First of all, I'd like to thank everyone. I have browsed this forum day and night for a few years now, and have found the wealth of information, opinions, and stories here quite useful. I feel that it's time to start coming out of the shadows and get involved now that things are starting to change in my real life.
In my earliest memories I remember wishing I was a girl, but I made every effort to ensure no one knew of this. At first I remember thinking that everyone had this wish, but it wasn't long (around kindergarten I suppose) that I realized this was not the case. Instead I felt as though I was crazy or greatly disturbed and I hid from the world and myself.
Essentially, I just gave up on real life and instead played video games where I could be a girl. It also allowed me to be alone, away from the prying eyes of everyone else and the pain that I had among groups of people (being overly conciseness about being discovered or doing something 'weird'). A few years ago I discovered this website and a few others which are similar; this being the most useful. It helped me realize I wasn't insane after all. By this time last year I had already decided that I needed to come out and start making changes before things became too unbearable. However, I was too afraid and didn't end up coming out until this summer.
My family has been amazingly supportive. Starting late this summer, I was seeing a therapist, but she did not specialize in gender and had no experience with it. She was a great help, but after a few months decided it was best for me to see someone with more experience. This leaves me in a rather odd state because now I have no therapist and haven't for a couple of months. The place I'm supposed to be going to hasn't replied back to me. Hopefully they will soon, so that I can get back on track.
However, before my last therapist sent me elsewhere, she did help make an appointment with a 'trans-friendly' doctor in my city. I'm seeing him in a few weeks and he is going to refer me to a gender therapist in Edmonton (who has a 18 month wait list). I do plan to ask him about hormones and a few other things when I do see him, but doubt it'll get me anywhere. I honestly don't know If I can hold out for 18 months just to see another therapist. I've read almost every resource I could find over the years and have decided long ago that I need to transition. My entire life has been rather pathetic in terms of social ability because of my anxiety and desire to escape any contact because of dysphoria (and a few other reasons I prefer not to talk about). I'm also a bit concerned because I'm starting to bald and have a very distinct 'M' pattern even though I'm barely entering my twenties and no one in my family (on either) side has any balding whatsoever.
I changed cities a few years ago. My past town would not have been kind to someone who was transgendered. I doubt I would be here now If i had come out before we moved a couple of years ago. However, this means that I have not cross-dressed (until today). While I was always going as a girl online, I never did much of anything in real life, and thus never cross-dressed. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it seems that most others have cross-dressed. Don't mistake me though, I know the difference between online and real life. Online is just an amazing escape strategy.
----
Anyway, hello everyone. Hopefully I can someday provide help to others as you have all done for me.
(Edit reason: Removing some information I don't want idling)
