Yay.. more of this. letter I got tonight.
So I finally am getting around to responding, I was hoping to do this much sooner. And I completely agree with you that this is before you and God in the decision process. I am simply honored that you are allowing me to at least see and respond to it. So thank you.
A contextual reason for why I find myself coming to a different conclusion from you Old Testament passages is a result of the deity and purpose I place on the scriptural mandates given to the Jews. I don't believe it was patriarchal and wealth motivated. It is simply that I believe that they (and we) serve a holy God. As ambassadors of His, God chose to set us a part. (This is a well repeated them, especially in Isaiah where God mourns the fact that they have become like the other nations). In His setting us a part, the lifestyle with which He calls us is higher than one which we can meet, simply so that He can provide for our need in that. (Does that make sense? God sets it so high that He has to be God in order for us to be able to live as He has called us to). So His mandate to the Jews was so that He could be their God and provide for them.
As a set part (hear ambassadors) it does not make us better or worse, it simply calls us to live rightly. For the Jews this had to be radical enough that they could understand that. Hence the standards that were set. But I also think these standards speak to the fact that God is holy. Because He is so holy nothing but the blood of His Son could cover even the smallest infraction. And thus we see our utter depravity and His utter desire to redeem us out of that depravity. Instead of a patriarchal or evil/selfish intention it is simply to make visible our complete dependence on God. Something we as humans resist the most of anything we ever have to hear. Hence also why I think nailing the reason for actions and standards to other reasons is so appealing (such as blaming the rules and regulations on the need for wealth and a patriarchal system).
Also I believe that the contradictions in Scripture serve to show a paradoxical statement. Either/Or statements are not the answer, it is not one and it is not the other because there is a paradox that shines through the tension the two opposing statements make. Typically this message has something to do with the heart not just the actions being right before God. So time does not erode God's message, and because He is timeless He is able to stretch across all of our existence with an unfailing message of love and hope in His salvation.
And in present day Jewish practices it is no where near strange to wear tassles on the clothes. Their obsession with following the OT rules is quite severe in the more conservative arenas.
I have also always understood the reference to eunuchs to be those who were unable to reproduce or have sexual intercourse or chose a lifestyle that did not include that (i.e. monks). Granted I haven't taken the time to study this in depth but there is a huge difference in my mind from refraining to reproduce (or being forced to) and choosing to actively change one's gender. Also, removing the foreskin and changing a lifestyle are two different actions. The stretch in my mind to put them in the same camp is too far to make any real connection. Maybe its because I did not follow what you were saying but I didn't find myself confused about what you were saying.
Also the passage from Mark needs to be taken into context. The structure of the passage is meant to be an exaggeration. Although there are other places where a radical statement is literal, this passage was in reference to a specific problem He was addressing. And that is that He was dealing with complacent people. How better to wake someone out of apathy than to make a dramatic statement.
And also I find myself struggling to find the logical progression in the steep slope from gender modification to corrective lenses. There is something so different in my mind from enhancing something to modifying something. Granted some things that enhancify I find difficult to justify but that is because I see a heart issue in what is going on. But nevertheless, the point still stands that the two – gender modification and corrective lenses - are categorically different.
You are absolutely right in pointing out that God does look at the heart. And I am going to make a general statement that I believe that a lot of our problems comes from the fact that our heart wants to be the hero. In today's society gays, lesbians, and transgenders are heroes. A lot of things are glorified, especially the martyred state of transgenders, gays, etc. And so we seek after these things, especially the desire to be our own savior. I believe that feeling the freedom and choice to make changes to our gender or our orientation allows us to feel a sense of being our own savior. And our hearts desire is for those things that we have been taught to seek after, which all of North America is being taught right now to be their own god. But God does look at our heart and sees what it is that we are seeking out. Its a higher standard not a lower standard than having right actions. I know I am saying the exact opposite of what just about any major organization, even Christian, is saying right now, but that is because they are motivated by dollars and appeal, where as for now I have not succumbed to that (there are other things that I have succumbed to, but not that yet, by God's grace). Or a better way to put it is the "come as you are"/"be who you are" gets more numbers and prestige, not actual and authentic loyalty, especially in Christianity.
Please don't feel judged when I say all this. I only share so that you can better understand why I will always see you as Terri Anne. God made you beautiful in His eyes the first time. And to recreate yourself seems to leave you to yourself. I do not deny the struggle you have and the temptations you face now. I have recently come to understand the strength and magnitude of emotions, feelings and thoughts. I have never faced temptations so strong as when Kyle and I started dating and there are things that we have both had to repent of. I tend to be a pretty rational person, so to not be able to control away the desires is difficult for me. I am constantly reminded of my depravity and how much I am failing God, but I have to also trust that He will be my savior in all of this. So please don't hear either a belittling of your struggle. I also have been learning what it means to trust someone enough to let them lead. Which means I've been learning not to wear the pants in Kyle's and my relationship. He gently is present and I am learning to trust that. I feel that this is often the situation for us as individuals as we struggle to feel safe in this world. Why do I say all that? Because I honestly have to wonder if people do not go so far in their searching for safety as to change genders because it feels more right and safe. Tell me if I you disagree, but that is what I think.
Now that I have spilled my gut thoughts, hopefully they can be constructive not destructive to you. Love you dearly. (name)
My response:
The OT references were more a show that we as Christians do not follow them, we are free from the old laws. We eat shrimp and lobster, we have mixed blend clothing, we plant more then two types of seeds in a single feild and we don't consider it sin or whatever. Sure the more strict Jews still follow these laws, because that is still their religion/calling. (Note that many Jews do/have for a long time accepted trans but not homosexuality - they are completely seperate issues and should not be discussed in the same context at all.)
