In my meeting with my gender therapist, whom I like a lot so far, I mentioned this photo. I'll use it for avatar for a while; it helps teach me humility. It is the only picture of me cross dressing.

My best friend and I were talking at her home. We were in eighth grade, preparing to go to different high schools. She never wore anything but pants, jeans  and corduroys mostly. But her high school had a dress code: no pants for female students. My friend was complaining bitterly. I wanted to know more, so she took out a dress for me. I wore it the rest of the afternoon, and, though I sympathized with her plight, I envied her. Her mother took this photograph and gave me a copy. My friend and I kept in touch through high school. Then she went to college in Illinois, and I in Michigan, never to meet again.

I look at all the lovely pictures of mtfs here. Any one of them look better in a dress than I. I knew when I was thirteen that my mind was fit for a dress, but my body wasn't. I don't get dysphoria from my genitals, but I sure get it from this picture.

S

Aww sweetie. I think what's stopping you from looking like a girl in this picture is the hair. Slap some pigtails on and you'd be Anne of Green Gables.
I get what you're saying though.

Quote from: Forum Admin on January 09, 2011, 08:11:02 PM
Aww sweetie. I think what's stopping you from looking like a girl in this picture is the hair. Slap some pigtails on and you'd be Anne of Green Gables.
I get what you're saying though.

Never question the Forum Admininstrator he is always right. 

Quote from: Simone Louise on January 09, 2011, 08:04:40 PM
I don't get dysphoria from my genitals, but I sure get it from this picture.

Then perhaps you shouldn't look at the picture 

Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 08:26:57 PM
Then perhaps you shouldn't look at the picture 

I've got to agree. There's a picture that I have...(not of me..thankfully) but it kicks my dysphoria into high gear like no other. This woman...in the picture..she's got everything I wish I was (physically) *hugs* I can't look at it.

Quote from: Forum Admin on January 09, 2011, 08:11:02 PM
Aww sweetie. I think what's stopping you from looking like a girl in this picture is the hair. Slap some pigtails on and you'd be Anne of Green Gables.
I get what you're saying though.

Yeah, pretty much . . . when you mentioned that your profile picture was involved here, I looked and assumed it was some tomboyish girl who wasn't really pulling off the gender role she was assigned.  FAIL (on my part).

Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 08:26:57 PM
Then perhaps you shouldn't look at the picture 

I'd love to have GID go away by destroying a photo.

Quote from: Mr. Fox on January 10, 2011, 01:59:18 AM
Yeah, pretty much . . . when you mentioned that your profile picture was involved here, I looked and assumed it was some tomboyish girl who wasn't really pulling off the gender role she was assigned.  FAIL (on my part).

I thought the exact same thing!  It's more or less the posture that gave me that vibe though.  It kinda looked to me like a tomboy having a grumpy feeling of 'what am i doing in this dress'...  Sorry to hear about the dysphoria the photo brings to you though  =(

Quote from: Vexing on January 09, 2011, 08:26:57 PM
Then perhaps you shouldn't look at the picture 

I missed seeing the pic but I understand that it is not good haveing a profile pic that makes you feel disphoric
for me not looking the part is part of being Androgyne you either look like a part that society accepts as "Normal" which in my case is just wrong or you look like you feel and are told you should conform.
The look I would love to achieve is "bearded lady" but now I'm Man in a dress have been called "Jesus dressed as a chick" by some slightly drunk guys who wanted to take my photo - I agreed :S

I understand how you feel Simone.  I have never felt all that male, but I don't make an attractive female either.  Clothes never fit, and the styles just don't work well with my body.

I used to have a picture of me on my profile but took it down after a few days of disgust looking at it.  To this day, I don't share my pictures much because I hate looking at them. 

I never get down on myself, it seems, unless I am forced to see a picture.

Quote from: Epigania on January 10, 2011, 02:47:36 PM
I understand how you feel Simone.  I have never felt all that male, but I don't make an attractive female either.  Clothes never fit, and the styles just don't work well with my body.

Girl, if you lived over here I would take you shopping and get you some clothes that DO fit and styles that DO work with your body. There hasn't been a person yet who I haven't been able to find something for.

Quote from: Vexing on January 10, 2011, 03:52:53 PM
Girl, if you lived over here I would take you shopping and get you some clothes that DO fit and styles that DO work with your body. There hasn't been a person yet who I haven't been able to find something for.

Trust me ... I'd love to come to NZ! ... It looks like such a beautiful place!

I pass for the most part, I think.  People use female pronouns when I'm out and about.  I just feel like I am out of place when I look in the mirror. 

I think the problem I have is that the tops are all so shapeless on my body right now that I get discouraged.  It bothers me so much that I'm debating on getting Liposuction this year.  I just have to figure out the funding.

