So its coming down to wear I'm obviously a female, so I want to change my name, rather than be embarrassed when I go to buy something with my debit card. It usually bugs me for like ever. But I don't feel ok changing my name without having my whole family know. My dads whole side needs to know pretty much including:grandparents, two uncles, five cousins. One cousin knows, one uncle and my aunt know. My immediate family knows too. I'm not close to those who don't know, beside my grandma, and she's the only one I want to tell. Hoping she can tell the rest of the family lol. Or I could send letters. But I don't get it. Everytime I think I could go and tell her, I feel ashamed of myself, even though she's seen me full makeup etc. Like she probably already knows right? So why do I feel so ->-bleeped-<-ty? Why am I scared? Odds are she'll be like duh ok...what else is new? But idk. What to do?

Since you're not close, why don't you choose a nice postcard and just say something like,

Hi everyone. From now I will be a girl and my name will be Britney.

Love you all so much and thanking you for your unconditonal support.

Quote from: spacial on January 08, 2011, 07:41:29 PM
Since you're not close, why don't you choose a nice postcard and just say something like,

Hi everyone. From now I will be a girl and my name will be Britney.

Love you all so much and thanking you for your unconditonal support.

Thats something I'm considering, but I'm not sure if I want to tell my grandma in person. I think I'll try to write something and show my therapist

Family members can be a tough crowd... My mom will occasionally start a sentence with "Well, since your queer...Blah blah blah

All my grandparents have passed away... There is an elderly lady at my apt.s who thinks she's my grandmother though... She asked me if I was a boy or a girl awhile back

So I said "I'm a girl grandma"... Then accidentally farted out of nervousness... She said "That's okay dear, That happens to me some times... Just don't let the boys hear you do that" 

Anyway, you're probably best off just being up front about things 

And here's me at 57 still trying to work out how to tell my brothers and mother!

  They live a couple of hours away, so I hope to break things to them in the next couple of weeks.  I will let you know how I get on, fingers crossed. Hopefully before Mum gets  any more forgetful!!

If all goes well I will ask Mum for name suggestions.  I am thinking of the feminine version of my late father's and her second names, and Dad's mother's maiden name.

Hope things go well, Sandra (for now).

Quote from: Virginia Marie on January 08, 2011, 08:44:08 PM
Family members can be a tough crowd... My mom will occasionally start a sentence with "Well, since your queer...Blah blah blah

All my grandparents have passed away... There is an elderly lady at my apt.s who thinks she's my grandmother though... She asked me if I was a boy or a girl awhile back

So I said "I'm a girl grandma"... Then accidentally farted out of nervousness... She said "That's okay dear, That happens to me some times... Just don't let the boys hear you do that" 

Anyway, you're probably best off just being up front about things 

haha thats a cute story V. I know its better to tell them all since I see them throughout the year. Any further along on hrt and they might begin to question me. I wish they did question me though, would be easier than bringing it up on my own.

Quote from: justmeinoz on January 08, 2011, 09:33:48 PM
And here's me at 57 still trying to work out how to tell my brothers and mother!

  They live a couple of hours away, so I hope to break things to them in the next couple of weeks.  I will let you know how I get on, fingers crossed. Hopefully before Mum gets  any more forgetful!!

If all goes well I will ask Mum for name suggestions.  I am thinking of the feminine version of my late father's and her second names, and Dad's mother's maiden name.

Hope things go well, Sandra (for now).

Good luck girl! <3

Personally, I'd try the letter idea. A postcard might be a little off-key - you've said you're close to her, and unless she likes the short-and-to-the-point, maybe she might be offended that you didn't tell her why.

I've been thinking about the postcard idea myself, actually, to send to my parents - I'm dedicated on telling them this summer (due to practical reasons), and I feel like a nice handwritten letter explaining it all would be the best way. My sister is the one who I feel more like I should tell, and I'm pretty close with her, unlike my parents. It feels wrong to be keeping her in the dark, and I feel like she might take it the best out of my family, seeing how she has many LGBT friends and her best friend is gay. My parents, on the other hand, I could care less about how they will react (badly) - it's up to them to come to the table and accept me, not the other way around.

Quote from: ClaireAnnalyse on January 12, 2011, 09:49:08 PM
Personally, I'd try the letter idea. A postcard might be a little off-key - you've said you're close to her, and unless she likes the short-and-to-the-point, maybe she might be offended that you didn't tell her why.

I've been thinking about the postcard idea myself, actually, to send to my parents - I'm dedicated on telling them this summer (due to practical reasons), and I feel like a nice handwritten letter explaining it all would be the best way. My sister is the one who I feel more like I should tell, and I'm pretty close with her, unlike my parents. It feels wrong to be keeping her in the dark, and I feel like she might take it the best out of my family, seeing how she has many LGBT friends and her best friend is gay. My parents, on the other hand, I could care less about how they will react (badly) - it's up to them to come to the table and accept me, not the other way around.

Yeah I've actually started working on a letter for my grandparents. Idk whether I should send it in the actual mail or walk over to their mailbox lol. Good luck with your family though bb. <3

Yea the letter is a good approach. It allows us to put our thoughts in place a bit better, because you have unlimited do overs until you mail it to get it right. You can also include information on what exactly GID is.  I found including information useful and helpful.  Just be prepared for phone calls, emails, etc...   Coming out to family is hard, personally i had an easier time coming out to some coworkers and my boss rather than my family. But doing the letter made it easier because it gives time for things to mull over, also avoids any sudden confrontations from a face to face coming out with them, and possibly saying things we would regret in the end. Even if you choose to go the face to face route, at least you will have your thoughts in order

I wish you the best with coming out to your family, it is definitely no easy task.

