Today we went to go visit some close friends of the family. I thought to myself "gee this is nice. I haven't had a good time in a while. These are good people." Right when I was thinking that, they said to my dad "Poor (my dad's name), having to deal with two daughters!" I felt like saying "yeah, life is so tough, isn't it?" Because currently I present myself as female to everyone (I'm biologically female but I wish to be seen as male and give my dad that son he always wanted. Not just that, but so many other reasons. I feel I am in the wrong body). I'm not sure if it was a teasing tone or not. But I am getting sick of hearing it. It's not the first time someone's said it. My family is a little sexist, there's not much I can do about that unfortunately. But it hurts that my dad sees me as a daughter too. I want so much to go to a hockey game with my dad, watch a war movie together, play a game of soccer, him to call me "Josh" and "he" and "son". Him to accept me basically. I haven't come out yet. Now for my friends, they seem to like to make jokes about transgendered people. Maybe I'm hanging out with the wrong crowd. They refer to trans people as "->-bleeped-<-s", "it", they make other jokes about us too. It hurts that the person who I thought was my best friend sees trans people that way. I am at a loss. I just see so much hate. I almost killed myself one time. Can someone give me advice??

It is possible that your best friend is only trying to fit in with the crowd and doesn't really feel that way. Only way you will know is to talk to him away from other influences.

The lot of us go through the pain of rejection, some more than others. You will find out who your true friends are when you come out but be prepared for a lot of surprises, hurt and new friends. Meanwhile, you can talk here and know that someone else is going through many of the same issues and feelings you are and that you are not a freak or an it or any of those other words that get you down.

Quote from: Josh T on January 04, 2011, 01:03:37 AM
It hurts that the person who I thought was my best friend sees trans people that way. I am at a loss. I just see so much hate. I almost killed myself one time. Can someone give me advice??

Have you thought about getting involved in more trans inclusive groups/spaces? Like a GLBT support group or a GLBT youth club?
Because the people in those groups won't make jokes or slurs about trans people and will be supportive of your identity.
Otherwise you could speak up and tell you current friends that you don't think it's cool to slag off ANY minority group, based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity etc.

Josh you answered your own question of what and why you are having the angst - you aren't out so obviously everyone sees you as a girl.  Dreaming has never any of us transition.
It shouldn't be so hard to get a father to take his kids to hockey or watch war films - just ask him to take you.
Once you get out and start transition you genuine friends will eventually get the name and description right so you need to gather some courage and make a start on getting to a therapist.

My friends are easy in the sense that I can avoid them and find a new group of friends. My family however I have to face every day. Since I present myself as female, how can I not let what they say and their sexist jokes affect me so much? That alone seems to be a struggle.

Quote from: Josh T on January 04, 2011, 04:59:30 PM
My friends are easy in the sense that I can avoid them and find a new group of friends. My family however I have to face every day. Since I present myself as female, how can I not let what they say and their sexist jokes affect me so much? That alone seems to be a struggle.

Unless you tell them something, it's not going to change.

I think it's a bit harder than "Look, you're hurting my feelings". I think part of them KNOWS that. You know when I was born, I got a grunt and a scowl from my grandmother and a "oh damn, another girl." When my cousin was born, the first male in a long time, he was treated like a prince. I think my grandma secretly gave my dad hell for not being able to give her a grandson. She put a lot of stress on my mom too, who is no longer alive. Sorry if I'm going on like this, but I haven't been able to really talk to anyone about this, but I've been keeping it all bottled up inside me and I need someone to rant to.