Some of my friends had a talk with me. They said theyre trying to understand, but they cant how I feel like a boy. Ive never slept with a girl, but I know that after being with guys, and just from who Im attracted too that I like girls. That has nothing to do with being trans, but they were fighting with me telling I should sleep with a girl before I make any final descisions, and they were like prove that you are a boy. Then I got all upset and told them they just didnt understand. Well, they got mad at that and told me I just didnt understand their point. I have known I was a boy since I knew gender existed, and they still think Im just a lesbian. That pisses me off. I could have started crying right there, I had tears in my eyes, and I do not like crying in front of people. Im sorry for the rant, I just got more upset than I have in a while tonight, and I know you guys can actually understand.

I'm real sorry man They had no right to say what you are and not to mention their idea of you needing to sleep with a girl to know whether you are a straight man or a lesbian makes no sense (did I misunderstand that?). *hug* You've got nothing to prove man. Just be you. 

Sadly a common reaction from people who equate TG with being homosexual.  As soon as anyone says anything about that it will cure you, they do not understand. I'm always mystified that if they think that way then if they were foeced to making love to a same sex person then converts them to being gay. Why?

Try to just explain.

And be strong

Cindy

Just sit them down again or send them emails explaining that sexuality does not equate gender. You could be attracted to trees or the air for all they care but it wouldn't change what your gender is. Explain that being attracted to girls doesn't matter because you could be attracted to men and still have the same feelings.

People just love to put people in 'boxes' so that they can identify them and since a large chunk of society doesn't understand the whole transgender issue they prefer to see us as simply gay as it is something they can more easily relate to.
I have always been more attracted to women but NEVER considered myself lesbian. That term just felt uncomfortable to me...I didn't even feel comfortable watching programs like The L Word.
Being with a woman sexually I have never felt like 'another woman' either.....

Your friends just need time and a little education. You have nothing to PROVE!

Quote from: FebruaryFalls on January 07, 2011, 05:31:09 AM
Just sit them down again or send them emails explaining that sexuality does not equate gender. You could be attracted to trees or the air for all they care but it wouldn't change what your gender is. Explain that being attracted to girls doesn't matter because you could be attracted to men and still have the same feelings.

I agree...sexuality has nothing to do with gender...
and im sorry ur friends are doing this to u...
just remember who u r no matter what is said...
luv u bro...

That sucks.

I don't know what gender or orientation your friends are. But what they are doing sounds like what a lot of gay people get. How do you know you are a gay man if you haven't slept with a woman/guy before?

It often helps to turn it back on the people questioning. If someone straight says, "You're not gay, you just haven't met the right man/woman," you should ask them if they've ever had sex with the type they are not attracted to, and if not, then how do they know they are not gay/straight.

Here, though, it sounds like they are just very confused about orientation and identity. Sleeping with a girl will not prove you are trans, because lesbians also sleep with girls. So the argument doesn't even make sense that you're 'only' a lesbian and not trans, due to not having sex with women yet. And telling you that you're not a REAL dude unless you've slept with a woman? That sounds kinda like...they are treating you like a guy. That's normal stuff for one guy to tell another and goes to conceptions of manhood.

The other thing I would want to chime in on is this idea of making "final decisions." If people are talking about your sexual orientation, it's really only their need to label you that requires 'final decisions.' You are NOT making any permanent choices about who you will be attracted to or sleeping with in the future, and there is no reason to view it as such or require labels that make it so. They can't tell you that you do or do not like girls *that way*. So it really is about them trying to find the right label for person like you who likes girls...

...which leads us to your being trans. People who do not understand that you ARE a guy, what gender identity is, and how transitioning is about making your outward expression and appearance more congruent with your insides, will get stuck on the labels of orientation as they connect to your gender. This is where the "final decisions" talk gets very annoying. It's very common for people to ask us why we need to transition or why don't we wait or 'hold off making decisions' about being transition, since it is life-altering and includes some permanent effects (if you go medical route). It sucks playing trans 101 educator, but while people commonly now know what gay is (and they didn't 40-50 years ago!), they do not realize that the steps of transitioning are not the same as making "final decisions" to CHANGE your sex/gender. You already ARE male, and transitioning is just about what steps make you feel more comfortable expresssing that or being seen that way. Sometimes it helps to ask people: if you truly believed I was a guy, would you say this/act this way/ask me to do this? Or you can say, "Do you actually believe I am male?" THe answers - which you may not like - tell you a lot about how to respond or whether these people can/will be friends in the future. It's not about whether they agree with transition, or can adjust to new names/pronouns. It's about whether they are willing to understand what gender identity is and believe that you are who you say you are.

what is normal in our world is absurd in many other worlds.

Sure it sucks, but its part of our lives to have to understand ourselves from a straight-world point of view.  It sucks now, but you'll [hopefully] be able to take great amusement over their discomfort and idiocy later on.  How closed minded and ignorant they are to so much of the world makes me glad to be trans after seeing them in a different light.

Until you just go out and do it and people see how much it all makes sense [that you're a dude] they'll bring themselves around to it better.

Its one of the reasons I didn't come out before I started hormones ect.  I didn't even announce it officially after my top surgery.  Everyone knew I had my boobs offed, so I'm sure the suspicions were there, but it wasn't until 6+ months later when I was going to start T that I told everyone.  When you've obviously already put so much effort into something and you seem happier than you've ever been before [real friends can pick up on these things] you seem a lot more sane saying you're really a boy.