Well here it is girls..... I know this may seem a bit silly for those of you posting online but it took me a month of lurking in the shadows, reading your posts, and commenting in my own head, to finally get up the courage to make my own post. So hopefully my mini-story will help others as yours have helped me.

I am a 37 year old MTF. Raised religious in the south east USA, did what I was supposed to. Went to college, married a beautiful woman, had two beautiful wonderful kids, stared a couple businesses, etc. The problem as you all know gnaws inside me.

So I started seeing a therapist, got on a low dose of hormones, and my gosh I have to say I feel alive again. I finally feel complete, except that I can't come out....yet. The hormones seem to have really helped me. I took herbals for years but now realize they are a joke compared to a drop of the real stuff. I feel more like me than I ever have before.

My wife has always known and supports me and I hope our relationship can withstand whatever the future holds. I have to say that we have reconnected more in the last six months in part because of this, than in the past six years.

So, I do have a few questions I hope you can help me with.

1) At 37 it feels too late for good results, it seems like the younger gals post their picts but i'm worried that i'll just end up looking like a silly drag queen. I haven't been able to look myself in the mirror for years because of the disconnect.
2) I know the hormones are working. It feels like my face is being pulled up and puffed up. Herbals never got close. Chest has grown noticeable and hips are getting plumper..... yea.. so my question is, can I really hide this? I know everyone developes different. Im in a prominent position and am exposed to hundreds of people (if not thousands) that I might not see for months. Will they notice? I always believe that you need to assume people are not stupid and you can't fool them. But I wonder in the south east where they are just getting used to gays, will they even realize what is happening to me. One of my employees recently told me my cheeks were puffy and I laughed it off as a sinus infection I was recovering from.
3) I've got a million more questions but they'd probably serve the community better as seperate posts.
Thanks,
Melissa

I can't help with any of your questions but I just wanted to say welcome to the site Melissa 

i cannot tell you how much this rings true with me even you age :-) same as mine. Just wish i had the nerve to tell anyone besides my DR.   



-jessi


"It's not the ending but the journey that defines us." - Tassolhoff Burrfoot

Welcome to the pool, the water is warm and the people friendly!

Although I can't really give any specific advice as I am just starting my own journey through transition. Baggy & dark clothing is the only thing that I have found to trick the eyes, just my experience from being overweight.

People may notice some changes, but I really doubt anyone will make a giant leap in logic that someone they know is turning into a women, and be sure enough of themselves to say anything of the sort.

Just my two cents.

Hi Melissa,
I'm pretty new also, just a couple days. I'm a cisgender woman married to a 52 year old MTF who began transitioning 2 years ago, just had SRS Dec 8th. Supportive - love the hell out of her.

If you dress tastefully, you will not look like a "silly drag queen". Your wife can help you with that if you are uncertain. And if you find a good hair style, makeup etc, ...well, 37 is just not all that old! You can spend time being jealous of the beautiful younger TS or you can be grateful for your children (whom you probably would never had had if you transitioned quite young) and get on with it.

My beloved really benefitted from facial surgery; it is expensive but for her made a huge difference. So many years of testosterone had really etched male all over her facial bone structure.  Many do not need it, even those transitioning at your age. Beard removal is huge - have you started yet? It takes time and $$. It makes such a difference to presenting as female.

Well... start telling yourself you are beautiful; pretty soon you will believe it and then so will others. "Fake it till you make it" is a philosophy that has at least some merit. And truthfully, everyone is beautiful, especially when viewed in moments of time.

Best wishes,
Ruby

Hi Melissa,

Welcome to our little family. Over 5000 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Sis,  I am 56, going on 57 in less that 2 months, and I have been on HRT for 33 Months.  And I am happy with my results so far.  So No, 37 is not to late.

People will notice, but they will just think you have a new hair cut or lost weight.  The last thing they will think is that you are changing genders.

Hugs and Love,
Janet
   

I'm 36, I feel young.

I read once about someone who bought a condo and the neighborhood started going bad.  The property value was going down but they didn't want to sell and lose money. $120,000 went to $90,000 but they still clung on, waiting for it to turn around. It never did.  It kept dropping and eventually they foreclosed on the mortgage. 

You might not think it's a good time to transition but it's the best time you'll ever get.  You don't get to be a 20 year old woman but you get to be a 45 year old woman.  45 is the new 35. 

Welcome Melissa!

