Hi I'm Kai
im new here and was wondering if i could have any advice about coming out
my mother has always more or less known about my ftm issues sadly enough probably before I did but I really dont know how to bring up the subject with her she's always laughed at how masculine I behave and thats always the trouble i have when trying to have THE talk with her as soon as i try to explain or drop hints she always laughs at me or says its a phase and I just get to embarrased to continue and im struggling coming to terms with it myself probably cause my family is full of man haters i think thats whats really keeping me back from coming out to my family i personally think its the ultimate irony but there ya go so id be really grateful for any advice thanks!

Hi Kai:

I'm Gill.  Welcome to Susan's. I  am sure you will find many here who can offer you some insight on how to deal with many stressfull situations.

I know in the past letters have worked really well.  It allows you to tell your story and allows the reader to absorb just what it is you are telling them.  There are many examples of what others have used for their situations. 

Laughter is sometimes used to help us through a stressful situation, by making "light" of the issue is sometimes like burying your head in the sand.  Though your Mom may be very aware of what is happening to her baby (used affectionately) it worries her.

My only advice and it is something I used when telling my family is to remain calm.  Do not get angry no matter what is said.  Remember it will be a shock and it will take some time for others to absorb just what it is that you are telling them.

Hope the above helps.

Gill

thanks Gill im gonna try to write a letter thanks for the advice its really helped
Kai

The biggest mistake I made coming out to my parents was coming out to my parents. It upset their fantasy multi-plex, and I'm now disowned.

Bri

Im sorry

Quote from: Kai on January 02, 2007, 03:55:02 PM
thanks Gill im gonna try to write a letter thanks for the advice its really helped
Kai

Hi Kai,

                    I used a letter explaining my feelings, some of my poetry and a short well written definition of transsexuality. I put it together in the order I wanted things read and asked the person to read everything in order while I waited in the next room. When they finished I answered any questions. This approach worked for me, everyone I have come out to has accepted me completely.   Leaving or sending a letter gives the person a chance to ask other people or do research that may lead to inaccurate information. My feeling is waiting while they read about you is best. I wish you the best coming out ever.


beth

I also came out to my parents in a letter when I entered my first long term relationship. At that time there was a distance of 2000 km between us so I did not have to face any music as it were. At first my mother, a devout Christian, refused to accept it and me, and banned me from her house. But as time went on she came to understand and accept and now she fully accepts. We never really speak about it, but I have no qualms introducing what she calls my "special friend" to her. She even acts like a mother-in-law with them!.

My advice is to do it sooner rather than later.   

I know I should do it soon since in july I will have finished colege its just trying to word it in a way she'll understand so she doesnt just shrug it off and pretend it never happened

I sat down with my mother and talked to her. Told her I'd been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder and was going to proceed down whatever path that led me.

There was some urgency for me, though. My partner had just dumped me and was in a highly volatile mood and had already outed me to some friends, so I was concerned that Mum should hear it from me first, not from the ex.

I followed up by giving Mum a copy of "True Selves". I'm not sure how helpful that was. She latched onto everything that could be read as negative or parent-blaming in there. Time was really what got her to accept it.

Dennis