I think i might want to chime in.
I have been on this forum for a few years now, even tho it says "newbie". I have not posted much on this site though. Ive watched how things have unfolded time and time again. I can honestly say that when i first came to this site, as most of you, i was looking for some type of support people to relate to in the struggle i go through in life and how to cope. This is what i've noticed some girls feel that the are so "far" in their transistion that they are now a so-called expert and are far superior to most newcommers, alot of the girls are stubborn as donkeys in their view of things which quite frankly is ironic being that we expect the world to have an open mind towards us.
During my transition i have learned something though, i hold this in very high regard because it is so pertenante in my situation "he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone" (im not one for quoting the bible either being that im agnostic but its pretty relivant).
My words to you sisters and brothers on this site is to re-evaluate where you have come from and reevaluate who you are as well (as i recall none of us are actually born in the bodys of the gender we identify with) so you nor i are better or more superior than each other. But what we can do is be supportive of each other because i know i how felt when i wasnt the number one dime piece and i still am not , but you know what it takes time and you yourself is or was in this situation at one point or another in your life.

I think no person is too big to have new friends.
just my two cents, let that simmer for a bit .

Quote from: Andrew Scott on January 03, 2011, 04:53:38 AM
I wear my heart on my sleeve (which seriously isn't always smart) but I really do care about the people here and want to show them the compassion I feel so I don't understand why someone would want to hide that 

Your understanding is not required 
We'll leave it at that, shall we?

Quote from: BridgetBby on January 03, 2011, 05:17:22 AM
During my transition i have learned something though, i hold this in very high regard because it is so pertenante in my situation "he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone" (im not one for quoting the bible either being that im agnostic but its pretty relivant).

Cute quote, but it fails in practice due to this:
If only the innocent are allowed to pass judgement, then there shall be no judges.

Tough love is love, but not everyone can take it.

And sometimes, the "tough love" comments just make things worse.

If my hubby hadn't gotten a "you're an idiot" comment a few years back, then we would never have met, but then it was the right place, right time, and right topic. If I'd call him fat when he sneaks a piece of chocolate, even if he's carrying 'round a couple extra pounds and should probably skip that piece of chocolate if he wants to be rid of them, then even if I intended it as tough love, it would just be an a-hole move.

Quote from: Vexing on January 02, 2011, 03:53:33 PM
There are many different kinds of support and I'm glad that the community here is diverse enough to offer various different kinds of support - from Fluffy-fuzzy-lovey support to Kick-in-the-pants support (both of which are equally compassionate).

Lol, I thought of this response last night when I saw this commercial, it's fitting and made me laugh. True, so true, many different kinds of support here like this gentleman shows in the video:

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on January 03, 2011, 05:19:30 PM
Lol, I thought of this response last night when I saw this commercial, it's fitting and made me laugh. True, so true, many different kinds of support here like this gentleman shows in the video:

LOL... That's the same thing I think of every time I see a certain person's post 

I love that commercial. "JACK WAGON"!!!!

'Jack-Wagon' is now my new favourite quote 

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on January 03, 2011, 05:19:30 PM
True, so true, many different kinds of support here like this gentleman shows in the video:

One of the reasons I try not to give advice too often is precisely because that is almost always my response to people.

I tend to solve problems very aggressively.

On a site like this, I am very careful because there are people who tend to be more sensitive than on other more general sites (I frequent a very popular movie site and a cooking site).  If I feel qualified to answer a question here or help someone, I think about it very carefully because it may have a big impact (it may not, but I'd rather err on the side of caution). 

My main goal is to help the person while being honest.  I don't need to post to get "published" or get notches on my posting belt, or to appear to be witty or clever by throwing off some pat or glib answer.  I don't need to post quickly, it's not a race.  I need to post thoughtfully and carefully.  If I can't do this, I won't post at all.

I know that I can't expect to change anyone's life positively by what I post or, on the other hand, be responsible for something that a person does negatively by what I post, but I don't want to ever have to question myself about that.  I don't see the point in posting something that isn't helpful or that could possibly be negative and hurtful.  I know that it's important to put information out there, but I think it's really already out there or rather the negative opinions are out there.  Everybody has heard them more than enough.  That's why people come here.

Oh, I want to add that this applies mostly to new people here or people who are in an especially vulnerable time or those who are just generally sensitive.  I know that there are some here who can throw stuff around to each other and that it's enjoyable for them.

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on January 02, 2011, 02:59:17 PM
Yeah, support site and cry wolf don't really exist in the same sentence. Support. It's the foundation upon which we're built. People who are hesitant to help others that they think are crying wolf should consider spending their time 1) remaining silent about the matter and peruse other messages to comment on 2) consider not spending time on a support site.

Are there times we each feel like someone may be acting passive/aggressive in an attempt to get sympathy, sure, definitely. But we owe it to people as members of a support site to help each other in our moments of need. Everyone has their ups and downs, their individual triggers, their little idiosyncrasies. It's part of the reason why most of us have probably pulled back more replies than we've sent around here.

Quite a few people come to this site and other sites because they feel like they might find a compassionate place that's different than the rest of the world. If they come here because they expect the same harsh, cold, "realistic" response they are going to get in the "real world" than we'd be a social networking site, not a support site. I'd like to think that most of us around here care about people and are able to articulate that and be supportive.

It's like being at a party and you have someone over in the corner crying and threatening to hurt themselves out of despair, the same person who at the last two parties did the same thing. Do you go over and help comfort the person? Do you leave the room? Do you just not go to parties anymore where they are? Do you walk over to them, point at them and say "lol, yo, seriously, you need to get a grip. Are you going to do it or not? We're pretty sick and tired of all those hollow threats and excuses. Either do it or don't, but shut up either way!" I hope the kind of place we have here at Susan's would put most people in any group except the last one. People act out around here in so many different ways; they all need care and compassion to make it through the rough spots, even the people we "get tired of" or the people that "pull the same stunts over and over again."

Exactly,

thank you for the intelligent post

Hm... are far as the judgment goes on it's the intention of compassion that counts, and the receiver doesn't have to understand.  I think I'll quote someone who has more eloquence than I:

"...good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding."
-Albert Camus

Quote from: JosephKT on January 05, 2011, 12:24:51 AM
Hm... are far as the judgment goes on it's the intention of compassion that counts

No one said that.
What was expressed was that it is still compassion if it is intended as compassion, even if the recipient doesn't think so.

Quote from: Vexing on January 05, 2011, 12:44:49 AM
No one said that.
What was expressed was that it is still compassion if it is intended as compassion, even if the recipient doesn't think so.

Semantics.  The point still remains, as many people have said, despite intentions what is expressed may be very damaging to the recipient.  That is all.

Quote from: JosephKT on January 05, 2011, 12:52:00 AM
Semantics.

Actually, no. You expressed a view on a subject that was not raised, inferring that it had been raised.
It had not.
That's not what 'semantics' refers to. Semantics refers to the meaning of words.

QuoteThe point still remains, as many people have said, despite intentions what is expressed may be very damaging to the recipient.  That is all.

A redundant point; it's self evident that good intentions don't always have good results.
Why is common sense so uncommon?*

*That's a rhetorical question, btw.