When people from school ask me if I'm a virgin I get confused because I don't know if I am one or not. I've had sex with a girl in almost everyway you can think of and a few years ago I messed around with a boy because he kept pressuring me and wouldn't stop kissing on me and stuff, I didn't know what to do so I went along with it and I felt so horrible after that because I'm straight and I actually felt like throwing up. I didn't go all the way with him though. Did I lose my virginity when I had sex with a girl? Or do I have to have sex with a guy to lose it?

If you have to have sex with a guy to lose your virginity, than there are a lot of lesbian virgins out there.

My first thought is, does it matter?  I would just answer the question the way you feel comfortable.  Actually the more I think about it, what business of it is theirs?

There are a lot of ways to have sex, not just penis+vagina. If you've had sex in your own particular way, then you're not a virgin.

I want to say "No, I'm not a virgin" because I wanted to lose my virginity to this girl but if I say I'm not a virgin then they will say "Who was the guy?" Then I'll say "It was a girl" and then they'll say "Then you're still a virgin" I'll get depressed and dysphoric (I think I spelled that right) and start arguing and they'll say "You're a GIRL, you can't lose your virginity to another GIRL" And then I'll feel suicidal because straight boys lose their virginity to girls not boys.

If they ask for specifics just be like "Yeah I was (insert age) and we were at (insert place)". Just don't use pronouns and let them come to their own conclusions.

I was 9 or 10 so I think they would know I was talking about a girl because I don't think boys at that age can get an erection to do anything with.

Then answer the question and if they ask for specifics tell them it ain't any of their business.

Boys get erections throughout their lives, even as babies. I consider sex to be anything that involves orgasm.
It's not really anyone's business if you're a virgin or not though.

Well, everyone here said that 'it's not their business', but it seems to me that you really care about what other people think about you, specially in that thing.
So, if you don't wanna tell them the true, tell them a lie, just to make the questions go away.

I'm not a virgin so I'll tell them "No" and refuse to give details. And then they'll probably go around saying I'm a whore. I hate being seen as a girl.

You could just say you are so then you don't have anything to explain. Just say you're waiting until marriage.

Dude. Remember that no-one at all has the authority or the right to pressure you into telling them anything about your sexual experiences. If you identify as a straight male, then the first time you felt that you had intimate contact with a girl was sex..

Medical opinion about virginity doesn't take into account sex between biologically female men, or transitioning men.. and it doesn't matter! Sexuality and gender is so diverse, there's no way anyone is authorised to give a situation to every kind of gender and say this is when that person lost their virginity! It's totally up to you to decide when you lost it, and it doesn't even have to have happened in one event either. Losing your virginity is a process that happened when you wanted it to.

Like previous users said, if losing your virginity only happens when you get penetrated by a penis then there's thousands of lesbians who are virgins.. and of course, they aren't.

What about gay men, as well. Medically, they might never had penetrative sex with a biologically female woman, so are they virgins as well? of course not.

Sex is so varied and wide and can involve so many different things, it's up to you.

VanOcc: You're absolutely right. When they ask if I'm a virgin, I'll say "No" and if they ask who the guy was then I'll say "Guy? Don't you mean girl?" If they say "You can't lose your virginity to a girl" then I'll say "Um, yes I can" and walk off.

Sharky: If I say I'm waiting for marriage they'll say "But you're a lesbian you can't get married" and then I'll get mad and do something stupid.

Quote from: Kentrie on January 04, 2011, 03:21:21 PM
VanOcc: You're absolutely right. When they ask if I'm a virgin, I'll say "No" and if they ask who the guy was then I'll say "Guy? Don't you mean girl?" If they say "You can't lose your virginity to a girl" then I'll say "Um, yes I can" and walk off.

That's the best idea. It really isn't their business in the first place so it's your choice whether or not to share it.

The correct answer is:

"Well I was up until I met your (Daddy, Mommy, BF/GF - whichever would be the most insulting)."

Quote from: tekla on January 04, 2011, 03:55:22 PM
The correct answer is:

"Well I was up until I met your (Daddy, Mommy, BF/GF - whichever would be the most insulting)."

Lol yeah, kinda like if someone asks whether you're a boy or a girl, just say 'your mum found out last night, ask her'.

I don't know if this works, with, ahem..you younger adults (?!), but in my, um...more adult circles, when an awkward/nosey/MYOB-type question comes up, I always say, "Why do you need to know?"

That pretty much always stops them right in their tracks.

Not sure if that'd work with the younger set, but that's my strategy and seems to work pretty well.

Of course, the insulting method is good, too!

Virginity is a social construct with all sorts of interpretations. The main way that I define it is "while I was doing what I was doing...did I consider it sex?" If the answer is yes, and your definition of virginity is "having sex" then you're not a virgin.

In some cultures a kiss is a loss of virginity, in others only PIV (penis in vagina) sex is considered a loss of virginity.

Well, if PIV was the only way to lose your virginity then lesbians would be screwed. I, like many others think that it depends. It depends on what it is that you're doing. PIV is definitely not the only option.