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:( How to be full time when no one sees you?

Started by Britney♥Bieber, December 31, 2010, 07:33:46 PM

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Glenn

Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:50:48 PM
Janet actually thinks I'm far too cute to be human...little does she know she's right, I'm actually from the Planet Kawaii in the outer spiral of the galaxy...we're actually fourth rock out from our binary sun system. we invented japan and hello kitty to soften up the planet for imminent cutification. Actually, by the standards back on Kawaii I am actual consider hideously plain and normal...i went through a rigorous de-cutefying program so that i could blend in and complete my scouting mission. the problem is i have become some what partial to the truth serum you call red wine. In order for me not to be punished in the most terrible ways you must forget you've ever read this.


Forgotten but you have to share the wine!
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: Helena on December 31, 2010, 08:50:48 PM
but yeah, Britney, in the end we transition for ourselves, not for other people...don't let other peoples definitions of you cage your happiness. Just remember who i more fake.

I know. :)

Glenn

Now that we're run the full Gambit.

Are you going to the party Britney? Or is it to late already?

Also have you ever noticed just how strongly the sisterly feelings grow among us? We come from all over the world, Every walk of life, every race and social class.  But our situation draws us together in a form of unity that we can't find else where.

It's a beautiful thing, a gift from like minded people who are all reaching out to each other for support and friendship.

Love you all
Simone.
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KillBelle

I connect better with the FTM''s to be honest. lmao
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Britney♥Bieber

Simone I don't think I am. I'm in a really ->-bleeped-<-ty mood anyways and she hasn't texted me or anything. I'm tired of this. So I don't know what I'll do. I want to be with her but I don't want to be around a bunch of people, especially if they are all going to call me you know what.

And KillBelle...is Belle your name? I don't know your name so I'll use your username. I kinda feel like i do too. like I have a few friends that I text a lot that I've met online, here and other places, but like I don't have really any close mtf friends lol. I have a few close ftm friends though. But hey can you blame me? I just really like boys lol.

KillBelle

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on December 31, 2010, 09:22:52 PM
Simone I don't think I am. I'm in a really ->-bleeped-<-ty mood anyways and she hasn't texted me or anything. I'm tired of this. So I don't know what I'll do. I want to be with her but I don't want to be around a bunch of people, especially if they are all going to call me you know what.

And KillBelle...is Belle your name? I don't know your name so I'll use your username. I kinda feel like i do too. like I have a few friends that I text a lot that I've met online, here and other places, but like I don't have really any close mtf friends lol. I have a few close ftm friends though. But hey can you blame me? I just really like boys lol.

Girl, i am the exact same way haha. I dont have any trans friends period (which is why i am on here), most of my friends are guys because i am into "guy" activities most of the time anyway. And boys tell you how it is, they don't hold back and give you the roundabout, which is nice =]
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wannalivethetruth

Yea i know how you feel. my family still calls me he and it catches my eye EVERY TIME lol! But i try to look at it this way.....im going to use this to make me stonger. Because when they say he and call me by my birth name its like an insult...but i use it to make me stronger and to help me block out it or anything thats an insult it life. lol
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CaitJ

Quote from: KillBelle on December 31, 2010, 09:08:25 PM
I connect better with the FTM''s to be honest. lmao

Likewise; my ratio of trans guy friends to trans women friends is about 8:1.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: KillBelle on December 31, 2010, 09:26:59 PM
Girl, i am the exact same way haha. I dont have any trans friends period (which is why i am on here), most of my friends are guys because i am into "guy" activities most of the time anyway. And boys tell you how it is, they don't hold back and give you the roundabout, which is nice =]

Well I've only had like 2 male friends in real life, all the guy friends I have now are either gay trans or both lol. Which doesn't matter, still boys all the same I just don't get to hang out with them in rl. :( Boys just never liked me I guess.

But if boys really do tell you how it is, I need to get some boy friends. I'm so sick of asking if something's wrong and getting no no excuses excuses when I know it's bull.

