Okay, I've been thinking.

If somehow in the future there was a bottom surgery that was so fantastic that you looked and functioned just like any bio-guy, what would you tell your partner?

Assuming you've been through the whole process, you're legally male and pass all of the time, you've had top and bottom surgery and are living full time as a male, if you were to get a new partner who didn't know your past, would you tell them you were born female?

To do so would involve lying and covering things up on your part, including making up some story for the scars on your chest, and feeling the fear every time you meet up with a family member or old friend, afraid that they would out you.

And if you didn't tell your partner, and somehow they found out, do you think they would have the right to be mad at you, or no?

I'm not sure what I think...I'd like the whole 'born female' thing to leave me when I'm male, and I don't want it looming over my head for the rest of my life, but I don't know if I could handle keeping it such a secret.

What do you guys think?

(I'm also keen to hear from some of the ladies on the forum if they feel like answering, because from what I've heard their surgerys are good enough to even fool a doctor, that true? If so then they would actually be facing this same choice, and I'd like to hear their opinions on it too

Any trained doctor should be able to tell the difference between a natal vagina and a surgically created neovagina, as well as between a natal and post-op vulva. The best cosmetic results may not look terribly different, so I guess one might be able to - in passing - have a doctor think it's normal, but I'm pretty sure any more detailed examination would give substantial differentiability.

I would, personally, always tell a long-term partner, but would never feel compelled with a one-night stand or few-week fling.

Just remember! Just because you're still transsexual doesn't mean that supersedes "man". I read a great post by a member here who said that "a diabetic woman need not identify as 'diabetes'," and I think the same thing holds true here. If you're worried about how a partner would respond, I mean, how much else can you really trust them with?  The benefits of withholding are outweighed by the potential for recriminations and anger, in my opinion.

My partner would have to know. It'd probably mean I would delay telling them until I knew I could trust them and really cared about them though. I would never have sex with someone without telling them just like I would never wanna keep it from the person I spent my life with but that's just me. Besides if I didn't they'd never be able to meet my grandma because seriously I've never met a person who says my birth name and pronouns more 

I feel the same as Rebekah, maybe with a one night stand or something, but i wouldnt be able to with a long term relationship. I wouldnt be able to hold in the guilt of lying anyways.

I think that the surgeries that exist right now are as you described "so fantastic that you looked and functioned just like any bio-guy." If I were in a committed relationship my past might come around and bite me in the butt. For myself, I'd probably tell my partner at some point in time.

Guilt seems a little extreme - like there's a sort of intrinsic guilt for transsexuality.

I think it's more about frank discussions that we'd need to have about sex, hormones, fertility (lack thereof), all of which are things that need to be approached differently with transsexuals than with cissexuals. It's not a matter of shame, but if my SO were to ask why I can't have children, well, it's wrong to lie outright.

Quote from: Rebekah with a K-A-H on January 10, 2011, 02:42:50 AM
Guilt seems a little extreme - like there's a sort of intrinsic guilt for transsexuality.

I think it's more about frank discussions that we'd need to have about sex, hormones, fertility (lack thereof), all of which are things that need to be approached differently with transsexuals than with cissexuals. It's not a matter of shame, but if my SO were to ask why I can't have children, well, it's wrong to lie outright.

If you're living as female saying "I don't have functioning ovaries" is a completely valid answer and not a lie.

Quote from: Nygeel on January 10, 2011, 02:45:40 AM
If you're living as female saying "I don't have functioning ovaries" is a completely valid answer and not a lie.

That's true, but also a little misleading. Unless the female in question had some sort of intersex condition, she wouldn't have any ovaries at all.

I suppose "I don't have a uterus" would work, too, but it seems a little too reductionist. Like the anatomy is all that matters.  I don't know. Intellectually, I get the argument that it's your right to withhold that information, but it always seems a little dishonest when I think about it. Maybe that's just the way I've been socialized to think.

I probably would, yes.

I can't imagine not mentioning my past to that extent.  I'm not ashamed of it.

My partner would have to know because he'd be the one picking me up from the hospital!

I would be completely honest with them upfront because I know that if the girl I was with was born male but was physically a complete female I still wouldn't be able to deal with it and would break it off so I would like to give them the courtesy of knowing at first so the have the option to leave if they so chose because I would expect the same from a girl.

Quote from: Nygeel on January 10, 2011, 02:42:30 AM
I think that the surgeries that exist right now are as you described "so fantastic that you looked and functioned just like any bio-guy."

I think this is fantasy as the current surgeries are in no way natural looking as most bio guys.

If it were, it would be my secret with rare exception. I don't plan to live or work in the same area I am going through the process in.

If there was potential for a relationship, they would have to know before too much attachment or anything physical happened.

If I were in a serious relationship, I'd like to be able to talk about everything in my past.  It would be nice to be able to be completely open with someone, and I hope they'd do the same for me.

The minute they finished telling me their complete life story (from conception through to the point where our conversation began) I would tell them mine.

Quote from: LordKAT on January 10, 2011, 11:14:46 AM
I think this is fantasy as the current surgeries are in no way natural looking as most bio guys.

If it were, it would be my secret with rare exception. I don't plan to live or work in the same area I am going through the process in.

And even if the result was indistinguishable, the mechanics of getting it up wouldn't be. So sooner or later, they're going to know something's up. I don't know about meta. Maybe they look like a guy on the small side.

But if it were, I would have to tell a long term partner. Maybe not a one nighter.

I wouldn't, maybe if they were a transwoman and directly asked me. My mom, a preschool teacher,  had a student who lost his penis in a circumcision accident. So it's not just transmen that don't have normal looking parts. I'm not going to make up stories. If she asks questions I will just say I'm not talking about it. I'm not that close to my family members. I probably wont transition until my grandparents have passed away. My mom won't want to be in my life. She thinks that me being trans will some how cause her to loose custody over my baby sister. I'm assuming I won't be seeing them again. I've cut ties with most my friends already and don't let new friends get to close. If she finds out later, well she did chose to start a relationship with someone with usual scarring that refuses to talk about their past. I think she should at least half expect it to not be something she wants to hear.

If it completely looked and functioned as a normal biological penis, hell no I wouldn't be telling anyone.

If I faced possibly being outed by any official forms, school records, medical history, etc. etc. then I would tell her before she found out on their own. If I was a master sleuth and covered up my whole past and had a successful surgery, no I wouldn't tell them, they'd be hearing about a time of my life that wasn't 'me'.

Quote from: LordKAT on January 10, 2011, 11:14:46 AM
I think this is fantasy as the current surgeries are in no way natural looking as most bio guys.

If it were, it would be my secret with rare exception. I don't plan to live or work in the same area I am going through the process in.

MOST is the difference, but then again what do MOST "bio guys" dicks look like? Is there a uniformity? My belief is that the surgeries available get a lot of crap but are actually pretty darn good. Sure, there could/should be improvement but I've seen a couple metas that look like a guy with micro penis.