No, 36 is not to old to start. YMMV, but I started in October at age 39. In fact I will be 40 next month. I don't know if you can draw inspiration from this, but here are some before/after pics of me:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,90021.msg653354.html#msg653354

As for hiding it, it will likely get tougher as you go along. For people who see you everday, they will actually be much slower to catch on as the changes will be gradual to them. People you don't see for many months will probably notice something is much different sooner. However, as was said, it doesn't readily occur to people that you are transitioning. What will happen though is that complete strangers will start reading you female, even when you think you are in boy mode. Today, a parking lot attendent gave me change and addressed me as "mam" even though I had my boy clothes on and 2 days growth of (sparse at this point) beard. I did get a more girly hair cut and eyebrows today, so that probably helped, but the dividing line between male and female can be surprisingly thin. Once you reach the border, it doesn't take much to fall onto  the other side.

As an aside, we seem to be having quite a few spouses and people with supportive spouses joining lately. I find it quite inspirational!

Quote from: melissa42013 on January 12, 2011, 11:24:38 PM
At 37 it feels too late for good results, it seems like the younger gals post their picts but i'm worried that i'll just end up looking like a silly drag queen. I haven't been able to look myself in the mirror for years because of the disconnect.

I know what it was like not being able to look at myself in the mirror; it was like that ever since I was 15 or so.  And I had fears of looking "draggish", especially since I thought I looked like a drag queen whenever I tried to look feminine.  Then in my first year of transition I got myself looking somewhat passable one day.  And then I looked in the mirror, really looked, and finally saw "me" again.  It was one of the most emotional experiences I've ever had.  I hope as you progress on the hormones and other things, and gain confidence in your social interactions that you will find that your results are much much better than you initially thought.

Hi Mellissa

Welcome, you are youngster girl, I'm 58, and no one calls me a drag queen, at least not in public . I've been horming for about 10 months. A few physical changes but lots of mental. Do remember everyone respond differently to HRT.  Just take it steady and keep posting to your family here, 'cos at least a  few of us would have had the same experience that worries you at any particular time.

Cindy

Hi Melissa and welcome. Gratz on coming out and sharing your story!

Welcome Melissa

As you may have gathered there are a lot more girls that started later than you and I'm sure they will help you if you ask.

Kind regards
Sarah B

You have a supportive wife. Plus.

You have your own companies. Plus.

You have hormone treatment. Plus.

Someone makes a comment. Think they need to mind their own business.

And now you're a member here on Susans'. Big plus.

Thanks for all of the kind words and insight. When I finally emailed a therapist and "came out" I typed the message and stared at the send button like it would launch the US nuclear arsenal. And that was a great decision.

So last night I typed this message and the submit button took on the same look. But in the morning, after reading all of the responses and the personal e-mails, I feel great. I want to share these things because, I need to get them out of me, and I know there are others who feel as if they could have written the same message. I know so much of what other people have written rang true for me.

I have plenty more questions that I think will make for great threads but I needed to "come out" to the group first.

Well....it's finally out there dear. I hope that this journey leads you to what you have always wanted. Its been a long time coming  and its time to forget about what everybody we know and what the general public thinks about you as you transition. From the very beginning I have been just as tormented about this decision as you. It is hard for a woman to give up her husband to a MTF transition, but I love you with all my heart and I support you 100%. The journey will be hard, but I will be here for you. I don't know where this will lead us, but I will always be here for you and I love you very much. I just want you to be happy and this decision makes you happiest so run with it now while you have the chance. Everything else will take care of itself. All I want is for you to be happy.

Quote from: mellsupport on January 13, 2011, 04:54:18 PM
Well....it's finally out there dear. I hope that this journey leads you to what you have always wanted. Its been a long time coming  and its time to forget about what everybody we know and what the general public thinks about you as you transition. From the very beginning I have been just as tormented about this decision as you. It is hard for a woman to give up her husband to a MTF transition, but I love you with all my heart and I support you 100%. The journey will be hard, but I will be here for you. I don't know where this will lead us, but I will always be here for you and I love you very much. I just want you to be happy and this decision makes you happiest so run with it now while you have the chance. Everything else will take care of itself. All I want is for you to be happy.

Ok, now I'm crying! That was so sweet and heartfelt @mellsupport. She is going to need your support now and in the future.

Welcome! And I just wanted to say....its NEVER too late IMHO. It's never too late to BE YOU. I actually have a friend taht started when she was 37 and she looks good