Quote from: RoseBlossom on December 31, 2010, 09:30:35 PM
Yea i know how you feel. my family still calls me he and it catches my eye EVERY TIME lol! But i try to look at it this way.....im going to use this to make me stonger. Because when they say he and call me by my birth name its like an insult...but i use it to make me stronger and to help me block out it or anything thats an insult it life. lol

That's a great way to look at it. :)

JosephKT

Well, it sucks when your friends say they "know you're a girl" but have a hard time with using "she."  A lot of times people may "know" something in their head, but they don't really know it, fully and totally.  That takes a while.  I knew I was trans for years, and told people I preferred to be called "he" for a long time until my roommate and best friend, who is the first person to really "get it" started to enforce for me that I should be called "he."  He really helped me see I needed to drop some balls, ahem excuse the pun, and let people know that's the correct way for people to refer to me and reinforcement forces people more quickly to realize it fully.  Honestly, I think he got tired of me looking away and down every time close friends, and even my boyfriend, would call me "she," I mean he is the one who has to live with it :p  Some people still don't get it, but some others have been turning around, and I can tell you those who do make you feel pretty great.

Hang in there
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: JosephKT on December 31, 2010, 11:11:02 PM
Well, it sucks when your friends say they "know you're a girl" but have a hard time with using "she."  A lot of times people may "know" something in their head, but they don't really know it, fully and totally.  That takes a while.  I knew I was trans for years, and told people I preferred to be called "he" for a long time until my roommate and best friend, who is the first person to really "get it" started to enforce for me that I should be called "he."  He really helped me see I needed to drop some balls, ahem excuse the pun, and let people know that's the correct way for people to refer to me and reinforcement forces people more quickly to realize it fully.  Honestly, I think he got tired of me looking away and down every time close friends, and even my boyfriend, would call me "she," I mean he is the one who has to live with it :p  Some people still don't get it, but some others have been turning around, and I can tell you those who do make you feel pretty great.

Hang in there

Will do sir. :) Sounds like it gets better? *shrugs* I'll live.

Angela

Happy new year Britney !!  About the boy thing, remember before I "remet" Michael, I had many unsuccessful dates with guys that rejected me because they couldnt handle that I was born male. You have to give it time, youre not even 21. Believe me, your day will come , when it is, I dont know. But it will come. I already see you blossoming into a beautiful woman, already a huge diffrence, from your pics from when you were known as Andthenwekiss !! :)   
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LordKAT

QuoteWhat should I do if say I'm out with her, dressed female etc and she suddenly calls me Michael or he? Happens about everytime we go out. She just outed me to whoever heard us. It's scary and makes me feel crappy. :(

"Who you talking to?" would be a good reply.

The time will come,(and from your pics it will be soon) when they will get the strange looks because you obviously don't look like a guy.
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JosephKT

Quote from: LordKAT on January 01, 2011, 01:06:31 AM
"Who you talking to?" would be a good reply.

The time will come,(and from your pics it will be soon) when they will get the strange looks because you obviously don't look like a guy.

Point especially about that one, you really need to let her know how big of a deal that one is.  People who are now directly involved often forget how problematic it can be for does of us who do deal with this, the possible violence we may encounter.  She really needs to know how serious this is to you.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: Angela Foureira Komninou on January 01, 2011, 12:42:15 AM
Happy new year Britney !!  About the boy thing, remember before I "remet" Michael, I had many unsuccessful dates with guys that rejected me because they couldnt handle that I was born male. You have to give it time, youre not even 21. Believe me, your day will come , when it is, I dont know. But it will come. I already see you blossoming into a beautiful woman, already a huge diffrence, from your pics from when you were known as Andthenwekiss !! :)

Guys aren't even interested enough to reject me. :( I don't want to get my hopes up over boys again. I just try not to think about them. Happy new years sis and thanks! :D

Quote from: LordKAT on January 01, 2011, 01:06:31 AM
"Who you talking to?" would be a good reply.

The time will come,(and from your pics it will be soon) when they will get the strange looks because you obviously don't look like a guy.
That's a good one. I think I'm gonna stop going out as Britney for a while. Maybe I'm just moving to fast. Idk.