In the meantime, I'm thinking of trying out some of the looks that Google tells me I should wear. (www.boutiques.com)  

I like your story. I like the avatar too. I think you are cute.  I am glad you shared it. It was heart warming. I think the your friends mom was pretty awesome. I imagine it was a good day.


Thank you for sharing that.

I am sorry that Disphoria gets you down and the picture makes you feel disphoric. It is a good picture. Like the forum administrator said some pig tails would be grand.

Hugs.
Mrs Erocse

*hugs* 

I actually think it is a pretty amazing photo, although I can understand why you wouldn't like it (in fact, I hate photos that other people take of me because they don't look like me...at least, that's how it seems to me).  It really, to me anyway, makes gender seem like a very superficial thing...or rather, that it doesn't matter.  I think, at least in terms of the movement toward acceptance, it is a photo that could empower many people.  It's all about perspective, really. 

Hi,

For those of you that have not been to our fair county ,

................  of The long White Cloud  ............... N Z

you sure are missing out .

we  do have our details & problems like any where .   we just have some beauty in our land & people.

The Pic concerned is or was for the day  would have been okay  & what boy would have pulled that off with a stance like that Or should i say would i have been any better , i dought it  its when your mind is in tune with your body & the clothes are right for the person , its that . that makes all the differenace .

iv brought some clothes that looked nice yet not on this kid , yet others i get some nice compliments on,   how nice i look , & it takes time to get a style that suits you.

...noeleena...

Jaimey, old friend, hugs are always welcome--just as you are welcome to any party of mine. Last night, I made chicken marsala, steamed artichoke, and pasta with homemade tomato sauce, warming on a winter's eve.

And Forum Admin, forgive me if I still think of you as my Emperor striding through forum and forest. You have overcome such daunting obstacles and still face the world with grace and nobility. You are a real mensch.

New Zealand, always attractive, seems particularly inviting today. We are faced with the prospect of a foot or more of snow, beginning at midnight tonight.

OK, I am overwhelmed by the responses to my new avatar. I do compare myself to the photos I see here; how can I not compare my bent tree trunks with the sexy legs of one of the androgynes here. To me, my clumsy body is one prime reason not to transition. If all of you think otherwise, maybe I need to reconsider. But do you know what you are getting yourselves into? This is not some mature, self-confident woman within, but a scared little girl, curled up into the fetal position. I will need a lot of hand holding. Anyway, I am far off from making that decision.

I do have fond memories of the days that photo was taken. Yes, her mom was a good person, who accepted the two of us. My expression was probably pretty serious because our play was serious. We considered ourselves leaders of a fictitious group called the Organization of Islands and Lands (OIL), an association of those nations to small or remote to merit the attentions of the great powers. We produced notebooks, outlining the resources and affairs of each of our nations.

I will cut it short here, though, because it is time to go move packages.

S

I really like the boutiques.com thing. It is goofy and I don't know about their selection mechanisms, but it was fun to go through it. Thanks for posting that.

Quote from: Simone Louise on January 11, 2011, 03:14:15 AM
Jaimey, old friend, hugs are always welcome--just as you are welcome to any party of mine. Last night, I made chicken marsala, steamed artichoke, and pasta with homemade tomato sauce, warming on a winter's eve.

One of these days, I may really end up at your doorstep with a growling belly.    And I'm always happy to give a hug.

Quote from: Simone Louise on January 09, 2011, 08:04:40 PM

I look at all the lovely pictures of mtfs here. Any one of them look better in a dress than I. I knew when I was thirteen that my mind was fit for a dress, but my body wasn't. I don't get dysphoria from my genitals, but I sure get it from this picture.

I love my avatar picture as it is without a doubt the best i have ever looked, it was just one from about  a hundred i had taken after a makeover, however although these pictures were taken nearly 3 years ago, it was the last time i have got totally made up to look female, as although i love looking like a complete female, having two young kids means it is just not practical for me to dress up fully and to tell you the truth i dont really miss it. In my perfect world i would wear skirts, dresses 24/7, but as for the wigs and the make up, well it just ent me, they are just accessories i can live without, but that dont mean to say i feel any less female, i can just live without all the trimmings. I guess it is just further proof that i did the right thing by not changing sex when i had the chance to.

When i do sometimes catch my reflection in a mirror when i am wearing a skirt or dress, having not shaved for several days, i think to myself "you look ridiculous" but then again inside i feel fantastic and thats all that counts

Quote from: Simone Louise on January 11, 2011, 03:14:15 AM
We produced notebooks, outlining the resources and affairs of each of our nations.

My notebooks were about the political, social and cultural aspects of the imaginary islands of Igren.