Hi...

I'm to the point where I couldn't care less what people think of me, and honestly don't care if they accept me... I really just want to be me and be happy for a change.

So I'm considering just going ahead and being who i want...

The problem I run into however, is that I correspond with people all over the world due to my 3d animation business. I do business with alot of people. What that means then, is if I throw caution to the wind and live like the girl I want to be, my dealings with other people through my business could be in danger. Alot of my work is done through Facebook, and if I suddenly switch up my whole life, people are gonna notice.

If I do live how I wanna live, I refuse to be Ashley one minute, and then switch to a dude whenever I have business... It's either all or nothing...

How should I proceed with this? 

Also, the opinions of people at school and in town dont matter to me at this point. As the internet has taught me "Haters gonna hate" so I'm only worried as far as my business is concerned...

Thanks 
Ashley

I have a thought, introduce Ashley as your new assistant.  Then they can get used to Ashley as they deal with you and your business.

Then as they get used to Ashley, later you can break the news to your customers slowly.

Just saying.

Slowly I would say.
First change their perception of you to be extroverted eccentric, once they see you as a bit weird but a good and nice person then you can do anything without it being out of the ordinary.

Really, you will have to tailor your approach to the kind of people you are dealing with.


Go to a gay nightclub, post on facebook that I am there, show up to work the next day with a huge hickey on my neck. Guys still think I am in to girls.

Show up to the work Christmas party wearing a bit of makeup and nail polish. Most guys just think I had another out there moment.

I can do just about anything now and it will be seen as normal for me.
All I have done is slowly dial it up over the last 8 months or so.
People stopped replying "WTF??" to my random Facebook posts about 4 months ago.

Janet's idea sounds great.

Hi I'm so busy that I will be working on your projects whilst Ashley will be dealing with the contacts. If it is seen through and you are good at what you do, the good customers will not give a damn. Doesn't affect their business. If people cannot handle it, do you want their work anyway?

Cindy

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on December 28, 2010, 10:19:54 PM
The problem I run into however, is that I correspond with people all over the world due to my 3d animation business. I do business with alot of people. What that means then, is if I throw caution to the wind and live like the girl I want to be, my dealings with other people through my business could be in danger. Alot of my work is done through Facebook, and if I suddenly switch up my whole life, people are gonna notice.

Do you really want to do business with bigots?
Make the change, I say. If they don't want to do business after that, then I wouldn't want them as a client. I know I'd feel pretty crappy spending time on projects for bigots.

Hi,

Im not into transition or anything related, i cd in occasions and live my life as a male happily, so maybe my point wont help you much but it can give you ideas...

First, your decision of what you are and want to live as who you think you are, cannot be determined by anything but your own perception of your own nature.
No one even family can interfere on that, and of course no business or job, the decision is the decision period, no more words.

If you decided that you are a girl, then you have two choices, one is to suffer of not be able to do the transition and try, and the other is to just do it and take the positive things once and for all they will shadow the negative ones, and you will never be able to tell what will happen from what is in your imagination.

I mean, that if you make a slow transition , you will show unsecured and your biz,  relations and friendship will see you weak and not sure of what you are or do or say etc, therefore is not good.
Its like keeping the bully boy hitting you in the head during the whole primary school and then tell him to stop by beating him in the last year, why not stopping it  from t =0 from the root, from the beginning of the problem, you may even enjoy many other things. your choice no one elses, dont lie to you just define what makes you happy.

If you are not sure about the decision then this question you are asking is meaningless and you know the answer. Maybe you will need to work on the process of that decision, no one will blame you for that many people cannot decide never all their life guessing what would be to be the girl the wanted always to be until 60, others just do it. business is not friendship ok?, money is what is it about, they choose you because your skills and price are convenient not because your skirts are sexy or your face is pretty, take it as a rule.
for family and real friendship i cant say anything everybody's is different.

Go for it once and for all and come a s the girl you are, an explanation of 5 minutes about you and your decision to important people in your network is enough, then move on as if you are wearing a new pair of jeans, is that difficult? yes maybe impossible for others, but if you feel, ... that it means ...you are not ready for the decision. you know when you will be ready, just dont show your are unsure about you.

Any way i hope i didnt sound too direct, but this kind of questions needs much more guidance than sympathy, if you are really looking for help.
I wish you the best, and tell us how it went finally.
cheers happy 2011!!

It's not perfectly applicable but here's my experience.

I write a baseball blog, along with my transition blog (came first actually) that I started before I came out.  I've built up a pretty strong connectivity within the Blue Jays blogosphere and delayed a LONG time in coming out and ditching the last male persona I had anywhere in my life. I was afraid of the "uber-maleness" of the sports fan world and expected a lot of rejection if not mockery.

I'd decided to do it this off-season but was still dragging my feet when  can across the story of Christina Kahrl, who is a transwoman who was one of the co-founders of Baseball Prospectus and transitioned  after having became a "personality" in sports fandom.

My understanding was that she got pretty much universal support.

When I went ahead and revealed myself on my blog, I was floored at the wave of kudos and expressions of support I got. I have not witnessed ONE negative reaction, or even hint of mockery.

I probably have better friends in the community now than I did before.

Based on my experience, I woul suggest you are FAR less likely to get negative blowback than you think - as long as you handle it professionally.

I like Janet's suggestion as well.

