completely.

Personally, what I observed is ...

Prior to T ... your worry/concern/doubts I would attribute to someone forced to live in a gender that isn't them ... low self esteem from years of disphoria.

Now, that you are taking T what I observe you becoming more confident , happier ... and enjoying yourself.  Your super excited about all your changes ... your becoming what you know you should be .. a man!

Let those who doubt you do that....the only person you need to be true to is you .. and that person needs to be true to herself.

Quote from: cynthialee on December 24, 2010, 10:33:20 AMPersonaly I could care less if anyone is properly trans or not. If hormones can adjust someone and help them live a more fullfiling life then so be it.

This.

"Susan's Place is a steaming pile of crap, pure and simple: it reinforces dysphoria, it paints every trans-dissenting person as someone to get rid of (no matter if that person is, say, your own mother or father, or friend: it's a sad thing but the 'leave them, they don't know the REAL YOU and never will' response was echoed by many), it leads many questioning, confused kids to think they are trans while they are not "

Lovely, huh?

I think what "this person" fails to realize is that someone who is questioning their gender or who has decided they are trans often gets very little support in their lives. A place like Susan's may be the only place where someone says a kind word to them, makes them feel okay, makes them feel like they are liked or even loved (or even can be) ... This isn't a place to tear people down - to make them even more confused and hurt than what they already often feel in their normal every day lives. I wonder how many people Susan's has saved from giving up the fight all together?

Some people just don't "get it" and never will.

Elijah, if what you're now doing is making you feel great, then that is what is important. F**k this person who's still trying to tear you down because of her own misguided crusade.

I'm sorry you're still getting crap from people.  It's really quite ridiculous.  If they're so blind that they can't understand simple words like you've just spoken, that's just sad.  I'm glad you're feeling better!

I wouldn't be surprised if Bluetraveler decided to transition at some point in the future. (S)he has, for whatever reason. identified quite strongly with Elijah. I wonder if maybe the anger and nastiness being directed at Elijah is just jealousy and bitterness that Elijah had the balls to go ahead but Bluetraveler didn't. It could be a case of 'that might have been me'.

I may well be way off the mark, but reading that blog just looks like a very angry, frustrated person venting.

I liked the part where she made the weird analogy about trans people and Nazi Germany, and then Dirt came along to agree with her and give her a thumbs up. I also like how the whole 'you can't call parts of your body by 'childish' names' thing came up on the blog. Now what will I call my junk!? (Can you feel the sarcasm?)

In all seriousness though, keep on doing what's right for you. I'm glad testosterone was a good choice for you, and I'm glad that you did what was necessary for yourself despite the nay-sayers.