Hi, i need some help from all you knowlageable wonderful people... i want to tell my parents, thier pretty much the last people to know, mainly out of my fear of rejection. I think my mum could accept, but not sure about my dad. And when i told my sister over the summer, she went crazy and flipped out being all religeous (shes 17 ffs) now i need some ideas, or ways i could do this, with minimal damage :S most of my friends i told were accepting, although 6 who i lived with, decided one day (after they imagined i tried to comit suicide [i didnt]) kicked me out of the house... tho i found a place in university halls, ive been set back by that and my sister, and i need, for my sanity, to tell my parents before i go back to uni, so i can finally stop hideing the changes, and who i am
any help is apreciated greatly!

Write a short letter to them stressing that this is something you have to do otherwise you'll go out of your head, tell them how unhappy you are at the moment, leave it at home or post it to them just before you go back Uni.

Don't go into long explanations about what a TS is or what is involved at this stage... Then turn your phone off or screen calls for a few days so they can't bother you immediately; give them a while to digest it.

Trust me; although rejection is possible, hiding it from them and from yourself for the rest of your life is impossible. Your sister is irrelevant to this process. If she cared for you, she'd see past her own prejudices.

I'm sure people here will help you with that letter.

Dear Rachael
My name is Denise Holliday and I am a post-op transwoman. I went through your heartbreak period back in 1997. I agree with Stormy Weather that a letter is a good idea. Some will claim it is a cowards way and despite all the advice you may get from various sources;No-One can tell you the right way to do this.
However there are some tried and true ways of make this worse for everyone and so I will try to give some hints to avoid pitfalls.

If your parents have no idea ( you may be surprised ) then a letter does several things.
It allows you to control exactly how you phrase the explanation. It removes the immediate opportunity for a free for all mudslinging match to take place.
A letter can be read several times and each time it is read they will remember more of what you have written. Believe me when I tell you that if they have no clue yet, then they are not likely to remember too much of what you wrote.
Another thing to consider is please do not put any photographs or pictures in with your letter. They will have enough problems handling their own demons without visual help.
A letter to each one or a joint letter are also options to consider. If you really think your mother could be supportive then perhaps you should consider approaching her first. Wives/Mothers are amazing at understanding and resolving issues.
As for turning your phone off, that must be a personal decision. With some immediately talking opens doors and with others early contact is in the form of panic and anger. Only you can decide what is likely to happen.
It would be good if you have a family doctor and/or therapist's  that you can add to your letter as a contact for information.
You mention your sister is religious. That could be a toughie. Is your parents the same and what exactly is your background. Is there someone spiritually speaking that can assist you. My parents had no time for anyone who was involved  as a church worker.
If they email you then perhaps limiting your contact to emails would allow a controlled level of communication. You never mentioned your age or how long you have lived away from home or even how far you are from home. Their immediate reaction will likely be to attempt to contact you in some manner.

Feel free to contact me if all you need is a friendly sounding board. My web site link is listed at end of my note and I am on MSN under denisesined. My email is denisesined@ns.sympatico.ca .
My webpage has my personal story and articles that I have written in the past and I am fully public and out there.

Your story raises emotional memories of when I was where you are.
I wish you the best for the future.

Regards

Denise

Maritime Transgendered Workplace Solutions Project
Web: http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/winpapernews
Events Calendar: http://www.localendar.com/public/MTWSP
"Knowledge is power that used wisely creates harmony"
                           Denise   2001

Hi Rachael
An after thought, what ever you decide be sure to try and avoid comments regarding your sister's reactions.
It will only distract from your main purpose.

Regards

Denise

well i think they might have some idea.... as they asked my sister if i was 'changeing sex' over the summer, she said not... dunno. but i know my mum suspects, so it could be a safe port of call to just talk to her...

Hi Racheal
Sounds like a crack in the door and slow but firm approach may have it's benifits.

When I first transitioned I amde the mistake of thinking because people said something it meant what I heard, not what yjey said. Even if they are supportive, tread slowly. It took along time to get where you are and it may take a short time for others to catch up.

By the way, I did see your intro and if you have not been to my site then allow me to tell you I am actually from Sunderland in County Durham, GB. My spouse of 35 years plus is a Manchester girl and we have three grown kids. One is british born and the other two are canadian. We now live in Nova Scotia Canada.

I was just talking to my brother in Sunderland moments ago. It was only weeks ago that we first talked since I transitioned. It was a wonderful experience for me but it was a long wait. A lot of my family have been very supportive but still it takes time to get used to someone being a different gender.

Best wishes

Denise

Right, its letter time, ive decided, im too chicken to do it upfront...
so any ideas?