Another also occurs.

You are, as you say, a loner, who enjoys creating your own persona.

People relate to you because of your skills.

Those skills will remain. Actually, they wil probably improve if you are happier. So, does it matter at all, if you express yourself in a more feminine manner?

You wear a trench coat. Can you wear a skirt under it?

Or, even better, can you express as female with male clothing?

Your biggest problem, from what you've said, isn't those around you, it's your family. How will they react?

As for the attitudes of other girls. Many of us here have had similar problems. But in my case, the problem was that I wanted to be like them, more than with them.

Quote from: Veronica Morph on December 29, 2010, 02:15:46 AM
I mean, that if you make a slow transition , you will show unsecured and your biz,  relations and friendship will see you weak and not sure of what you are or do or say etc, therefore is not good.
Its like keeping the bully boy hitting you in the head during the whole primary school and then tell him to stop by beating him in the last year, why not stopping it  from t =0 from the root, from the beginning of the problem, you may even enjoy many other things. your choice no one elses, dont lie to you just define what makes you happy.

Not necessarily,
If you go out and announce that you are a woman and will be transitioning then yes you could be on the clock. However if you just slowly change things while remaining professional and appearing as if everything happening is completely normal then I believe you can take as long as you want.
It all comes down to attitude,
If you are slow and appear unsure then people will pick that up,
But if are slow with the attitude that stuff happens in your speed and your speed alone then nobody will dare to push you or doubt you.

As for the bully in school, I only lost it once, was 7th grade chemistry class. Picked up the closest chair and wacked him in the face, then left the room, never said a thing or gave any warning.

Creating an atmosphere of being eccentric is not a hard task for me... Because I am exeedingly weird!! Being weird is what I do best

i dunno... I need to do some serious thinking... I honestly think I could wear anything and noone would question it.

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on December 29, 2010, 07:57:53 AM
Creating an atmosphere of being eccentric is not a hard task for me... Because I am exeedingly weird!! Being weird is what I do best

i dunno... I need to do some serious thinking... I honestly think I could wear anything and noone would question it.

I'm really begining to like you. 

And yes, for all you've described, I doubt anyone will take the least notice of what you wear.

But you can gradually get to know you, be more comfortable with you and become a happier, more productive, YOU!

Scratch that... I couldn't wear anything I want... I've been forbidden from wearing hats in school. I was told the next time I bring a hat to school that I would be suspended... Apparently they dont like tophats

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on December 28, 2010, 10:19:54 PM
The problem I run into however, is that I correspond with people all over the world due to my 3d animation business. I do business with alot of people. What that means then, is if I throw caution to the wind and live like the girl I want to be, my dealings with other people through my business could be in danger.
...

so I'm only worried as far as my business is concerned...

I see that the best way to help answer your question would be through examples. Here is a little inspiration for you, if this helps -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebecca_Heineman
Read more about her by searching her name. There are a lot of articles about her video game business. She did set up her base before she came out to everyone, but she has achieved a lot of successes after she came out.

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on December 29, 2010, 06:33:27 PM
Scratch that... I couldn't wear anything I want... I've been forbidden from wearing hats in school. I was told the next time I bring a hat to school that I would be suspended... Apparently they dont like tophats

No they don't like any hats. I'm not allowed to wear a hat in school unless it has our company logo on it, AND is a baseball cap AND no children are in school.  What is the beef with hats?

Of topic: Years ago when I was pretending to be male I was at a beach and wandered into the shopping area wearing a top hat, budgie smugglers and that was it. I went into a shop to buy something and there was a queue, and I was at the end of it. I got served straight away by the manager himself.
Aristocratic presentation does help

Cindy

Quote from: LordKAT on December 30, 2010, 01:04:28 AM
No they don't like any hats. I'm not allowed to wear a hat in school unless it has our company logo on it, AND is a baseball cap AND no children are in school.  What is the beef with hats?

Don't know if it is still the case, but I remember years ago here the kids were not allowed out to play in the breaks if they didn't bring a hat, was due to the sun.

these days not all roses have throns so you might find that a lot of your customers are quite happy to continue getting good stuff from you regardless of what name and appearance you have,

Quote from: LordKAT on December 30, 2010, 01:04:28 AM
No they don't like any hats. I'm not allowed to wear a hat in school unless it has our company logo on it, AND is a baseball cap AND no children are in school.  What is the beef with hats?

I googled this because it really piqued my curiosity, but I could not find a satisfactory answer.  In fact, I could not even find an authoritative source.  All I found were a bunch of discussions on forums, Yahoo answers, etc.  FWIW, commonly proposed reasons included:

• It's traditionally considered disrespectful for men to wear hats indoors.  Therefore, some people consider it disrespectful for children to wear hats in school.


• Hats can be used to express gang affiliations.  Outlawing hats reduces gang violence.


• Large or unusual hats can be a distraction to other students.

Of course all of these "reasons" fall into the WTF category for me, and the idea that the No Hats rule reduces gang violence is both sad and amusing.  What a strange world we live in . . .

The gang thing is actually one of my school's reasons for banning hats... Even though there are NO GANGS in my county and last time I checked, there were'nt alot of gangs wearing tophats lol

I seem to recall, from my days at school, they rather like banning things and find any excuse to do it.

Tabloid newspapers were banned at my school!! Along with the Guardian.