so i found out the therapist i use to see several years ago does "know plenty about transgender issues." - direct quote from her in a message reply i got today. and not only do i feel dumb enough for assuming she didn't because who would in this tiny little town where I'm the 2nd ever person to transition....that i know of. why would i know anyway when i went before i couldn't figure out I'm male yet so we never mentioned it i and was too busy...oh it would take too long to explain what was wrong with me back then, sooo much ignorance, denial and cowardice. but now i wonder how ignorant I'm going to sound when I'm actually in there to talk about my need to get testosterone. there's probably so much more info that i don't know and i really don't want to look like some ass who has no idea what he's trying to get himself into. i can't imagine going through what i have, coming this far only to get rejected by someone I'm known for almost a decade. so here's what i do know about the effects of T.
1. it'll make my voice deeper
2. it'll make hair grown on my face, my chest, maybe thicker on my arms or legs where hair already is...maybe start growing it on my back too? but damn going by how thick the hair is on my head I'm going to be a wolfman.
3. I'll gain muscle.
4. I'll most likely get some kind of personality change because the hormones go to your brain too.
5. there's a pretty good chance I'll go bald in my 40's like every guy in my dad's side of the family. *sigh* 
6. if i take it in pill form it will destroy my liver and the entire organ won't work in say 20 or 30 years after starting, same with taking too high of doses un-regulated at first.
7. the shot form is the cheapest, (from what i hear from other trans guys anyway) the gel is the 2nd most expensive and pretty risky when it comes to exposure, especially to kids and pets. plus ya can't get wet for several hours after putting it on, sounds like a bit of a pain in the ass to me. and these caplets I've barely heard of are apparently the most expensive and last for a few months.
8. I'm well too aware of how most of society sees us, and how hard life may or may not be to be accepted into it or not. it might be more challenging to get a job while transitioning or...well that should be it actually it shouldn't make much of a difference to a potential date or relationship that I'm trans..i don't think landlords would care.

i actually sorta made myself feel better just typing that list up, that's sort of a lot right there. at least it's something.

what I'm not sure about is...
that people still compare the Chris Benoit story with steroids or testosterone use, that T makes people angry, short tempered and a whole different person unable to ever feel any emotion ever again. i can say at least the Chris Benoit theory is a load of BS. it's not going to make me rage out and kill my family or myself (scientists did an autopsy on his brain and it looked like swiss cheese from all the impact from wrestling, brain damage, not steroids) but anything else anyone might know about the process that i didn't list here?

I like this link a lot.  http://www.ftmguide.org/ttherapybasics.html

I just want to point out that T does not affect your personality at all, or at least not in any significant way. Personality triats are something like 90% genetic, and it doesn't change at all through your whole life. What it will do is bring out any aggressiveness that's already there. That's why doctors are more careful about giving T to people with mood disorders in fear of making aggression harder to deal with. Or at least that's what my endocrinologist told me, and she's been in the biz for 13 years.

I agree with Espenoah. Just wanted to throw out there that every Tguy I've met in real life including myself have an increased sense of calm and taking more to get angry after starting T when it's dose correctly. I think the "roid rage" theory is from people who aren't on the right dose or are already very angry in general. You do seem to know a lot already though

This link is also really helpful in explaining the effects of T (comes up as a PDF file): http://transhealth.vch.ca/resources/library/tcpdocs/consumer/hormones-FTM.pdf

Quote from: Espenoah on January 09, 2011, 01:33:32 AM
I just want to point out that T does not affect your personality at all, or at least not in any significant way. Personality triats are something like 90% genetic, and it doesn't change at all through your whole life. What it will do is bring out any aggressiveness that's already there. That's why doctors are more careful about giving T to people with mood disorders in fear of making aggression harder to deal with. Or at least that's what my endocrinologist told me, and she's been in the biz for 13 years.

yeah i thought of something like that last night before falling asleep, like "why did i type that?" lol what was it only a few days ago i replied to someone else's post about T effects doing that and i was saying how reassured i was that it seems to calm guys more than anything. heh guess that memory temporarily went away.

thanks for the links though, seems to have everything in there. I'm gonna go read em now

2. Hair will grow on your bum!
3. Not entirely true.
4. Not always
6. Doctors don't prescribe it in pill form because of negative side effects.
8. It could also potentially make life easier getting a job if/once you're stealth