Jennifer

Hi Britney

Since you have come out to your mum, dad and sisters and of course I would assume they know that you are on hormones and obviously they have seen the changes that are occurring.  Say to them you are going to change your name and ask them what names they would like, unless of course you have already had this conversation with them.

• Then go and change your name legally and then change all the other documents that need to be changed.
  
• Inform all those who do know about you, that you have changed your name and at the same time say to them "I will never again answer to my previous name", but in a way that is firm, not rude and in a nice way.
• As for the others in the family who do not know, the grapevine should help you there or send a letter telling them your story and saying also that you have changed your name.

As for your grandmother go and see her in person and tell her your story.  Why?  because you said in your post:

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 08, 2011, 05:51:31 PM
beside my grandma, and she's the only one I want to tell. Hoping she can tell the rest of the family lol. Or I could send letters. But I don't get it. Everytime I think I could go and tell her, I feel ashamed of myself, even though she's seen me full makeup etc. Like she probably already knows right? So why do I feel so ->-bleeped-<-ty? Why am I scared? Odds are she'll be like duh ok...what else is new? But idk. What to do?

You probably feel ->-bleeped-<-ty and scared because you love her.  So tell your grandma in person, which would be nicest way to do it.

You will get through this, because you have travelled so far in 6 months, you have told your immediate family, you are going to therapy and of course you are on HRT, just to name a few things that you have done.

Take care and all the best.

Kind regards
Sarah B

Quote from: JenniL on January 13, 2011, 02:55:35 AM
Yea the letter is a good approach. It allows us to put our thoughts in place a bit better, because you have unlimited do overs until you mail it to get it right. You can also include information on what exactly GID is.  I found including information useful and helpful.  Just be prepared for phone calls, emails, etc...   Coming out to family is hard, personally i had an easier time coming out to some coworkers and my boss rather than my family. But doing the letter made it easier because it gives time for things to mull over, also avoids any sudden confrontations from a face to face coming out with them, and possibly saying things we would regret in the end. Even if you choose to go the face to face route, at least you will have your thoughts in order

I wish you the best with coming out to your family, it is definitely no easy task.

Jennifer

I asked my mom if she told my grandma and she hadn't and I asked if I should tell her and she said "tell her what?" And I said "that I'm don't want to be a boy" and she said "You don't think she knows?" haha she probably does but she doesn't know what to call me, or that I'm transgender and not just gay lol.
Thanks I'm gonna write the letter today, I have the day off cuz I'm feeling sick. And I'm feeling determined to do what I need to do, despite my parents.

Quote from: Sarah B on January 13, 2011, 03:49:43 AM
Hi Britney

Since you have come out to your mum, dad and sisters and of course I would assume they know that you are on hormones and obviously they have seen the changes that are occurring.  Say to them you are going to change your name and ask them what names they would like, unless of course you have already had this conversation with them.

• Then go and change your name legally and then change all the other documents that need to be changed.
  
• Inform all those who do know about you, that you have changed your name and at the same time say to them "I will never again answer to my previous name", but in a way that is firm, not rude and in a nice way.
• As for the others in the family who do not know, the grapevine should help you there or send a letter telling them your story and saying also that you have changed your name.

As for your grandmother go and see her in person and tell her your story.  Why?  because you said in your post:

You probably feel ->-bleeped-<-ty and scared because you love her.  So tell your grandma in person, which would be nicest way to do it.

You will get through this, because you have travelled so far in 6 months, you have told your immediate family, you are going to therapy and of course you are on HRT, just to name a few things that you have done.

Take care and all the best.

Kind regards
Sarah B

I'm considering telling her in person, it freaks me out though. But it might be whats best at the end of the day. If I did mail her a letter she could just call me and I'd walk next door and have a talk with her. Idk when I'll do it but before I change my name


And my sisters and bestie were asked about my name (McKey, Jessica, Kimberly, Britney) I decided on Britney. My parents haven't been asked for their opinion and I don't want it either.

Hi Britney,  I was going to visit Mum and my brothers tomorrow but there are a lot of roads cut due to flooding, so will wait until next weekend. 

Generally Grandmothers are able to cope with anything their grandchildren throw at them, in a way that parents sometimnes can't, so I wouldn't be too worried.  I think she would be thrilled to have you ask her for name suggestionns too.
She has had a grandson before he bacame a disrespectful,  obnoxious teenager she never sees, and would probably be thrilled to have a granddaughter she can actually spend time with.

Does she knit? maybe you could ask her to teach you how, apparently it has become a very cool thing to do recently. Just one idea for a bit of bonding time.

Hope it goes well, Sandra.

Quote from: justmeinoz on January 14, 2011, 05:47:18 AM
Hi Britney,  I was going to visit Mum and my brothers tomorrow but there are a lot of roads cut due to flooding, so will wait until next weekend. 

Generally Grandmothers are able to cope with anything their grandchildren throw at them, in a way that parents sometimnes can't, so I wouldn't be too worried.  I think she would be thrilled to have you ask her for name suggestionns too.
She has had a grandson before he bacame a disrespectful,  obnoxious teenager she never sees, and would probably be thrilled to have a granddaughter she can actually spend time with.

Does she knit? maybe you could ask her to teach you how, apparently it has become a very cool thing to do recently. Just one idea for a bit of bonding time.

Hope it goes well, Sandra.

Aww =/
Yeah I'm assuming she'll take it well,  I'm just scared =/

I am half in and half out.   What I mean is that I am out to my mother and sister,but to no one else.   We are not in contact with my late father's side of the family at all.  My mother's family live about 450 miles from us so we only see them rarely.