Quote from: JosephKT on January 01, 2011, 02:31:28 AM
Point especially about that one, you really need to let her know how big of a deal that one is.  People who are now directly involved often forget how problematic it can be for does of us who do deal with this, the possible violence we may encounter.  She really needs to know how serious this is to you.

I don't live in a very lgbt friendly area and while I'm not ashamed/hiding the fact that I'm trans, I don't want it blurted out to the whole restaurant or store. I could be put in a lot of danger. :(

JosephKT

I live is a fairly LGBTQ friendly neighborhood, but once my boyfriend and a couple of his friends from the suburbs decided to go hang out at a different area.  We drove around a while, and then came across a sports bar. The kind with nothing but wrestling, boxing and football playing and guys with beers in their trucks hanging outside of the bar windows to watch the game.  Even passing as a guy, I look pretty gay, if not super metro.  In short this was not a place i should hang out if I valued my safety, and despite me saying I wasn't okay with going in my boyfriend and his friends insisted it was "fine."  After some arguing we just went home early, and my boyfriend just couldn't understand why I was okay with using the men's bathroom in a city movie theater, and not be in a bar.  I then told him pretty much "Do I need to be the next Brendon Teena before you realize how serious this is?"  And it came out, he had never even heard of hate crimes against trans individuals before... he's really sheltered.
Point, even if your friends care, sometimes they seriously don't know.  You need to educate does most important around you so that you can protect yourself.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: JosephKT on January 01, 2011, 04:22:45 AM
I live is a fairly LGBTQ friendly neighborhood, but once my boyfriend and a couple of his friends from the suburbs decided to go hang out at a different area.  We drove around a while, and then came across a sports bar. The kind with nothing but wrestling, boxing and football playing and guys with beers in their trucks hanging outside of the bar windows to watch the game.  Even passing as a guy, I look pretty gay, if not super metro.  In short this was not a place i should hang out if I valued my safety, and despite me saying I wasn't okay with going in my boyfriend and his friends insisted it was "fine."  After some arguing we just went home early, and my boyfriend just couldn't understand why I was okay with using the men's bathroom in a city movie theater, and not be in a bar.  I then told him pretty much "Do I need to be the next Brendon Teena before you realize how serious this is?"  And it came out, he had never even heard of hate crimes against trans individuals before... he's really sheltered.
Point, even if your friends care, sometimes they seriously don't know.  You need to educate does most important around you so that you can protect yourself.

I've decided not to go out as Britney any more. I don't think it's time. I mean if I can't trust people to call me she, I shouldn't play with my safety and blame them when they mess up.

Rock_chick

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 01, 2011, 04:13:02 AM

That's a good one. I think I'm gonna stop going out as Britney for a while. Maybe I'm just moving to fast. Idk.


Taking stock of your situation is always a good thing...but...don't let other people dictate the pace to you, just move at a pace you're comfortable with. I've said it before but you definitely do not need to apologise to anyone for being you, besides, i think you'd have the same thing happen as I did during the run up to going full time...when i was pretending to be a guy I got more odd looks, comments and generally just felt 100 times more obvious and awkward than when i was being myself, because I wasn't fooling anyone.

As to your friend...she's your best friend for a reason, but she also needs to understand how you feel...go for a cup of coffee or something and talk to her. Because she's you're best friend she'll hopefully understand and she'll respect your wishes. obviously with pre-transition friends there is a period of adjustment where they have to come to terms with things, but all we really want is for people to make an effort. But yeah, talk to her, bawl your eyes out if you have to, but try and get her to open up to you and to understand.

Finally, though I believe that ditching pre-transition friends just because they knew you from before is a bit cold, if she won't be honest with you after you've been honest with her, maybe it's time to make some new friends.
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lilacwoman

Britney, don't capitulate or the rest of your life you will be told that you aren't really TS because you stopped and went back to being a boy.

Stick it out and as necessary modify your social circles.   It isn't easy.

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