For me I know a few other things could of affected why I developed a social problem, I remember back long ago about my mom said I used to be very talkitive, no I'm really shy. I wonder if the thought of knowing you're different before you can identify yourself could cause you to develope social anxieties and other things.

Depending on how you viewed being different, it could lead to problems later. I used to be a bully target, but on top of that I knew at a relatively young age (11 maybe) that I was different. I made darn sure the other guys didn't know how I felt. That really impacted my emotional growth. Even today I'll go to reply to a "hey, guess what I did" thread and back out of it because I'm uncomfortable saying what pops into my head. That's all because I didn't used to let myself be in those types of situations.

As I got older and realized it went beyond feeling "softer", I actually stopped being myself in social situations and became other people. I still have that today, although it's gotten much better in the last few months. When I was around somebody long enough who had a strong personality and who I admired, their behavior became my behavior. To this day I say things that aren't really mine but vestiges of someone else's personality. When I saw the same thing happening even with online forums I got very scared and knew I had to see someone. As much as I like the people here I prefer to me rather than them.

Now, if I had seen being different as a good thing I probably wouldn't have had all those problems. But it had a strong negative impact on my sense of self. It's partly responsible for my self-esteem issues. I'm realizing as I write this that all of this may be why I don't see anybody inside me but I can see different energies. I don't really have a self image. I have yet to form one from who I know myself to be.

So yes, knowing you're different without understanding that difference or being able to value it can lead to problems.

         Just as I figured, it was pretty hard to tell what was wrong with me exactly, I can't exactly pin point what caused me to go from a kid who loved talking to one scared of talking, atleast I know something else that could of caused it now. After identifying myself I feel more comfortable with myself. I even started back in a MMORPG game my sister was playing, she introduced me to a few of her friends and told them about me identifying myself as being neutral gender. Which oddly seems to attract people to me and they want to be friends with me, and think I'm very interesting. (In a good way)
Which makes me feel good, wish people would be like that IRL, then I could be so much more open. =/

For me it was around junior high / middle school age, when the boys started to care about being male, and the girls started to really be girly. Suddenly I realized there was a giant chasm. And I knew that I had a mixture of both. Everyone seemed to point me towards following the boys in everything. This only satisfied half of my desires and self.

Before that age , during elementary school, I never really noticed behavior differences between me and the others, and for the most part being girly was more tolerable. Though I had been bullied a few times and beatup.

It takes a conscious effort now even to regain a small amount of the of the unified peaceful self I used to feel back before the chasm and great divide. Every person I tell, every expression I show, and every new thing I try seems to help restore what is rightfully mine to live. I wish it were easier.

Kenny

Yes, the playground is a brutal place if you say the wrong thing at the wrong moment.
My mum identified my silence at about 11 yrs old, i recon it was more like 7/8 yrs.
Only after `flirting` with the trans community for 10 yrs am i ready to talk about myself. Most of them appear to have a `bi-polar` ideal of gender even though i understand (most of the time) where they are coming from

N

I became very anti social as time went on. I see now, in hindsight, that I was out of sync with others. I put up many layers to give me time to react appropriately. It stopped working in my thirties. Melt down.

I think you hit a cross road where you either have to just live in alignment with who you are or else you need stop your brain from thinking. Guess that means suicide for some, self medicating for others.    I fortunately decided what the hell, am I that bad inside that I can't be me? LOL.

Chunk.