I've been crossdressing for over 25 years and while I enjoy my time all dolled up, I also enjoy being a guy. As a guy I have always considered myself straight since I've only been attracted to women, or so I thought? A recent event has me questioning that. Last week I received an email from a person claiming to be a guy (G) who said he was a fan of my Youtube videos. In the email he called me sexy, gorgeous and a real lady.

As a crossdresser I was flattered by those compliments, and really turned on when I first read it. After the initial pride I felt reading such flattering words, I had to pause to remind myself that it was a guy who wrote those words. At this point I decided I would write back with a very generic sounding Thank You email and explaining that I'm straight.

However, after proof reading my reply, I changed my mind and thought it would be kind of fun to reply with a much more flirtatious thank you. So I revised my Thank You and sent it. I really believed that would be the end of our correspondence with each other. For some subconscious reason I never deleted his original email. When I checked my inbox the next day, just out of routine, I saw "G's" undeleted email at the top of my inbox. I was going to delete it, but chose to read it again first. I opened the email for one final read through but as I read it again, I was getting really turned on, again. "G" is very good with words, and had me reading it several times over before I needed to get off the computer.

While I went on with my day, it became increasingly difficult to focus on what I was doing, because my mind kept returning to the email, which was making me more excited and had me actually looking at my watch constantly wanting the time to zip by so I could be back at my computer to see if "G" replied. When I was finally able to check my emails, right at the top was a new message from "G". Just seeing "G's" name had me let out a little gasp of excitement.  With great anticipation I opened it. While his 1st email was very erotic, this one was sensitive and romantic, but as much of a turn on.

I was conflicted in my emotions, and didn't know how to reply, so I decided I would sleep on it and write a reply the next day. My initial thought was to thank "G" for the lovely compliments and to tell him that while I am flattered, that he should know I'm only attracted to women. That is not what I did. I woke up at like 3:00 in the morning sweating heavily after just having a memorable dream of me in the dress that "G" said he liked me best in, speed dating several different guys. I tried to fall back asleep, but just couldn't, so I turned on my computer and read "G's" emails. When I finished reading them, it was like someone else took over my body, and wrote a reply that was even more flirtatious than the 1st and made no mention of my attraction to women. The words just flowed out of me. I didn't hesitate once to think of what to say, I just knew and let my fingers run amok on the keyboard. I did ask for him to reply with a picture of himself, since he knew what I looked like, but I still had no clue what he looked like.  After sending this email off, I had no problem sleeping.

This was sent on the morning of New Year's Eve. With a busy day planned because of it being NYE, I never gave the email another thought. Later in the day, a friend called to say he was going to send me an email with directions to the NYE party he invited me to. I checked my email about an hour later and there among 3 new emails was one from "G". I opened it, and was again blown away by his words. Like I asked, he had attached a picture. I opened the picture file, not knowing what to expect or how I would react. I was very happy with what I saw. I finished reading the rest of the emails and then left for the party. What really started to freak me out happened later that night. I attended the party alone so at midnight had no one to kiss. What happened was that at 12:00 I had a quick fantasy flash in my head of me and "G" sharing a very passionate kiss. I didn't drink, so the fantasy wasn't alcohol induced. The flash came and went so quickly that it wasn't until the next day that I really started to have doubts about my sexuality.

Since NYE, we've continued exchanging emails on almost a daily basis. Each email is more erotic than the previous, with us both revealing long time fantasies. I even tell him about a sissy maid fantasy I've had since I was 16. I understand that because this whole "relationship" is internet based,  I can't be sure that anything "G" writes is the truth. All I do know, is that from my end of it, I have never had these feelings before for any girl I've dated or found it so easy to express those feelings to that person. I even notice that I am getting more aroused by seeing his picture than ones of beautiful women.

