Hi...

I'm litterally about to just shutdown from stress... My hair is falling out, I've chewed my lip so much that scar tissue has built up, I've struggled all day to keep from just laying on the floor and staring at the wall and just shutting down completly...

All my stress is coming from my mom!!! She has a worn out hip, and she is driving me nuts about it!!!

Ever since her hip started hurting, everything is about her... Last week I was sick and felt like throwing up, and when I mentioned it to her she said "Oh sorry... But my hip hurts too ya know..."

She is not even considering that someone else in the house may have problems!!

I don't doubt that she is in pain... She was carted of to the ER 4 times this year cuz of her hip... And i feel bad for her... But she has been hurting phsically for a few months... I've been hurting emotionally for 16 years and noone ever pitys me or cares about how I'm feeling!! I just recently beat a small drug addiction that she knows nothing about, cuz i didnt want her to worry!! I was trying to get so stoned out of my kind that i didnt know who i was anymore and could forget everything for just a few minutes!!! But oh no, lets not forget HER F***ING HIP!!!

To make it worse, a few minutes ago, she got out of bed, walked without a cane, walker, or wheelchair all the way to my room, and started yelling at me!!! The woman screams everytime she moves the least little bit, yet can magically get out of bed quietly and walk all the to my room unassisted without so much as a single sound?!

She has been nagging me all day, making me get up and do stuff for her, driving me INSANE!!! 

I'm honestly not sure how much more I can handle before I litterally just breakdown and close myself up in my head and black out...

Chronic physical pain causes depression, anxiety, and really screws with your sleep patterns all of which create major personality changes.

OMG!!! its really sad to hear something like that... I know people tend to be very selfish and self-centered and its even more difficult when its someone close to you ... I can really understand what you are going through..

I would also like to congratulate you for kicking that addition ... and hope you are able to keep away from it...

In times like these it is important to remember that we are human too and love ourselves for who we are ...
for example the fact that you have kicked that drug addiction and faced suffering emotionally for 16 years tell me you are a brave person!

Before we start to expect love and kindness from others we must first give that to ourselves only then we can be happy...

So try to remember that you are a good person and love yourself for who you are...

:::: big hug ::::

Just like Tekla says, that is probably the reason for the problems. Try to remind yourself of what she is like when she doesn;t have a sore hip, I;m sure she wasn't always like she is now, and she won't always be like that permanently. 

But she's always been like that!!! Just a lot more so lately!!

Mostly I'm just tired of her ignoring the fact that I have horrible horrible depression... I get that her hip hurts, but I've seriously considered suicide all week!! I'm litterally on the brink of doing something bad to myself and noone in the house cares at all...

Also, i hate myself... Alot... I'm a terrible person, and honestly believe im a mistake or something...

I could probably write a 1 page list of all my problems!!

I'm adhd, ocd, have severe paranoia, I'm germaphobic, cant use public restrooms, shake hands, touch other people, touch my own skin if i'm dirty, i have to skip steps going up stairs, takes me 45 minutes to arrange my blankets and sheets correctly at night or I can't sleep, doorknobs on doors that open to the outdoors cannot be visible, windows must be covered, doors must be locked, people cant sit certain ways, i have to repeatedly do certain actions, i obsess over unimportant stuff, overreact to everything, can stand to be looked in the eye, cant touch feet including my own, cant use soap or towels after anyone, have a crippling fear of all insects, sleep with an axe and a gun cuz I think peoplewill kill me in my sleep, i think everyone stares at me...


This list could go on forever...

you need some therapy or at least some pills.  go see your doctor.

Has your mother had a hip replacement?
If not, sounds like she needs one ASAP.  My late father-in-law was constantly complaining until we all told him to shut up and get it fixed every time he started to whinge. Walking away when they start, is another option. Maybe even threatening to leave her might be needed.

You have beaten an addiction, so you have shown you can cope with difficulties.  This is just another speed bump on the highway, so don't stop because of it.

Stop ignoring your own needs, you have a depression please take care of it ! You need some help, a psychiatrist might do some good, as much as I don't like pills it sounds like you'll benefit from being more relaxed .

Sounds like your mom is both self centered and needs a new hip, can't help with the self center attitude. Just hang in there, your not alone, I had to beat months of verbal abuse because of a hyperactive thyroid. When people don't necessarily see anything wrong with someone (eta; like a broken leg) they presume their problems are worse, and some of them happily sh*t on other people heads ...

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on December 28, 2010, 12:22:05 AM

To make it worse, a few minutes ago, she got out of bed, walked without a cane, walker, or wheelchair all the way to my room, and started yelling at me!!! The woman screams everytime she moves the least little bit, yet can magically get out of bed quietly and walk all the to my room unassisted without so much as a single sound?!

Without even meeting you I can add, with some certainty, a few more. Continually critical. Mood changes frequently, for no reason. Tries to stop you going out of th house. Talks down to you in front of strangers. Portrays herself as a victim.

Your mom's the one with the illness. She's dragging you down. It does't matter what age you are, this is child abuse.

The symptoms you describe in yourself, are a shattered self conficence.

However you do it, you must get out of there. Walk away, don't look back

Hi Ashleyjadism,

I am sorry that you are feeling bad and your Mom is inconsiderate. Can you leave for awhile? If you can't go far maybe plan a day in town focusing on things that make you feel nice. What is it that makes you smile? Bundle up and take a walk in the park. Go out for hot chocolate and watch other people. Practice smiling. The simple act of smiling makes you feel good. Bring bread and feed the birds.

As Aikotribs said, "Stop ignoring your own needs." You have to take time to feel nice about yourself. Conciously take step no matter how small to do things that please you. A hot bath with music. 


