For the spouses:

In the past I have posted occasionaly about the issues I have had with having a transitioning spouse. (inspite of being in transition myself, <what a hypocrite eh?>)

Anyways....
I just wanted to say to any spouses out there that if you stay, life normalizes.
Not that the spouse ceases transition but eventually things become more normal. The growing beard or breasts become normal and a non issue. Visual changes start to level out and eventualy your mate takes on an apearance that doesn't really change as rapidly.

I find myself feeling thrill and excitement caresing my mates developing beard, moustache and muscles. Sharing this second puberty with eachother is in some ways like being teenagers again.

My point is that if you do not keep focusing on what you are loosing when your spouse is transitioning and instead, allow it, and embrace it, a spouses transition can be an elightening and joyful time for both parties.
Even if you are loosing your sexual partner you can still find joy in your spouses transition. Think about it....Your best friend is healing and becomeing the person they were meant to be. They are becoming a better person. That alone can be the greatest of motivators if you allow it too be.

I admit still miss 'Sara' but Sevan is ALOT more fun to share my life with and much better adjusted to life than 'she' was.  Besides ze truely is the same person as before, same sense of humor and same memories same morals....Just improved in nearly every way.

<oh yeah ze seems to have been tuning that frog rather efficiantly recently> 

@ Cynthialee:

This is a really, really good post.  Hopefully, it will inspire significant others and make them reconsider their situation.  Certainly hope so.  You two are a lovely couple, and, hey, love that new avatar pic!

While my for-now wife and I sleep in separate rooms, we are economic roommates and may remain so for some years to come given the state of the economy and that neither of us makes a whole lot of money.  Who knows?  She may come around, but I doubt it. 

Thanks for posting.  Always enjoy your posts a lot.

   Lacey

Unfortunately I doubt there are  Ex-significant others on this forum to tell us why after all it did not work out for them and the life did not seem to be normalizing.
I am learning that emotions have "mind of their own" and one can't just simply rethink or reconsidere feelings.
One could suggest feelings should be re-felt  as thoughts would be re-thought but I haven't heard of such a thing.

Some people simply can't change their sexual orientation for example and that is allright and natural so.
On the other hand how people define the marriage may be also an obstacle to stay. This does not mean that people should get  abandoned after the coming out or transition but the basis for marriage or a romantic relationship might be at that point simply gone.

Quote from: cynthialee on December 16, 2010, 10:32:06 AM
My point is that if you do not keep focusing on what you are loosing when your spouse is transitioning and instead, allow it, and embrace it, a spouses transition can be an enlightening and joyful time for both parties.

I have found this to be true as well. After a few months of living with a transitioning spouse, I noticed that the most common question that I was asked was "How is this for YOU?" After awhile, I saw that I always answered that it was hard; if I changed it up a bit and said it was interesting, they would reply, "But it must be hard." I decided to stop creating my reality that way. I looked around for another word to affirm what I was experiencing. I have now been answering the question this way, "It's exciting!" It IS exciting; why focus on the hard parts? It's been a year since I started that affirmation. It does get better...
Ruby