What is happening? Was what I thought was an attraction to women, really just a misunderstood attraction to be one? Could I have been gay all this time? I've never been comfortable around women, so have had difficulty dating and haven't had a girlfriend since high school. I want to think that I'm straight and that what's caused these feelings are connected to the words that "G" writes and have nothing to do with him being a guy, especially since I was originally turned on by words not by a picture.

Can any one help me make sense of this?

Well, first off, you do not express any doubts about your gender identity.  Crossdressing does not have any connection with your internal feelings of gender.  And really that is perfectly normal.

What you are questioning is your sexual orientation.  You know you are a man, and it sounds like "G" knows you are male as well.

What you may want to answer for yourself is, what do you want to happen next?  Do you want to have the relationship with G become more romantic?  Also you might ask yourself how you feel about attraction to men in general, in light of your attraction to G.

It sounds like you really don't want the relationship with him to stop, in fact much the opposite.

If that is the case, then, perhaps now is the time to explain what you are feeling to him.  Say to him that much of what you have explained here.  That previously you thought you only had feelings for women, but he has ignited a passion in you that you were not previously aware of.  And that it has made you question your own feelings of sexual orientation.  And see where it goes from there.

You may be bisexual and just because you have an attraction to G, you do not have to forever renounce your attraction to women.

Sexual orientation is a spectrum, just like gender identity and not a binary.

Bottom line is, just go with it.  Explore your feelings.  This is something only you can answer.  And whatever conclusion you come to is alright.

One last note of general caution, is of course, safety.  The internet can be a scary place, so be careful.  Both of your heart and your body.

-Sandy

Sandy makes a lot of sense.
All I can say is don't be afraid of your true feelings. Good luck and please let us know how it turns out.

Hey honey,

Do you currently have a partner? If not then you are free to do as you please. There is nothing wrong with exploring this. It could end up a beautiful thing, or you might find the fantasy was better than reality.

As far as you know you are predomenantly straight, but this guy seems to be pushing your buttons. Give it a whirl honey! Be asfe but have fun!!

+1 to Nicky's response....  

Safe, Fun exploration.... good luck and enjoy yourself no matter what!

Quote from: Sandy on January 07, 2011, 08:25:15 AM
Well, first off, you do not express any doubts about your gender identity.  Crossdressing does not have any connection with your internal feelings of gender.  And really that is perfectly normal.

What you are questioning is your sexual orientation.  You know you are a man, and it sounds like "G" knows you are male as well.

What you may want to answer for yourself is, what do you want to happen next?  Do you want to have the relationship with G become more romantic?  Also you might ask yourself how you feel about attraction to men in general, in light of your attraction to G.

It sounds like you really don't want the relationship with him to stop, in fact much the opposite.

If that is the case, then, perhaps now is the time to explain what you are feeling to him.  Say to him that much of what you have explained here.  That previously you thought you only had feelings for women, but he has ignited a passion in you that you were not previously aware of.  And that it has made you question your own feelings of sexual orientation.  And see where it goes from there.

You may be bisexual and just because you have an attraction to G, you do not have to forever renounce your attraction to women.

Sexual orientation is a spectrum, just like gender identity and not a binary.

Bottom line is, just go with it.  Explore your feelings.  This is something only you can answer.  And whatever conclusion you come to is alright.

One last note of general caution, is of course, safety.  The internet can be a scary place, so be careful.  Both of your heart and your body.

-Sandy

Sandy, Thank You from the bottom of my heart. Your advice was just what I needed. I've been having so much fun exchanging emails with G that I've decided to follow my heart and right now it belongs to G.

This has been hard for me to accept, but I really am having feelings for G that I've never had for any girl I've dated in the past and have never been more at peace or happy than I have been these last couple of weeks. So, instead of fighting these feelings I'm going to embrace the words you wrote above and see where this relationship with G goes.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it more than you can imagine.

XOXO, Alyssa

You're quite welcome Alyssa!  I hope things work out well for you.  Keep us posted on how it goes, we all love a good romance! 

-Sandy(I'm a hopeless romantic myself!)