It is good that you beat your addiction. A very positive step for your life. Thank you for sharing that. It does matter. It matters to us at Susan's who have beat addictions, or are hoping to. I quit drinking in May 2009. This is a milestone to be proud of.

I don't know you but maybe Spacial is right.


Hope this day is better.
~ Big Hugs~
Mrs Erocse

Quote from: spacial on December 28, 2010, 07:21:18 AM
Without even meeting you I can add, with some certainty, a few more. Continually critical. Mood changes frequently, for no reason. Tries to stop you going out of th house. Talks down to you in front of strangers. Portrays herself as a victim.

Your mom's the one with the illness. She's dragging you down. It does't matter what age you are, this is child abuse.

The symptoms you describe in yourself, are a shattered self conficence.

However you do it, you must get out of there. Walk away, don't look back

Actually, this sounds a lot like what I went through with my mom. And I agree 100% with what Spacial said. Keep in mind the following:

1. The problem is hers, not yours.
2. You can't change her, or what she thinks/believes/feels. Trying to "please" her will only lead to more manipulation (see #3), and will make you feel lower for having tried to do that in the first place.
3. She will manipulate your feelings to gain advantage, playing on the mother-son angle.
4. She can be extremely nice one minute, and shouting the next. It will confuse you trying to reconcile the two "people".
5. Unless YOU make a change - nothing will change.
6. It's OK to take the good moments with her and leave when the bad moments start.
7. You are not obligated to take abuse of any kind.
8. You may have to cut off communication with her for long periods of time, to keep your sanity.
9. Expect her to weep and moan when you do #8 (see #3).
10. She may well respond with spiteful comments. You must allow these comments to roll off your back. It's the mental illness talking. Responding to them just locks you deeper and deeper into her world.

Doing the things I listed above was one of the hardest things I ever did. I constantly questioned myself; whether what I was doing was fair and justified. It is.

I gather that you are still living at home, which makes this even tougher. Concentrate on the things that relax you, and just try to keep some space between you until you are able to move out.

I hope you have at least talked to your GP about your OCD and depression.  Prozac works great for a lot of the symptoms you described and can be had at many pharmacies in the US for $4 a months supply. Yes, you may have problems but that doesn't mean you have no worth or value to the world. Seek help for yourself first and the other things will be easier to manage.

It's hard to deal with someone behaving like that when you already feel terrible inside. Don't let people talk to you in a bad way. When people are rude and nasty just calmly tell them that you can't help them or even listen to them until they can talk to you in a civil manner. Be calm, firm and respectful when you do it. When someone gets their way by acting nasty, it just reinforces their behavior and teaches them that they can get what they want by being that way.

Hang in there and keep us posted.
Hugs, Stacy

I cant leave becaus I'm still in highschool... I cant even go anywhere for the day because I dont drive.

Me and my mom get alog great when she i just talking and relaxing. But she wants so much from us that it drives me nuts. I've never gotten to cry over my dad dying because I had to stay strong for her. She got mad at me recently because my grades dropped bu she forgets that i got straight a's while dad was in the hospital and after he died... Eventually the stress was bound to catch up with me.

Now, all the stress and heartbreak of the past few years is hitting me all at once and I'm at a loss for what to do... I refuse to go back to counseling because that's what started the drug problem. Egery session just pointed out another thing tht was wrong with me. Then, the counseler found out i had tried huffing, told my mom i had a serious addiction and now im not allowed near aresol cans.

Hopefully my nee short film project will keep me distracted and busy... 3d animation is the one thing I do right

Can you mix prozac and concerta? Becaus I absolutly need the concerta... I tried to go without it and my grades dropped to F's in a matter of weeks.

They tried to put me on anti depressants once, but i didnt like all the possible side-effects...

I take generic prozac and Vyvanse for ADHD with no problems. Vyvanse is an amphetamine salt like most ADHD med although it is one salt vs. 4 different with Adderal which I want to switch back to. I think concerta is just a time released ritalin so I don't think there would be a problem but you need to ask your doc. 

My daughter is into animation production and is about to start Digipen in Seattle. Good luck with it all!

Ashley.

Think you do need to go back to some sort of therapy.

But not that one. That was one bad therapist.

As for your mom, it's going to be tough because she knows you well, it will be difficult for you to adapt. You have others in your home who seem to be problematic as well. Did the cousin come from Florida yet?

Can you talk to your grandmother at all?

The guy coming from Florida is actually a family friend, and wont be moving in till may... Not looking forward to it...

I'm hesitant to even mention that I need to go back to counseling, because my mom was furious when I quit going to the last guy.

QuoteHopefully my nee short film project will keep me distracted and busy... 3d animation is the one thing I do right

I haven't had much experience with any of the problems you have mentioned, but I suspected that some other people here might have done, so I thought I'd better let the more experienced people do the talking first, and leave my thoughts for things that I actually do know a bit about.

Being a 3d computer animator is the perfect way to escape from a small town. You can do a job in computer animation in any number of places where bigots make up only a tiny percentage of the population! You've obviously started off learning how to do it early enough as well. The world is your oyster in this regard...and you're already doing it for a business? Sounds wonderful.

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on December 28, 2010, 08:29:03 PM
The guy coming from Florida is actually a family friend, and wont be moving in till may... Not looking forward to it...

From the descriptions you've given, I tend to think this new arrival on the scene will be more helpful to you.

I realise you may not like him much, but if you can establih a good relationship with him from the start he will create a buffer between you and your mom.

I'm hesitant to say too much about your mom. I know you care for her. I also understand that she really don't intend to hurt you in the way she is.

Hopefully you will eventualy come to a better understanding of your position within your family dynamics, then be better able to do more about it.