I know that I can't be me. I can't be kody. Im stuck in this stupid hellhold called keisha. And what do I do when I know this? I keep coming back to this forum. There is no possible way to be me, so why do I come back here? Its like i'm torturing myself...and it makes me want to cut much more often...so why do I continue to do it?  Help me understand....

Why can't you be kody?

Maybe you keep coming back because you are looking for answers to becoming Kody. 

Quote from: Rob on January 11, 2011, 12:19:30 PM
Why can't you be kody?

Maybe you keep coming back because you are looking for answers to becoming Kody.

If I transition, my parents and most of my other family (aunts uncles cousins) wont let me come around. That doesn't really bother me, but then my parents say I wont be allowed to c my little brother anymore...and that tears my heart into pieces (he does not know about me being trans). Mainly bc he's come to me said that he wants to b a girl...that he wants long fingernails and hair to put in a ponytail.  He's only 8, but he is already able to tell that these feelings "aren't allowed". And I want to be here for him,so he has at least one person that says it's okay...but if I transition I wont be able to be here for him....its so complicated...

I don't know if this might help, but I'm stuck in the same limbo. I can't become the person I am.

I come here because it is the only place, anywhere, where I can be completely honest. Other places, I present as a female, but never as a female with an ugly bit. I need to lie. If I make refrence to my wife, I have to change that to husband. I try to keep dishonesty to an absolute minumum but I hate being false.

Outside, I have to present as a fake man. I need to rmember the male rules. I have to try to remember what men do and say and how they behave.

Here, I can relax.

Though, to be frank, in the last 2 or 3 months, there does seem to be some tension here. Conversations are fewer. Arguments seems to be on the increase. People who I once could rely upon to respond, seem to not do so.

But it's better than nothing.

Hope this helps.

Thanks spacial. Maybe that's why I get on here...so im not lying for those few minutes of the day...

Kody, if you keep coming back here there must be some truth to the fact you are transgendered. I know for a fact that gender dysphoria only gets worse if you try to deny it. It affects every aspect of your life, and I know with myself. I first found Susan's when I was 16. I trolled around here for so long, just looking for answers, yet denied it so deeply. However I did keep coming back and now at age 22. I have no choice to accept it. You are trying to reach out to find answers, perhaps you may be in denial. However you will have to at least partially admit it to yourself. Like if you dated, the person will obviously need to know etc, and some day your desire to transition may become so strong that you have no choice. That is what happened to me. Just remember though, the internet "Does Not Make You Trans" I hear so many people saying that the internet does this to people, it doesn't and cant make a person feel like the opposite gender. For me forums like Susan's probably saved my life, I was so confused about myself without resources like this, I never would have made sense of my feelings and may very well not have been here today.