Like I said those were not my translations - however most of them were similar to what I've grown to understand in my own faith. It was one of many formal pieces written on trans issues by ministers.
You also need to understand that this is not changing one's gender. Sex and Gender are two very seperate things. Sex is the physical characteristics you are born with - whether you are born male, female, or one of the 1%+ born with ambiguous genitals. Gender is what one internally feels. Science points to it being hugely influenced during the natal environment and being permanently set between 18-30 months - hence why Transgender individuals can often be identified by age 2 or 3.
Sure there are many variations in the gender spectrum, and most people would never even consider thinking about gender because their gender alines with what is expected of their sex. However when gender and sex severely conflict - that`s where ->-bleeped-<- comes up. It`s kind of hard to explain what it feels like. But I guess I`ll try and explain how this feels. Your gender identity is a hugggeee part of your identity. Most people don`t realize this because this does not cause conflict. However when your identity is in conflict with your body - that causes alot of issues. It causes self loathing, fear of others and how they percieve you (eg as your sex not your gender)... honestly my life in the past felt like wearing a mask and having to lie about who I was to the world. Having to hide away who you are in the core is not an easy task which would explain the suicide attempt rate at 50% for transgender people before transitioning and close to 0% after. From my understanding God makes us as individuals - as in our consciousness (identity of who we are in many realms), the body is just a package that houses this person that God has made, and that this package is often less then perfect. Many people are born with things that are less then perfect, they are born intersexed, or with poor vision, or missing a leg, or born so mangled that they do not survive. However, giving these people a shot at living a normal life, getting them prosthetics, repairitive surgeries etc. does not change who they are as an individual - it just gives them a better quality life. I have to say the same when it comes to my issue - I don`t see much of a difference - there is me, and I come inside some packaging - a human body. If the packaging is a bit screwed up - what`s the harm in fixing that. It isn`t changing who I am as an individual. It`s just freeing me up to be who I always have been. In my own opinion, Terri-Anne the person has never existed, other then a fake persona thrown up to try and fit in with society. It was a lie, a sham, not much more. Something thrown on to try and protect myself from the wrath and disproval of others. But between me and God, I don`t think I was ever Terri-Anne, I was just me - the person who I have always been deep down inside.
I can`t even really identify with your - being your own saviour point. I very much disliked Gays/Lesbians/Trans etc. even in past deciding to transition myself. I viewed them as sinners, as freaks. I've only grown to accept trans people through realizing that I was condemning myself in the process. I don't know where you are from that gays are seen as heros - because here most people still hate them. And honestly I still can't say whether homosexuality is okay with God or not. It's not something that I have had to struggle with. However I have to think it is okay with God, because it is not a choice. Even the largest Ex-Gay Christian programs like Exodous and Narth will tell you that. Take a look at their sites. Whle they believe that all this stuff is very wrong, they say that orientation and gender identity is not a choice, and that they cannot change it. All they can do is teach you to repress it and deny your nature. They say that the most successful way to do this is to avoid any situations that will bring up these issues, and get married - even if the marriage is just to try and live properly and not out of love. They often end up being people just survivng, not particularliy happy. Then if you look at their statistics - they brag when they are able to claim a 10% success rate. Then you look at their leaders - most of them are ex-gays, ex-trans - and most of them have to leave after a few years because they themselves cannot even handle trying to repress who they are. Many of them become ex-ex gays and ex-ex trans, or kill themselves, etc. I don't know why I am saying all of this, but if this was something that God wanted individuals to overcome - I would think that it would be a more impossible task. Rather it seems that the only possible outcome is living in a repressed state - which isn't really being true to yourself, to others, and perhaps to God. I had to struggle through all this with God, and while I can't say what I believe about homosexuality as that isn't really an issue I have to deal with, i can say that between me and God this is okay. God made me who I am, as an individual I am his creation. The packaging that I came in was less then perfect, and in seeking to solve this and find a solution - my faith is only becoming stronger.
Trying to continue the sham of living as a female and trying to fit in as one would be living a lie. Not showing the world who God created me to be. Not allowing me to be me.. probably would be the cause of my death in a few months few years, because it's way to hard to continue to repress such issues. I am a surviver, but this seems to be an issue that would destroy me if not dealt with. Is this recreating myself? I really don't think so. perhaps in societies eyes it is and in your own eyes it is - because oh I'm changing my name, and my physical appearance will change a bit, however it is not changing the essential me - who God created me as.
Now I think that I can understand some of your fears - I think that depending on what certain body modifications mean- tatooeing, piercings, surgeries, sex change, etc. it could be something God has offence with. It just depends on what these actions are a result of, what the real meaning is behind them. If the intent is to take control, to prove something, to worship another god, then yeah - it is wrong. But I can't say that on my fact it is any of those. It's just modifications on the outside to reflect who is on the inside. It's a fix of the packaging.
I really can't expect you to understand, I don't think anyone can even begin to understand unles they have to deal with an issue like this themselves. I've had problems with certain sins in the past - and this kind of issue isn't even remotely the same in terms of emotions, thinking processes etc. (though I don't see this as sin... and between me and God this isn't from what I've grown to understand over time, so I can't really compare them anyways).
Gah. This is difficult. I know eventually I'll have to give up on trying to make people understand, but I figure everyone gets one free attempt at trying it. Thoughts, opinions, better ways I could have explained this?